


30 Miles East

by TeamScienceMegaNerds



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, Alex is a mess, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Minor Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Slow Burn, but they're working on it, sam is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-08-11 01:10:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 76,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16465835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamScienceMegaNerds/pseuds/TeamScienceMegaNerds
Summary: Alex realizes that she's spiraling out of control, so she drives to a suburb of National City and goes to an AA meeting, and that's where she meets Sam Arias.orAlex convinces herself to go to one AA meeting and now she's making a pie to bring to a barbecue, lying to Kara about where she keeps sneaking off to, and accidentally falling in love with a woman who drives a minivan.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Every time I watch Supergirl, I always think about how Alex needs to go to AA, so here I am writing this fic. Trigger warning for alcoholism throughout. 
> 
> I don't own the rights to Supergirl, but if I did I would make Alex go to AA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I watch Supergirl, I always think about how Alex needs to go to AA, so here I am writing this fic. Trigger warning for alcoholism throughout. 
> 
> I don't own the rights to Supergirl, but if I did I would make Alex go to AA.

This was starting to become a problem. Not just because she was doing it alone, but because she couldn’t stop. It was an even mix of loneliness and boredom that was pushing her to go from closing her apartment door to pouring a glass of whiskey every single day. Before, during, and after dinner she found herself holding that same glass, sometimes on refill number six before she actually slumped down on her couch and dozed off. 

That was on a good day. Other days she found her thumb hanging over Maggie’s icon in her contacts - a picture of Maggie wearing Alex’s alma mater’s sweater, a picture that Kara took when she was doing her annual donation to Goodwill run, and insisted that Alex needed a fresh wardrobe - but she never actually called. Or texted. She just let the thought fade into the next drink, and then the other, until she woke up the next day drooling on the floor, already late for work. 

Vasquez was the first to say something. Not about the drinking of course, but about Alex’s tardiness. It was pretty well known that Alex did not do late, or sloppy, but over the past few weeks she’d been both. Vasquez spun around to face Alex on a particularly mundane day, and frowned. “Shower much.” That was Vasquez. To the point, a bit of snark, a few years spent floating under the radar meant she had to be the voice of reason, or no one would. Alex scoffed, but when Vasquez returned to her array of computers, Alex lifted up her arm and took a whiff. 

Alex had forgotten to shower last night because she was eight drinks deep, and this morning she barely managed to crawl her way into her clothes, let alone make herself presentable. “Shut up.” But Alex knew that Vasquez was right, and she knew that she was slowly beginning to lose herself in the bottle. 

This was all way too familiar. 

She didn’t want Kara to have to drag her out of the gutter. She couldn’t stand the look on Kara’s face if she had to call her over to hold her hair back, and carry her to bed. She had spent the past few years, building and re-building their relationship. First it was to find a way to work with Supergirl, and then it was to find a way to come out, and now everything seemed to be about Kara figuring out who she really wanted to be. Alex couldn’t let her problems get in the way of that, not again. 

So Alex got on her Ducati - drunk - and drove to an AA meeting in some terrifyingly quiet suburb of National City. She couldn’t ever risk seeing someone she knew, that would ruin both her personal and professional life, and besides she was entirely certain that this was just a one time thing. Alex just needed to see a bunch of sad people who had ruined their lives, so that she would feel bad enough about herself to move from six glasses a night to two. 

As she approached the building, she quickly came to the realization that it was a church, and she kicked herself for clicking on the wrong link in her drunken state. At least it was in the basement, so Alex didn’t have to feel like she was going to be smited the moment she trailed down the stairs. 

When she actually walked into the room she noted the table lined with donuts, cookies, coffee, orange juice, and...pizza? She remember back in her partying days when J’onn had taken her to AA a few times in the city. The most they ever had was stale coffee and dried out donuts. This almost made the trip out to the smaller community worth it. 

The second thing she noticed was that this meeting was tiny in comparison to the way they were packed into chairs like sardines at her old meetings. There was no parole officer making them sign their forms at the start, middle, and end of the meeting so they could prove to the judges that they were actually complying with the court ordered regulations. There was no podium, no AA handbook sitting at the front of the room, waiting to be read. No junkies waiting outside to meet up with their wayward friends. No slight smell of urine. No leaky ceiling. No way to hide.

This was going to be a long night. 

“Help yourself to some snacks. Barb’s husband made the cookies.” Alex turns when she hears the warm voice directed toward her. It startles her, which is surprising. Usually, Alex’s leather jacket, motorcycle helmet dangling from her hand, and stoic face is a turn off for the more chatty alcoholics. But this guy smiles at her, and so she’s forced to give him an approving nod, as she makes her way to the table. 

She eyes the cookies, which do actually look very good, and grabs a few, sticking one into her mouth as she heads over to take a seat. Alex slides her helmet under her chair, and tries not to look as awkward as she feels, but the chairs are set up in a circle, and that means that Alex can’t just sink in her seat and zone out. 

She starts to seriously begin questioning her motives and morals, when a business suit-clad woman takes a seat across from Alex. She’s on the phone, half-whispering, half-trying-not-to-smile, and Alex is completely stunned. Not just because Alex is thrown off by how beautiful this woman is, but also because Alex now has to spend the next two hours trying not to look at her. 

Barb, as it turns out is celebrating her sixth year today. Everyone seems thrilled, and even Alex finds herself smiling as the cookie guy - known by the rest of the world as Andre - brings out a little cake, and leads them all in singing happy birthday. It all isn’t singing and cake though. Alex does actually learn a bit about this lady named Catherine when she shares her story with them. She has a really funny way of saying her ‘A’s that makes Alex think that she might be from Metropolis or something, but her story is interesting. Long winded, but she has a sort of raw honesty that seems to knock the room off balance. Alex likes her. Or at least she likes the fact that Catherine isn’t as scared of herself as Alex is of her own shadow. 

No one asks Alex to share, which is a good thing. Because after sitting for so long, somehow she feels drunker, and she isn’t certain that she wouldn’t slur her words if she spoke up. She does get a chance to hear the beautiful woman’s name though. It’s Sam, and she just moved here with her daughter, and she’s starting her new job the next day. Andre pats Sam’s shoulder and tells her that she’ll love it in National City, and Alex has to bite her tongue so that she doesn’t blurt out some stupid thing about how the suburbs aren’t really the city like some kind of elitist. 

The meeting then turns into everyone sharing their favorite thing to do in the city, and Alex straight up cackles when Catherine says that her favorite thing used to be drinking a giant 64 ounce margarita at the pub on 28th. “You’ve never been to The Red Lion then.” Alex accidently says.

“Oh shit, yeah, they’ve got good stuff too.” Catherine exclaims. Andre quickly steers the conversation back to typical AA things before the meeting is over. It’s only then that Alex sort of replays what she said earlier, and figures that she probably slurred “never been” in a way that made it sound more like nevaben. She wants to facepalm but that wouldn’t do much now, so she grabs her helmet, and heads back to the food table to grab a few cold slices before she leaves. 

Alex is in the middle of double stacking two slices, and taking a huge bite like some kind of Kara, when Sam eyeballs the six pieces left in the box. “Did you bring the pizza? My kid waits up for me, and second dinner is never a bad idea.” Alex’s mouth is so full that she has to choke down a mountain of cheese for a few seconds before she realizes that she doesn’t have to actually speak, and instead she just shakes her head ‘no’. 

“I think Barb might’ve brought it.” Alex suggests. 

“Cool, I’ll ask her.” Sam shuffles her way back through the room to catch up to Barb before she leaves. Alex slips out relatively unnoticed, except when she and Andre do an awkward little dance by the door as they try to walk up the stairs at the same time. He reminds her of the meeting times, and tells her that on the weekends they have two meetings on Saturdays and Sundays, probably because he’s not an idiot and can smell the liquor on Alex. 

She starts to feel like a particularly heinous breed of monster, but pushes down the feeling by reminding herself that she actually did something okay by showing up somewhere other than a bar for a change. Just as she’s swinging her leg over her bike, she spots Sam carrying a box of pizza, and jogging - in heels - toward her. “Hey, you...uh…” Alex holds off on putting on her helmet, while she waits for Sam to stop looking so frantic.

“Alex.” 

“Right, Alex...I um…” Sam is not good at making Alex feel comfortable. Her awkwardness is about to become contagious, and Alex knows in that moment that she will never be coming back to this meeting ever again. “Okay, so you’re drunk.” Sam says very matter of fact, and Alex sort of wishes that the awkward and unsure woman would return. “I can call you a Lyft, if you want.” Alex resists the urge to blow up at Sam. She wants to tell her off, to say something like fuck you, I’m not drunk, but lying to a fellow alcoholic about alcohol is a bit tacky, and it would never work. 

“Okay.” Even though she knows it’ll be a pain in the ass to have to come and get her bike tomorrow, at least she’ll have a reason to go to another meeting, and there’s no way that will hurt. Alex tries not to look at Sam, because she has a serious fear of being a disappointment to strangers, but when she finally does look, Sam actually appears to be kind of...proud? “What?”

“I thought I’d have to fight you on that.” Sam shakes her head. “Here, put in your address.” Sam hands Alex the phone with the Lyft app up on it. After Alex types in her address, she hands the phone back to Sam who looks very surprised. “The city? Wow, you’re what, like thirty minutes out of the way?”

“It goes quick on the bike.” Alex says with a shrug. 

“You live right by where I’m gonna work.” Sam says kind of offhandedly. Alex knows that the woman is lingering, and it’s driving her crazy. 

“I know how to get into a car, you don’t have to stay.” Sam responds by rattling off something about her phone location, and some other poor excuse about why she has to stay. It’s because she doesn’t trust Alex. It’s because she thinks that some idiot who’d show up to an AA meeting drunk would also flake, and get herself killed driving home that way. Or at least Alex thinks Sam thinks that, but there’s also the possibility that she was just this caring, and this nice, and that was a bit unsettling for Alex. 

“Was this your first time?”

“No. You?”

“No.” Sam drums her fingers against the pizza box. “I’ve been on and off for a long time, stress brings things on in waves for me, and with the move, and new job, and...well you get it.” 

Alex does get it. “It works if you work it.” 

“You don’t believe that.” Sam bites the inside of her cheek. 

“So, what? It seemed like you needed to hear it.” Alex shrugs. She can see the Lyft driver getting confused about which driveway to enter, so she slides off her bike, and gives Sam a small nod. “I owe you.” It’s a half-assed thing to say to someone she might not ever see again, but Sam smiles anyway. 

“Be safe.” That feels oddly maternal, Alex thinks. Then she’s quickly reminded as Sam heads over to a minivan that Sam’s a mom, dumbass, so of course she would be going out of her way to take care of some total stranger. When she slides into the back of the car, the driver eyes her through the rearview mirror. 

“Sam?” Alex nods is lieu of explaining that she’s tipsy, and probably couldn’t drive home, and that’s why she accidentally hit her helmet against the seat when she got in. Alex just slumps against the door, and closes her eyes on the long ride home. 

 

*

 

Alex returns the next evening. She has a massive gash on her arm from a rogue alien escape, and the bandage she’s wearing is bleeding through, so she plans a route to stop at a drug store on the way home. Before she can hop on her bike and get the hell out of there, Catherine locks her car, and motions toward the church doors. “Ever had Pączki?” Alex is very caught off guard, until she sees a glass dish covered in foil in Catherine’s hands. “Fucking delicious, I swear.” So Alex ends up following her inside, and staying for the meeting and the seven Pączki that she wolfs down throughout. 

She does feel bad that she makes it to game night late, which causes an uproar on behalf of Winn who was banking on reprising his role as banker for Monopoly before Alex could swoop in and claim it. But Alex has a scheme going with Lena to slip her extra cash, and as soon as Lena sees Alex step through the door she exclaims, “Thank god, you’re here. I thought I might actually lose.” 

Winn sinks so low in the couch that James considers putting a pillow on top of him, so that Kara will sit on him when she returns from the kitchen, but he decides that Winn’s already too upset to do so. Instead, James nudges Winn over so that Alex can sit down. “You’re lateee.” Kara sing-songs, but she’s holding out a take out box of lo mein toward her anyway. “Where were you?” Alex takes the box, and plops down on the couch next to Winn. 

“Out.” Alex shrugs. 

“Is that code?” Winn stage whispers to James. Alex kicks his ankle, and he reacts with a loud yelp. 

“I was grocery shopping.” Alex lies. No one even catches the lie except Lena who’s looking at her in an entirely non judgemental, but curious way. 

Even if Kara suspects that Alex only ever grocery shops for liquor, she doesn’t say anything except, “I hope you got those cheesy puff things.” Unsurprisingly, Alex knows exactly what Kara’s talking about, and she makes a mental note to pick up two bags on her way home tonight. 

Monopoly is fun, like always. Lena almost gets pressured into emoting halfway through the game ruining her calm-cool-and collected streak of six weeks. But she quickly recovers, and absolutely obliterates James to the point of Alex subtly wondering if they’re still dating. Alex loses early because she’s way too focused on trying to slip Lena money and not drink that she forgets that strategy is actually a part of the game. 

Alex doesn’t mind losing, but it does leave her a decent chance to catch up on what’s going on in everyone’s lives. Winn has been using Tindr a lot lately, and he has some pretty hilarious stories about this guy who wanted to role play as Superman. Kara covers her entire face with a pillow, while Lena makes some comment about how Supergirl has better arms, and Alex punches Kara so hard in the shoulder that she actually thinks it hurt. 

There’s so much laughing going on that Alex legit has to excuse herself, so she can wipe the tears off her face. When she emerges from the bathroom, Lena is standing there looking as shy as Alex has ever seen her. She didn’t even know Lena could be nervous until now. “What?” Alex sounds harsher than she means to, but by jumping the gun on defensiveness she’s quick to scramble out an apology before Lena takes offense. 

Because Alex actually likes Lena. She thinks she smart, and brave, and she thinks that she was hilariously naive to ever think that Lena of all people was one of the bad guys. “Do you think I could invite someone else to game night?” 

“I’m not taking attendance, Kara is. I don’t mind.” Alex thinks about that again, “as long as it’s not a guy. I don’t want James to start making jokes about even odds.”

“Don’t worry. She’s just someone I work with.” Lena assures Alex. “I just wanted to ask you first. Kara might be in charge of game nights, but I know you’re protective.” It only occurs to Alex later on that Lena was saying that because she doesn’t feel like she’s really a part of the group. Which is ridiculous because Kara would literally die for Lena. And Alex might too. 

So when everyone’s grabbing their things to head home, and Winn is throwing out suggestions for next week like he always does, Alex lingers long enough to walk out with Lena. When they make it outside, Lena doesn’t call her ride just yet. “We should have game night at your place sometime,” Alex suggests.

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’d be fun. And Kara wouldn’t have home court advantage during pictionary.” Alex adds the last part because she knows it would make Lena laugh, and it does. “Plus, I have to go through the hundreds of rare books you probably have lining your walls.”

“You’re a nerd.”

“Look who's talking.” Alex rests her helmet on the back of her head for a moment. “We gotta find another way to cheat by the way. Your boyfriend is onto us.” Lena’s face falls.

“We’re not dating anymore.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”

 

“It’s okay.” Lena says with a shrug. It kind of hits Alex all at once that love and relationships are fleeting. After Alex gets on her bike she goes to the store, buys those cheese puff things, and a bottle of whiskey. 

 

*

 

Alex avoids AA for a bit after that. She’s too ashamed to admit anything to anyone just yet, so she just kind of floats through the days without relying too much on anything or anyone. Vasquez is racing Winn to hack into a subsector of Cadmus when a thought hits Alex like a freight train. 

“Do you like games?” Alex asks Vasquez. Vasquez keeps typing, but her fingers trail through her hair like she actually needed to consider the question. “Or movies? Or like...people?”

“Yes?”

“Ooooh, are we playing twenty questions?” Winn interjects. “What’s your favorite food?”

“Shut up, Winn. I was just asking to see if Vasquez wanted to come to game night.” It terrifies Alex to think that they’ve been casual friends for so long, but she never actually thought to invite her. Actually everyone who was ever there came because of Kara. “What do you say?”

“Sure.” Alex could see the gears turning in Vasquez’s head. “Kara has asked me a few times actually, but I didn’t want to intrude.” 

“No way, you’re not intruding.” Winn assures Vasquez with a warm smile.

“Thanks.” And then Vasquez out hacks Winn with ease, causing Winn to kick his chair back, but high five Vasquez on her technique anyway. 

Alex is relatively surprised that the week has gone by so fast. But that’s what happens when you spend hours doing nothing, and drink hours away. But Alex is relieved when Kara texts her that there’s been a change of plans, and they’re actually having game night at James’. Moments later Winn texts her explaining that Kara had flown through her own window because she heard a kitten crying outside, and now he and Kara would be late because they needed to get kitten stuff. 

Alex rolled her eyes, and knocked on James’ door. When Alex is let in with a hug, Alex remembers that she hadn’t been to James’ apartment for at least a year. It was much larger than Kara’s place, but it felt just as homey outside of the sleek framed photographs all around. 

Vasquez shows up next, and she looks very happy that Alex is at least there, because she doesn’t really know much about James. Vasquez brings a fruit platter which Alex thinks is hilarious, but James looks genuinely thankful, and Alex wonders if he knows how to be mean. 

They don’t even have to see Kara to know that she’s there because she’s practically screaming as James opens the door and lets Kara, Winn, and a little black and white shorthair kitten into the apartment. Vasquez actually does scream, and everyone finds out that she’s the proud mom of four cats named after the planets - Venus, Jupiter, Mars, and Pluto. Alex is seriously seconds away from calling Lena so that she can actually start making fun of people for being total dweebs, but Kara is thrusting the cat in her face, and she has no choice but to become a surrogate mom for a few minutes while Kara sets up the food and water bowls. 

When there’s a knock at the door again, Kara makes her answer because James is pulling out homemade tarts - because of course he is - and Kara thinks that Alex looks hilarious holding such a tiny bundle of joy, when she’s a bundle of grumpiness. Alex doesn’t care, because she’s slowly falling in love with the kitten, and she’s all but certain that everyone already knows that. 

Nothing can ruin her mood until she opens the door, and sees who’s standing behind Lena. Sam. Sam from AA. Sam who Alex was never supposed to see again. Lena’s intuitive, so she knows that Alex’s reaction is because of Sam, and no matter how quickly Alex tries to cover it up with a welcoming smile, Lena still knows. 

“This is Sam.” Lena says. “Sam, this is Kara’s sister, Alex.” Sam nods like she’s playing along with some kind of game, and Alex wants to grab her and quickly explain the rules before she enters the apartment. 

“Lena, there are blueberry tarts!” Kara yells from where she’s standing beside James. “And a cat.”

“Yeah, I see.” Lena extends her hands and guilts Alex into handing her over. They all enter the room, Sam eyeing Alex curiously as she does so. “Everyone this is Sam.”

“Hi, Sam.” They all say with varying degrees of interest. Kara takes the lead and starts giving Sam a quick elevator pitch about everyone in the room. When she gets to Alex, she says, “And Alex is my big sister. She works in security. FBI actually. She’s also a doctor, technically.” Kara is obviously too excited to keep track of her lies, and Alex is almost certain that she’s eventually going to out herself as Supergirl tonight. Which is actually the least of Alex’s current worries. Right now, Alex is basically a bundle of nerves, terrified of Sam saying something about AA. 

It is anonymous, but still. 

“The pizza’s are ready too, guys. Dig in.” James points at Kara. “Save some for the rest of us.”

“No promises.” Kara says already stacking a few slices onto her plate. “We’re playing Cards Against Humanity.” Kara adds before she moves onto grabbing another plate. 

“But there’s no skill involved in that game.” Winn wines. 

“The skill is a sense of humor.” Vasquez says, and Alex already loves having her there to berate Winn while she’s too busy having a mental breakdown. 

“Can you believe he made fruit tarts? Regretting that breakup yet?” Alex jokes. 

“Wait, that’s James?” Sam says, her jaw practically hitting the floor. “You never told me how hot he was.” Sam nudges Lena. Alex laughs and grabs herself a plate. 

“I did, you just never listen to me.” Lena reminds Sam, and it’s very clear that these two have been friends forever, if their unsubtle bickering is any indication. Lena ends up holding Alex and Sam up by the food, while Kara and James explain how the game works to Vasquez who has apparently been living in a hole. 

“Alex, I got your favorite whiskey.” James hollers from the couch. Alex knows because she’s been eyeing it the entire time Lena has been pouring herself a glass of wine. 

“Thanks.” 

“I’ve got whatever in the cabinet, Sam, if you want something.” James sincerity is creating a tension that only Sam, Alex, and apparently Lena can see. 

“I’ll just take water, I have to drive.” Alex admires her ability to hold back, and she’s sure that telling a bunch of strangers that she’s an alcoholic is probably very daunting. Alex still pours herself a drink, and refuses to look at Sam for the entire night. 

And, of course, it turns out that avoiding Sam’s gaze is impossible. She’s funny, quick as a whip, and smart as hell too. Lena obviously downplayed things when she said she was bringing an employee, because Sam was the new CFO of L-Corp, and she was a steal according to Lena. Sam fit in remarkably well, and even Vasquez seemed comfortable joking around with her. 

Kara won, which surprised no one. Her good nature and the fact that she was from a different planet actually made her more ridiculous, which was the key to winning. Alex finally gets the cat back from Lena, and about halfway through the game, the kitten is sleeping on her shoulder causing Kara to squeal and take about a hundred pictures. 

After the game they move on to watching some 80s horror film, which everyone is into except Sam, so Lena takes pity on her, and the pair retreat to James’ study to talk. Alex doesn’t really feel like she belongs in either room, but Lena has the scotch, so she follows them. “So how was day one?” Lena asks.

“You were there. It was great, mostly. That one guy...with the hair?”

“Austin,” Lena supplies. 

“Yeah, he got me caught up really fast. And Jess? Oh my god, she’s amazing.”

“Told you.” Lena takes another drink. “It wasn’t too much? Or too overwhelming?” Sam leans back, amused by the sincerity of Lena’s concerns. 

“She’s babying me,” Sam tells Alex. “Lena, I loved it. I love you. You were right, I needed a change.” 

“I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Suddenly Alex feels like she’s intruding. 

“She’s worried that I’ll go off the deep end again. Last time I crashed my car into a pole and broke my kid’s arm.” Sam’s words come out harsh, and Alex is taken aback by the outburst. Lena isn’t. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Lena says, squeezing Sam’s hand. 

“In terms of fuck-ups you’re in good company. I’m a total fuck-up, and Lena’s fuck-up adjacent.” Alex says it with a fond smile, and she likes that Sam actually appears to be more relaxed.

This time Alex doesn’t have to strategize her exit. She just sort of ends up in the same elevator as Sam, and they happen to be parked pretty close in the lot for James’ place. It takes ages for Alex to actually get the courage to say anything, let alone what actually comes out, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Sam isn’t playing naive, it’s a genuine question. 

“You needed an ally in there. I should’ve been it.” Alex sticks her hands into her pockets. “To be honest, I have no idea why I went to that meeting. And I really...I appreciate you helping me out the other day, I just-.”

“It’s called anonymous for a reason. I won’t say anything,” Sam assures Alex. “Catherine organized this bowling thing, and she was like a Polish phenom. And she and Barb’s husband have been rotating on the snacks, and Andre is worried that it’s starting to become a competition because last Thursday Barb brought in an entire turkey.” Sam laughs at the memory, Alex laughs too because she thinks that Sam’s rant is as charming as it is hopeful. “You don’t just come to an AA meeting because you stumbled thirty minutes east and ended up in the basement of some church. You came because you think you need help. So...accept help sometimes, or did they not teach you that in FBI-security-doctor school?”

“I’ll consider it.”

“Good.” Sam smiles, and unlocks her car door. “On that note, Lena is coming down here, and calling you a cab.”

“What?” 

Alex turns when she hears high heels clacking against the ground. Suddenly Lena is handing the cat to her along with a bag filled with cat food, toys, a litter box, litter, and two silver bowls. “Kara says the cat is yours now,” Lena says with a frown. “But I named her Xena, and as my friend you have to at least give me that.”

“Fine.” Alex happily takes Xena, thinking about how this is probably the closest she’ll ever come to being a parent. And with those dark brown eyes staring back at her, she almost thinks that it might be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love it, hate it, accidentally end up receiving a cat named Xena too? Let me know (especially if you have a cat, I wanna know)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the wonderful comments. I was supposed to wait until sometime next week to post this, but Happy Halloween!

One night, instead of drinking, Alex gets the brilliant idea to cut her hair. She’s bored, and Kara’s busy saving the world as a journalist for a change, so she just kinda goes for it. Her brain short circuits into panic when she sees what she’s done, and she is a second away from drowning herself in booze when she gets the bright idea to actually be an active participant in her own life. 

 

Vasquez arrives about an hour later with hair clippers. But she refuses to actually do anything about Alex’s hair until she gets some quality cuddle time with Xena, and at least five minutes to laugh at Alex’s attempt at living out her teenage angst. Despite being so annoying, Vasquez is really good at doing hair, and as she’s clipping away, she kind of chuckles to herself. “You’re gonna look so gay.” Alex rolls her eyes, but when she turns around she’s actually stunned. 

 

Vasquez has given her an undercut, and trimmed the rest of her hair just enough to give it a nice flow at the top of her head. “You like it, right?” Alex loves it. She loves it so much that she volunteers to cat sit for Vasquez next weekend, while she goes to some Con in Metropolis. 

 

Her confidence is boosted when she stops by L-Corp, and hears someone shout “Damn!” through a conference room. When she turns around Lena is racing after her with a grin. “Alex, you look amazing.” They head toward her office where Jess actually drops her mug when she sees Alex. “Jess...you’re a hot mess,” Lena says before rushing over to help her clean up. 

 

“Didn’t mean to cause an uproar,” Alex jokes. Jess blushes, and Lena looks between them laughing. When things have settled, Alex finds herself sitting out on Lena’s balcony munching on her lunch across from Lena. 

 

This is...weird, Alex thinks. Mostly because a year ago she would never think that she’d be spending any time with Lena, let alone going out of her way to do so. But they both love Kara, and that gave them an actual avenue to connect, and their brains pretty much did the rest. Alex likes the way Lena’s always up for a challenge. She enjoys the hint of defiance that always colors their conversations. It’s actually nice to have a friend who isn’t constantly hovering around the subject of Maggie as if Alex will break if her name gets mentioned. 

 

Because Alex did break, and she is broken, but that doesn’t mean she won’t find a way to keep existing. “Why didn’t you tell anyone that you were getting a haircut? You know Kara’s going to be upset about not getting to do fun before and after pictures.” 

 

“I just kinda did it. Vasquez helped me look presentable, at least.” Alex runs her fingers through her hair, still loving the way it feels. 

 

“Well, it’s so you,” Lena adds. “So, enough about you. I have a new project I’m working on,” Lena starts. “It’s basically an attachment for your bike.”

 

“It’s  _ Ducati _ specific?”

 

“It’s Alex specific.” Lena says jabbing at Alex’s hand. “Kara has been worried about you, so why not make you safer?”

 

“She’s always worried,” Alex reminds Lena who shrugs, and goes into the details of a really kick ass attachment. Alex is just about to ask how soon she can check out the prototype, when Sam sticks her head out of the balcony door. 

 

“Lena, the Russians are on the line, and-.” Sam stops suddenly when she sees Alex. Her eyes going a little wide. “Oh, hey Alex, I didn’t know you were here.”

 

“Are they asking about the merger?” Lena questions. 

 

“Yes, and they think you’re going over their heads on the public park.” 

 

“It’s a park. Parks have green space, right Alex?” Alex isn’t sure if she’s actually supposed to answer Lena, so she just kind of nods. She checks her watch, and sees that she should be going anyway. 

 

“I should get back to work,” Alex says, standing up, “Don’t forget about the prototype,” She reminds Lena. “Oh, and be nice to the Russians, if I have to stop a nuke I’m gonna be really pissed off.” Lena waves her off. 

 

As Alex walks past Sam, she gives her a smile. Simple, noncommittal, but nice enough. “I made brownies,” Sam sort of whispers to Alex.

 

“Brownies?”

 

“For the meeting tonight. They’re double fudge if...you’re interested.” Sam glances over her shoulder at Lena who obviously can’t hear them, but is studying the interaction through the window anyway. 

 

“Okay.” Alex thinks Sam has a funny way of trying to get her to show up, but she admires the try. She also admires Sam’s sleek black blazer, black pants, and fitted white button up. The heels are a nice touch, and they make Sam’s legs look kind of amazing. Sam waves as Alex leaves, and Alex debates hugging her before she goes. She doesn't.

 

Jess blushes again, when Alex says bye, and Alex feels a little more confident during the rest of her day at the DEO. 

 

* * *

 

Alex does go to the AA meeting. She surprises herself when she speeds past her apartment, and keeps going until she’s back at that stupid little church. She gives Kara a call and tells her that Xena needs her aunt for a few hours, and the sudden gust of wind she hears over the phone, tells her that Kara is already on her way to Alex’s apartment. 

 

Catherine hugs her when she sees her this time. She says  _ long time no see _ , but it doesn’t make Alex feel ashamed, just welcome. Sam is setting up the food table as Alex steps further into the room. “You showed.”

 

“There was food involved.” Alex knows it’s a bit of a push, and Sam knows that too, but she cuts a giant brownie out for Alex and hands it to her anyway. 

 

Alex does actually talk a little this time. Her hands kind of shake when she admits that she is an alcoholic, but she finds her rhythm talking about Kara, and how supportive she was during some of the tougher years. She realizes about halfway through that she isn’t even really talking about herself or alcohol, just that she feels like she doesn’t know how to be the person everyone needs her to be. That really seems to resonate with Sam, because Alex can see the tears welling up in her eyes. 

 

Andre makes a really big deal about a barbecue that he’s hosting the following weekend. It’s open to everyone, and their families, but everyone needs to bring something to the party. Catherine literally shouts “no alcohol though”, and Alex and Sam laugh in unison while they try and find a way to split up the remaining brownies. 

 

Alex has fun, and it makes her feel like actual garbage knowing that she’s going to go home, and have to lie to Kara. Sam must sense Alex’s uneasiness, so when they’re walking to the parking lot, “My kid’s at scout camp this weekend. Do you wanna go get ice cream or something?”

 

“You’re trying to give me a sugar overdose,” Alex says with a smile. “Not that I’m complaining.”

 

“I know a place.”

 

“Fine, but I won’t be caught dead in a minivan until I have a kid of my own. You’re coming with me.” Alex reaches into the pack sitting on the back of her bike, and pulls out a helmet. 

 

“You’re kidding.” 

 

“Don’t worry, I’m pretty good at this.” It isn’t all that convincing considering Sam knows that Alex has driven the bike drunk, but she still reaches out, and takes the helmet anyway. They bundle the brownies, and put them into the bike storage, before they slide on. “You have to actually hold on.” Sam wraps her arms around Alex’s waist, and they head to a dainty little mom and pop ice cream parlor just a few miles away. 

 

Sam gets a vanilla scoop, which Alex almost laughs at until Sam piles on chocolate chips, sprinkles, hot fudge, and strawberry sauce. Alex goes for the chocolate chip cookie dough, and puts on some marshmallows and extra chocolate chips. They find themselves sitting at a booth in the corner of the shop. “So do you want kids?” 

 

“Huh?” 

 

“You said that you wouldn’t be caught dead in a minivan until you had kids. Do you want them?” Sam repeats. 

 

“Yeah, I guess. I mean...yes.” Alex looks down at her spoon. “My ex-fiance didn’t so hence the downward spiral.” 

 

“Why didn’t he want kids?” That almost makes Alex laugh. “He”. She really was going to have to come out to every single person she ever met. 

 

“ _ She _ had a rough childhood. Her parents kicked her out because she was gay, and I think...I think she just finally wanted a life for herself.” Alex sounded rehearsed, because she never quite understood Maggie’s reason fully. Sam was proof that a person could be successful and have a kid - apparently be an alcoholic too - all while having a pretty decent life. “I like taking care of people.” Alex eats another bite of ice cream. “Hilarious, I know.”

 

“It’s actually really...charming.” Sam says with a smile. 

 

“So, what’s the deal with you being all secretive and shit?” Alex asks out of the blue. She knows it’s out of the blue because Sam looks totally baffled when the words leave her mouth. “You keep saying “my kid”. No names.”

 

“They train you well at the FBI, don’t they?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Well, Ruby is very special to me. I just want to protect her.” Sam says it so directly, that Alex knows that’s all there is to it. 

 

“Is there another parent in the picture?” That’s a sore subject, so Alex goes in to deflect for Sam.  “Sorry, that was way too personal.” 

 

“It’s okay. Ruby’s father really hasn’t been a part of my life for awhile now. He never really was,” Sam explains. “Fuck him.” Sam shakes her head at that thought. And Alex knows that feeling. Maybe not exactly, but when she’s not in a full on depression about Maggie, she’s angry at her. “Sorry.”

 

“Nah, you deserve to have some fire. It suits you.” Sam blushes, and Alex realizes that she really loves making women blush. She never really had the opportunity before, because Maggie was the one making her flustered. But now? New hair, new person, Alex thought. 

 

“Your haircut suits you.”

 

“Oh yeah? You don’t really know me though.” 

 

“What makes you think that Lena hasn’t told me absolutely everything about you?” Good point. “Not that she has, or actually would.”  _ Better point _ . “She actually kept me very up to date on her life. I knew about everything and everyone except...you.”

 

“Funny, I could say the same about you.” 

 

They go on like that for awhile. Sam holding things back, Alex doing the same, but it’s fun. Sam has a great laugh, so Alex lets some of her goofy side show just to hear it some more. They’ve breached casual by the time they’ve finished their ice cream, and on the way back to Alex’s bike, Sam seems to be kind of tiptoeing around something, and Alex starts to get impatient. She climbs onto the bike with Sam close behind her, but she doesn’t give Sam her helmet just yet. “You’ve gotten very quiet.”

 

“I’m thinking.”

 

“About…?”

 

“Your hair.” Sam lets out a breath against Alex’s neck, it sounds like a laugh. “Can I touch your hair?” It comes across playfully, but Alex briefly considers how bad it’ll be for her ego when she melts under Sam’s touch. Which of course she does as soon as Sam’s long fingers trail against her scalp. Luckily Sam is behind her, so she doesn’t notice how fucking embarrassingly touch starved Alex is. “It’s so soft.” Sam runs her fingers through the rest of her hair, as if she’s trying to find an imperfection, some tangled spots, but it’s smooth because Vasquez had insisted on her actually taking care of her hair at least. 

 

“You sound surprised.”

 

“You put on a tough front, but you’re a softy. I can tell.” 

 

When Alex goes home that night she convinces herself that she’ll actually try and go to another AA meeting that week. Assuming there isn’t a massive alien attack, she doesn’t fold under the pressure of lying to Kara, and game night doesn’t have her favorite whiskey. 

 

For now, Alex can only manage small promises to herself. But it’s something. 

 

* * *

 

Kara had been suspicious of Alex for a week now. Alex figured maybe a week and two days, but Kara usually didn’t sit on things for that long. (Besides not telling the entire world that she’s Supergirl, of course). But this was actually rather surprising. Alex found out that Kara had been asking a few questions behind her back, which didn’t mean much, except Vasquez seemed to think that Kara was worried about Alex’s romantic life. 

 

Apparently, spending more than two days a week having a private life was way too much for Kara to comprehend, so Kara was certain that Alex was dating again. Not to mention the new haircut. All roads pointed to love, and Kara had been scavenging everyone in a desperate attempt at finding out the truth. 

 

Everyone  _ except  _ Alex. 

 

So Alex cornered Kara, and asked her if she wanted to spar, and Kara quickly jumped at the opportunity. When they got into the room, Alex turned on the Kryptonite inhibitors, and they both walked into the ring. Alex thought it was funny that Kara insisted on changing her clothes. Alex reminded her that training is to prepare for the field, and unless Supergirl was going to be running around wearing unicorn leggings and a tank top, Kara should actually keep on her uniform. 

 

Kara ignored her, which Alex probably should’ve expected.

 

“We haven’t done this in awhile.” Kara says as they start circling each other. That makes Alex feel a little sad. She had been very wrapped up in Maggie, Kara had been wrapped up with Mon-el too, but still. They didn’t get to spend enough time with each other ever. It occurs to Alex as Kara is trying to sweep her legs out from under her, that Kara does actually look older. Saving the world has taken a toll on her, and so has loss. Instead of punching Kara right now, she just wants to hug her, and Kara notices the change in Alex’s demeanor. “What?”

 

“Nothing, keep going.” Kara’s gotten slower. You would think that after three years of training and fighting and learning, that she would’ve gotten faster or at least more precise. But Alex makes easy work of Kara, flipping her over her shoulders, and hovering over her. Kara was more free years ago. She didn’t have so much strain, all this pressure. 

 

“I’ve noticed that lately your fights have been more rushed. You go for big knockout punches, and that’s it.” Alex helps Kara back up to her feet.

 

“Less risk that way.”

 

“Less risk for everyone else maybe, not for you.” Alex stares at Kara for a long moment before looking away. “You’re too afraid to make mistakes.”

 

“Are you saying I should fail more?”

 

“Yes, actually.” They start sparring again. Kara acts like she has something to prove, but her kicks are late, and Alex could be doing this with her eyes closed. “Clark’s a perfectionist. You never were, your emotions are what make you stronger.”

 

“Yes, sensei,” Kara says with a chuckle. 

 

“You’re so weird.”

 

“Speaking of weird, Lena said that you and Sam were talking.” Kara tries to cover up the obvious prying by throwing an uppercut, but Alex blocks her, and kicks her in the side. “Okay, time out! Ow.” Kara holds her side, and Alex rests her hands on her hips, and laughs. 

 

“Talking? As in saying two words as I was leaving Lena’s office?”

 

“Kinda. Maybe? She said it was more than two,” Kara looks at Alex pointedly. “She seems nice.”

 

“Sure.”

 

“And she’s really...tall?”

 

“Kara.” 

 

“Yes.” Kara bites her nails, watching as Alex slumps back against the wall. “Sorry, I’m not trying to say anything more. I literally just think that you two could be friends. She’s new here, and Lena says that she’s kinda a museum buff, and you love museums. Plus she’s Lena’s friend, so she’s gotta be awesome, right? And it’s good to have friends, and Lena is sooo busy with work, so if she spends all her time hanging out with Sam, then I’ll like barely see her-”

 

“Wait, are you seriously trying to force me to be friends with some rando so you can hang out with Lena?” Of course, she was. Because this was Kara, and she had to always find the nicest way to get what she wanted. 

 

“Kinda. I...wait, what did you think I was trying to do? Oh.” Kara frowned. “ _ Oh.  _ Sorry, Alex, I don’t think Sam’s…”

 

“I’m heartbroken,” Alex deadpanned. “Why don’t you just, oh I don’t know,  _ talk _ to Lena. Tell her that you miss hanging out.”

 

“I don’t want to bother her.” 

 

“She’s your best friend. You can’t bother a best friend, or a sister.” Alex gives Kara a reassuring smile. “I’m here for you too. Whether you wanna spar or talk, don’t be afraid to ask.”

 

* * *

 

If Alex had actually known that Kara asking her to come over and “hang out” actually meant that they would be repainting her walls and fixing her window, then she would’ve definitely continued her X-Files marathon with Xena. And by  _ they _ , Alex - of fucking course - means Kara, Lena, and Sam. Thankfully, Alex left Xena with Winn who was apparently building something special that was top secret, but he was very happy to have the company. 

 

Kara threw a tank top at Alex’s face when she walked through the door, and told her to put it on. Lena and Kara were on window duty, which apparently consisted of them creating some kind of DIY stain glass effect, while Sam was taping down painter’s tape around the edges of the wall. This was the first time Alex had seen Sam dressed down, and her light grey joggers and black t-shirt made her look like some kind of dressed down gymnast, while Alex was sure that she looked like someone who was ready to fall asleep on a couch. Which was what she was planning on doing an hour ago. 

 

Alex yanked off her shirt, and threw on the tank-top that Kara had given her. When she approached Sam, she had a sort of half smile emerging, and Alex thought it was really a good look for her. Alex peered down at the paint, and saw that Kara was going with a pastel yellow, and before Alex could say a thing, “It’s so the sun will reflect off it, and make the room really bright.” 

 

“I figured.” Alex helped Sam climb onto a ladder, so that she could finish protecting the ceiling. It baffled her, how easily Kara could get people to do anything. Lena was obviously in love with Kara and Alex was forced to love her out of sisterly obligation, but what the hell was Sam’s excuse? Sam didn’t even know her, and here she was painting her walls. Didn’t she have a kid? Alex wondered what Ruby thought of all this. 

 

“She’s really adventurous. She wants to try everything and right now it’s Girl Scouts. They are rushing to get their badges now because they want to outsell this other troop later in the year. Their leaders really discourage parents from being overbearing, which is something I’m actually trying to adhere to. I pick her up tomorrow morning at Three Rivers.” Sam starts pouring the paint into the paint tray, and grabbing a roller. She pushes another roller into Alex’s hands, “I’m not doing all this alone.” 

 

“How did you know…?”

 

“People have always given me that look. They either think I’ve ruined my life by having a kid or that I’m ruining my kids life by having a life of my own.” 

 

“I don’t think that.” Alex immediately regrets starting at the center of the wall because she knows that the corners are gonna be a pain in the ass later. “I admire the things you do. I’m sure Ruby does too.” Alex knows what it’s like to be judged, and she certainly won’t put Sam through that. “I don’t do free labor by the way, Kara.”

 

Kara gasps dramatically, and she and Lena say in unison  _ we know _ . Kara assures Alex that there will be food, and lots of it in a few minutes. “Better be.” 

 

“For two people who are so obsessed with food, you wouldn’t know it by looking at you.” Sam says making a point by nodding at Alex and Kara’s arms. “What regiment are you on? Steroids?”

 

“Boxing. And kickboxing. All kinds of boxing really.” Alex honestly hates having to listen to Kara lie because she’s so terrible at it. 

 

“Is that how you hurt your arm?” Sam asks, looking at the fading scar on Alex’s forearm.

 

“Something like that.” Sam’s comfortable enough to just let it go. “What about you? I mean, I know Lena gets her exercise by metaphorically curb stomping men, but what do you do?” Lena lets out a “hey!” from across the room, but Alex ignores her. 

 

“I do yoga with my daughter in the morning sometimes. I go on the occasional run too.” Sam shrugs a little, like she’s embarrassed to be put on the spot. 

 

“Well, it seems to be working for you,” Alex says, and she can hear Lena shushing Kara so she can listen in. Alex likes the distance between them though, and she likes the way Sam pushes her hair back behind her ear. She is undoubtedly attracted to Sam, but she knew that the moment she saw her, now it’s just a matter of quelling that attraction for the sake of her own sanity. 

 

For starters, Sam is really not interested in Alex. She knows this because Sam obviously thinks ( _ knows _ ) that Alex is a mess. She also knows this because Sam knows about all the baggage that’s weighing Alex down, and Alex could never imagine a reality where that would be attractive to anyone. Alex also suspects that Sam said something to Lena who then said something to Kara, and that was why Kara seemed rather certain about Sam’s sexuality. 

 

Alex shouldn’t even be thinking about this. She supposed to be painting. “Thanks.” Alex finally hears Kara and Lena getting into their usual scream fests over whatever hot journalism topic is relevant this week, and they’re far enough away to not listen in. Alex chances a glance over at Sam, who glances back with a smile. “You’re staring.” Sam whispers.

 

“I’m thinking about Andre.”

 

“Ooooh, he’s like seventy. Kinky.” Alex nudges Sam’s side.

 

“I meant...the barbecue. I might go.” Alex looks over at Sam hopefully, “Now’s the time that you say that you might go too.”

 

“I am going. Ruby and I made these cheesy potatoes that will probably give everyone a heart attack.”

 

“You’re bringing your kid? I mean...she knows that you’re…”

 

“Yeah,” Sam seems very content with that fact. “I like being honest with her. I need to be.” Alex knows that Sam isn’t judging her, but with Kara and Lena in the room, Alex considers how easy it would be just to have some honesty for a change. “You should come, but you have to bring something, or Andre will do that thing with his face.” Alex has only been to six meetings and she knows exactly what Sam is talking about. “Do you know where his house is?”

 

“I still don’t really get this AA thing. I mean, shouldn’t we be  _ not _ fraternizing.”

 

“What’s the point if you’re alone in the fight?” Sam says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “This is different, but I love it. Sometimes we have to be reminded that we’re people, don’t you think? It’s better than being alone ‘cause that’s pretty much what got me in trouble in the first place.” Sam eyeballs her work, before asking to switch angles with Alex. “Give me your number.”

 

“Okay. Why?”

 

“So I can text you Andre’s address.” Alex immediately starts regretting the choice to give Sam her number, when she reconsiders the fact that she used to have a very bad habit of drunk dialing people. And it’s not like she was sober queen of the world, she just hadn’t had a drink in three days, and she was pretty certain that wouldn’t last because she knew that Maggie’s birthday was coming up, and they had this whole trip planned to go to Niagara Falls. 

 

The food arrives, and Alex has to remind Kara - _twice_ \- that there are other people here who might actually want to eat too. Alex and Sam sit on the couch while Kara and Lena throw pillows on the floor, and half lay down. Halfway through another one of Lena’s work stories, Sam’s feet end up on Alex’s lap. She gives her a look that asks “is this okay?” and Alex nods because Sam is warm, and she looks comfortable, and she doesn’t want to make a big deal about anything. 

 

Kara can’t resist the urge to make everyone uncomfortable so she ends up making a comment about how cute Sam and Alex look sitting there with paint all over themselves. 

 

When they’re leaving Sam is the one that gives everyone hugs. She hangs on to Alex for a second longer just to say, “I’ll text you”, and of course Kara cocks her head to the side because she would be using her super hearing. Alex doesn’t have the energy to make up an excuse, so she just lets Kara make fun of her while they’re cleaning up the mess they made.

 

Driving home feels very freeing, but cold. Alex misses having someone to come home to. She misses warmth during the night. And as she’s falling asleep, Alex thinks about the barbecue, and Sam. She imagines that Sam will hug her, and she will be content, and Alex will finally be warm again. 

 

* * *

Alex wakes up at four in the morning. She doesn’t mean to, but it gives her exactly seven hours to figure out what she’s going to bring to the barbecue. Alex isn’t used to bringing anything but booze to a party, so she wants this to actually be good. She doesn’t know how to bake, but she does know how to look on the internet, and pretend like she has some idea about what to do. She tries, and fails miserably.

It’s now six in the morning. 

She could just grab something from the store, but for some reason she has some serious motivation this morning, and isn’t ready to give up. Alex calls Lena and isn’t surprised that she’s up, but is surprised that Lena offers to come over and help. Lena tells Alex that they’re going to make a pie, and as they set out the ingredients, Alex is certain that this is going to fail too. “I do know how to cook, in case you were wondering. I spent like half of my youth watching the  _ Food Network _ .” And she’s right. Alex does all the easy stuff like cut apples and heat up the oven. Lena makes the crust, and a lattice top with practiced ease. 

“Why are you making a pie?” Lena says it like the thought only occurred to her now, and Alex is comforted by the fact that Lena considers her such a good friend that she didn’t even question Alex’s motives before. 

“If I told you then you’d have to lie to Kara.” Alex watches Lena’s face fall. “Exactly.”

“I can, you know. I just don’t like to.” Lena sticks the pie in the oven, and crosses her arms over her chest. “Are you in grave danger?”

“Grave danger that involves pie?” 

“It’s been known to happen.”

“No.” Alex begins making a pot of coffee, while Lena sits on the counter. “And I will tell Kara eventually, so please don’t worry.”

“Okay.”

Lena will worry, and eventually being the cause of that will force Alex to admit what’s been going on. But for now, Alex is perfectly happy listening to music, and hearing Lena talk shit about how James buys all his shirts one size too small so that he’ll look as strong as Superman. They get a bit lost in talking about their relationship insecurities, and Alex has to hold back on her advice because she knows she’s bound to tell Lena that she and Kara are perfect for each other. When the pie is finally done, Alex says that she just needs to change her clothes really quick, but Lena is welcome to go through her stuff, and find an embarrassing picture of Kara or something. 

When Alex reemerges from her room, Lena is flailing around on a stool, laughing, and trying not to shoot her coffee out of her nose. Alex walks over and sees that Lena has found a picture of Alex at prom. With a boy. In between giggles, Lena slides Alex’s phone towards her, and says that she got a text. 

It’s from Sam, and Alex suspects that Lena already knows that. 

**[SAM]:** _ Let me know when you get here, I have like 30 things to warn you about before you actually come inside _

__

Alex is both disturbed and intrigued, but she mostly just wonders why Sam is there so damn early. Lena is chugging water, and complaining about how she laughed so hard that no oxygen got to her head for like five minutes. “A brain dead CEO, like we don’t have enough leaders like that as it is,” Alex mumbles. That throws Lena into another fit of laughter, which gives Alex enough time to respond to Sam. 

**[ALEX]:** _ Why are you there early? I know Andre is basically our leader, but do we get extra sobriety coins if we show up early? _

__

**[SAM]:** _ I hope so, otherwise I’m totally wasting my time. _

**[SAM]:** _ I’ll see you soon? Drive safe. _

__

Alex smiles a little at her phone, and Lena clears her throat loudly, before standing, taking a bow and heading for the door. “My secret pie making mission is done. I’ll see you tomorrow at game night?”

“Oh, yeah, I’ll see you then.”

“It’s at my house.” Lena looks very proud saying it. Alex is happy she took her advice. “Don’t be late.” As Lena leaves, and Alex begins packing up the pie to take to a fucking AA barbecue, Alex thinks that this is as weird as her life has ever been. 

And she really really likes it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next is the actual BBQ, and me probably saying that this fic will most certainly be longer than 5 chapters.
> 
> Anyway...what's your favorite pie?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really...love Alex Danvers, and apparently you all do too. Thank you for all the lovely comments!

Alex is sitting on her bike outside of Andre’s house, when she sees Peter playing frisbee with someone she doesn’t know in the front yard. Peter was at her second and fifth AA meeting, and something about him really rubbed her the wrong way. He was nice enough to belong in the group, but he had steely eyes, and took off his shoes during discussions, and Alex wasn’t into that at all. 

 

Their meetings usually averaged about ten people from what Alex had gathered. Sometimes more, rarely less. So Alex expected that the barbecue would be just small enough to feel welcoming. As Alex approached the driveway carrying the - still warm - pie, Peter jogged over to open the door for her. “Hey, Alex, didn’t know you’d be here.”

 

“You and me both.” Alex didn’t want to stay and chat, and she was pretty sure that she made that obvious, but Peter went inside with her anyway, and showed her where the desserts were lined up. Alex could see through the back screen door. There was an inground pool, a few tables with umbrellas, a cornhole game going, and Andre was standing near the grill talking to Sam and Catherine. 

 

“Nice bike,” Peter says with a smile. 

 

“Thanks. You ride?” 

 

“I ride an actual bike. DUI, and all.” Peter looks ashamed, and Alex wants to kick herself for actually feeling bad for the guy. “Andre’s out back.” Alex realizes very quickly that Peter is standing really close to her, so instead of timidly giving him the benefit of the doubt, she brushes past him, and heads outside. 

 

“Alex!” Catherine says with a grin. She tiptoes around two people sitting on beach towels, and gives Alex a hug. Outside of Sam, Catherine is definitely Alex’s favorite AA member, and she’s legitimately thrilled to see her. “I’m surprised to see you, what’d you bring?”

 

“An apple pie.” 

 

“You bake?” Catherine and Sam say in unison. Alex should be offended, but instead she just laughs. 

 

“No, Lena bakes,” Alex tells Sam. 

 

“Lena? You’re married and you don’t say nothing? Did you bring her?” Catherine looks to Andre seeking out an ally in her offense. He just smiles and flips a few burgers. 

 

“We’re not married, she’s just my friend,” Alex assures Catherine, who clearly isn’t convinced. “Sweet digs.”

 

“Former lawyer.” Andre jabs his thumb at his chest. “Food should be ready soon, but the snacks have been piling up over there.” Alex glances over at a picnic table, where a girl is eating straight from a chip bowl.  _ Same _ , Alex thinks. 

 

“Cool,” Alex feels awkward with Andre for some reason. Maybe it’s because he’s an older man, maybe it’s because he seems like he actually has his shit together. Sam can tell that Alex is nervous, so she nods her head over toward a picnic table, and they go and sit down. “I saw at least ten of the things you wanted to warn me about. What are the other twenty?”

 

“He has chickens!” Sam tries and fails to hold back her laughter. “He named one Coop, I cannot make this up.” Sam points to a little shed in the backyard, and as Alex inspects it closer, it’s clearly built to house animals. “I’ll let the rest be a mystery.”

 

“I’m good at those.”

 

“Lena helped you bake a pie?” Sam asks.

 

“Yeah. She literally came over at six and did it no questions asked.” Alex leans back, and ponders for a moment. “Maybe I should marry her.”

 

“Your sister would be heartbroken,” Sam says casually, “Oh shit, was I supposed to pretend that I didn’t know that those two are in love.”

 

“Only when we’re standing in front of them. Everywhere else it’s okay to be honest.” Alex wonders if James and Winn know. Winn always seems clueless, but like Vasquez he is always there. He gave up on his little crush ages ago, so surely he can tell that Kara has been moving toward Lena for some time now. As for James, Alex really does feel bad for him. Lucy, then Kara, and then Lena...this guy has the worst luck with women. 

 

Alex does too.

 

Sam excuses herself to go grab some water, Alex says she’ll take one too, and Sam tells her that she’ll be right back. Then, something very unexpected happens. The kid who was perusing the chips earlier, sits down at the table next to Alex, and smiles at her. 

 

“Hi,” The girl says, and Alex seriously has to wonder if there’s someone standing behind her because kids never really spoke to her. Not that she ever had much interaction with them anyway. 

 

“Hi?” Alex looks around. “Are you lost?”

 

“This yard is like an acre tops, it would be kinda hard to get lost.” 

 

“You can get lost anywhere, trust me.” Alex glances at the plate of chips that the girl has. “Also, I know kids aren’t supposed to talk to strangers or something, but are you allowed to give food to strangers?”

 

“Totally.” She slides the plate over to Alex so they can share. “I think. Maybe I should ask my mom.” Sam sits down at the table, handing a cup of water to Alex and the girl. “Mom, is it okay to share food with a stranger?”

 

“If the stranger is Alex, then yes.” Alex has no idea what’s happening. She looks between Sam and - APPARENTLY - Ruby for so long that she can feel a migraine coming on. “You introduced yourself, right?” 

 

“Oh, yeah, I’m Ruby.” Ruby holds out her hand, and Alex shakes it, still unsure of what’s going on here. “Now you’re supposed to say your name.”

 

“Alex.” Alex is embarrassed by getting called out by a kid about basic social interaction, but she also cannot believe that Sam has a daughter that looks like she’s in middle school. “Wait, I’m sorry,  _ this  _ is your daughter? I thought you had like a four year old or something.”

 

“You thought I was four?!” Ruby turns to look at her mom. “What were you showing her, baby pictures or something?”

 

“I didn’t show her any pictures, she just assumed wrong. Like eight years wrong.” Sam rubs Ruby’s head playfully. Sam doesn’t say anything but a little hint of sadness crosses her face. Like she’s already heartbroken over Alex’s opinion of her now. Sam had been a very young mother, she is an alcoholic, and those were two things that probably pushed people away. 

 

“Well, it’s nice to meet you.”

 

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Ruby sticks a chip into Sam’s mouth, and looks between her and Alex. “Do you go to meetings with my mom?”

 

“Sometimes.” There was no way Alex was ever going to get used to people actually talking about meetings outside of them, but Ruby is so nonthreatening that this might just be a start. “She goes like every day, she’s super committed-.”

 

“Alex? You don’t have to convince Ruby that I’m okay, we don’t do that in my house.” Sam turns to Ruby, “I don’t go every day, but I go when I can.” Ruby nods, and turns back to Alex.

 

“So, do you go less because you’ve been sober for a while?” Sam almost lunges forward to tell Ruby to stop asking so many questions, but Alex takes it in stride. 

 

“No, I haven’t ever really been sober for long stints. Well…” Alex laughs a little. “Except when I was a kid.” Alex doesn’t tell Ruby that she started drinking at thirteen. She doesn’t want to scare her, or compare their situations, because obviously she knows nothing about her. But it’s a bit harrowing. Seeing Ruby be young and happy and carefree, and remembering that Alex used to sneak wine into her water bottle, and get drunk in her garage around her age. “Do you go to school around here?” 

 

“Forest Hill. It’s way smaller than my old school, but they have a soccer team, and they said I could still try out,” Ruby says enthusiastically. 

 

“I played soccer in high school, it was a lot of fun,” Alex tells Ruby. 

 

“Food’s ready!” Andre yells as he carries a huge tray of burgers over to the table. Sam, Alex, and Ruby make a mad dash to the table, and end up first in line. Ruby suggests that they sit by the pool, so there they are dangling their feet into the water, shoulder to shoulder wolfing down surprisingly perfect burgers. 

 

Ruby was close to Sam’s heart, Alex could see that immediately. They got each other’s jokes, they poked each other’s sides, and they both break out into a fit of giggles when Barb’s husband - Stanley - does a cannonball into the pool, while Alex tries her best to protect her burger from becoming soggy. After that embarrassingly wrong assumption about Ruby’s age was cleared up and laughed off, Alex finally got the chance to feel more comfortable again. 

 

Then Peter came over, and kneeled down beside Sam, “Hey, I think someone might’ve dented your van.”

 

“Are you kidding?” Sam rises to her feet, and hands Ruby her plate. “I’ll be right back.” As they’re disappearing to the front of the house, Ruby frowns. 

 

“What?”

 

“I don’t trust him.” Alex loves this kid already, she’s brilliant. 

 

“He is sorta a dick.” Alex covers her mouth with the back of her hand. “Oh shit.” Alex groans. “It’s so hard talking to kids. Half my vocabulary is gone.”

 

“Relax,” Ruby giggles. 

 

“Well, if you don’t trust him, and I think he’s a...not great person, let’s just casually go out front and see what’s up.” Alex helps Ruby climb to her feet, and they head to the front yard. Lenny, another regular, is playing frisbee with his sons. Alex looks past them, and sees Peter leaning against Sam’s van, while Sam just kind of stands there awkwardly. “Is this guy a close-talker or what?” Ruby shrugs. “Come on, kid.”

 

They keep walking, and the moment Peter sees Ruby and Alex approaching, he takes a step back. “Everything okay with the ride?” Alex examines the van quickly, and it’s pretty clear that no one dented it. 

 

“Yeah, it must’ve been the angle or something.” Peter smiles, and Alex wants to kick his face through a door because she knows that Sam didn’t just look happy to see them walking over, she looked relieved. “I think I’ll head out, actually. I do some night shifts next week.” 

 

“See you later,” Alex doesn’t care if she sounds rude, she just wants him to leave, so he does. Not without making some annoying comment about not seeing enough of Alex, and telling Sam that it was nice talking to her. 

 

By the time his car is driving down the street, Sam finally looks like herself again. Ruby tells them that she’s going to put on her swimsuit, and get in the pool, so Alex and Sam watch her run off to the bathroom. 

 

Alex enjoys a few Pączki, while Sam takes one of the last pieces of pie. “Catherine’s so good at making these, I should marry her maybe.”

 

“Do you base your entire criteria of compatibility on food?” Sam questions. 

 

“Yes, absolutely.” 

 

“Well, you’d be Catherine’s seventh partner, so I guess there’s gotta be some luck in there.” Sam takes a bite of the pie, and practically moans. “I love Lena.” 

 

Ruby sprints past them without so much as a glance their way, and both Sam and Alex find it incredibly charming. But as they watch her splash around, a very serious look comes over Sam’s face. “Peter was telling me how beautiful I looked today.”

 

“What?”

 

“He cornered me, and grabbed my arm, and said that we should hang out sometime.” Sam shook her head, and let out a very weary sigh. “Normally, I would’ve jammed my keys into his eye socket, but I couldn’t handle Ruby seeing me do something like that.” Sam runs her fingers through her hair, and rests her hip against the counter. “It finally happened. I was too many things all at once, and it caused me to freeze the hell up.” 

 

“It’s easy to think the worst about the world because people like us have seen it.” Alex leans on the counter next to Sam. “But instead, consider the good things. Like your kid who is hella awesome. And the fact that you went for pie instead of whiskey for a change.” Alex looks down at her plate too, Pączki instead of whiskey is a pretty good choice too. “You’re gonna be too many things at once so many times in your life that you’ll lose count. And sometimes you’ll freeze up, sometimes you’ll blind some dude, but most of the time you’ll be thankful because your kid will accidentally come to your rescue.” Alex rests her hand on Sam’s back. “And that’s pretty beautiful too.” When Alex looks over at Sam again, Sam’s crying, so they sit inside for a little while until Sam feels brave enough to go outside again. 

 

* * *

 

Alex gets shot the next day. It’s hilarious, only to Alex apparently judging by the looks that everyone is giving her at the DEO. Kara is the one who flies her there, and when Alex asks how she knew she was hurt, Kara just says, “I hear the heartbeats of the people I love, I know when you’re hurt.” Alex mumbles out something like, “That’s so fucking beautiful,” before she passes out. 

 

It looks much worse than it is, Alex knows that. Vasquez keeps coming in and changing the bandages every hour to the point of Alex asking if Vasquez actually knows what she’s doing. “She was an Army medic.” J’onn informs Alex from where he’s seated in the corner of the room. Alex eyes the magazine that J’onn is reading, and almost isn’t shocked that it’s one of his many sewing subscriptions. Vasquez takes her time changing the bandage, it seems to Alex that she looks more worried than she ever should, so Alex rests her hand on Vasquez’s arm.

 

“Hey, I’m alright.” 

 

“You almost weren’t.” Vasquez shows Alex the blood that stained the last bandage. “What the hell happened?” That was actually the first time someone even asked. They were all so wrapped up in worrying about her that they forgot that there was still a shooter on the loose. 

 

“Stray, I think. Some dude was yelling at this other guy, and just kinda shot in the air.” Alex tries to act out what happened, but everything hurts, so she just gives up. J’onn closes his magazine, and sighs. “Wrong place wrong time.”

 

“We’ll get the guy,” Vasquez promises.

 

“I’m sure Supergirl is-.”

 

“We caught him,” Kara says as soon as she walks through the doors. She sits down on Alex’s bed next to her. “He’s with NCPD. Maggie uh...she punched him, and got the week off.” There she goes again, tiptoeing around Maggie’s name. Alex tries her best not to react, but she does anyway. Maggie will always do this to her, she will always make her feel sad, or angry, or anything really. “She asked if she could see you, and I told her no. But if you want to talk to her-.”

 

“No,” Alex says firmly. “Can I go home now?” 

 

“No.” J’onn is back to reading his magazine, but still very much in charge of the situation. “Supergirl, please work with Winn on verifying Cadmus intelligence, Vasquez you too.” Alex felt like she was about to get in trouble, as Kara and Vasquez were essentially dismissed from the room. But J’onn just continued sitting there in silence. 

 

“Shouldn’t you also be out there? You have the entire DEO to run,” Alex reminded him.

 

“I always expect things like this in the field, but when it’s random, that’s just…” J’onn closes his eyes. “You’re more important than me being out there.”

 

“I’m more important than saving the planet?” Alex joked.

 

“Alex, you’re my family, that is more important to me than anything.” Alex should say something. She should make a joke about him being a big softy. She should roll her eyes, but she can’t. Ever since they found her father and then lost him again, it’s been hard having to relearn what family is. The only constant in the past six years of Alex’s life has been J’onn. He’s been a mentor, a leader, and a father. 

 

He knows that, she knows that, but Alex wonders how far he’ll go to protect her when he finds out the truth. 

 

He probably knows. He can read minds for fuck’s sake. He knows that Alex is a mess, he knows that she shouldn’t be trusted to do anything right, but he’s pretending like everything's okay just so that his new family won’t be ruined. “You are worthy of all this love.” That catches Alex off guard, but this time she does roll her eyes. 

 

“Sap.”

 

“I know, but it’s true. Everyone here would do anything to protect you. You’ve earned that trust, you’ve earned that love.” If only the rest of them knew. If only they saw her puking her guts out some nights. Stumbling into her bed. All that trust would fly out the window. Alex has never really been certain about what she deserves, but she doesn’t deserve this. “I will actually allow you to go home, but only if you promise to rest. You need a week off, and then desk duty for another three before you even think about training again.” Alex pouts, and that gets a laugh out of J’onn.

 

“Fine.”

 

“And you need to have someone come by three times a day. You’re not allowed to be antisocial.” 

 

“Three?! Are you kidding?” Well there was always the possibility of considering Xena as the perfect social companion. 

 

“And no, you can’t count your new cat as one of those three.”

 

“Are you reading my mind?” Alex asks. 

 

“No, I just know you better than you think I do.” J’onn goes to a drawer in the room, and plops down a change of clothes for Alex. “Supergirl can transport you home, and if you need a ride anywhere you can carpool.” Alex was starting to miss Jeremiah, at least he paid more attention to Kara, and Alex could pretty much do whatever she wanted. “How many times have you gotten shot?”

 

“Four.” Five actually, but no way is Alex going to tell J’onn that she’d accidentally shot herself in the leg when she was sixteen. 

 

“We should get you a trophy case for the bullets.” He says with a smile. “That would look great in your apartment.” Alex doesn’t know if it’s a compliment or a dig, but when she gets back to her apartment that evening she goes on Amazon to see if she can find a small enough trophy case.

 

Exactly one hour after Alex has been home, and Kara has cooked -  _ burned  _ \- dinner for her, Alex is watching TV with Xena curled up in her lap, and her hands are hovering over Maggie’s icon again. It isn’t like she’s feeling vulnerable, just...thankful? Thankful that Maggie still cares, and thankful that they ended things the way they did because if Alex needs her, she knows that Maggie wouldn’t hesitate to speed over and watch a stupid movie with her. 

 

Falling out of love is tough, but it’s rational. Still being in love and then ending things is much worse. But instead of making that call, Alex calls Sam instead. 

 

Sam sounds nervous when she answers, but maybe that’s just how she sounds when she’s confused. “Hey, Alex. Everything okay?”

 

“Yeah, totally...I’m just...I was going to go to AA today, but I can’t. Would you maybe...give me a pep talk or something, so I don’t make a mistake.” Alex hears some rustling, and based on the time she assumes that Sam is probably still at work. 

 

“Do you need me to come over?” 

 

“What? No. You’re busy, and you have an actual child to take care of.” Alex feels guilty already. 

 

“If you need me to come over, I’m there. But you were committed enough to actually call me so that I could hold you accountable, so I know you’re committed enough to stay sober on your own.” Alex hears the wind in the background, and she can hear the muffled sounds of Lena talking to someone on speaker phone. Sam must’ve slipped out of Lena’s office, and gone out to the balcony. “How many days has it been?”

 

“Five.” Alex’s voice trembles when she gets the words out, but she doesn’t dwell on it. “You?”

 

“Two hundred and forty eight.” Sam must be walking around. It’s hard to imagine ever really staying still that high up there. Overlooking the city. “I can stay on the phone as long as you need me to.”

 

“Don’t worry about me,” Alex assures Sam. “Thanks for picking up.”

 

“Always.” 

 

Alex is about to get back to watching her movie, and trying not to move too much or risk tearing her stitches, when there’s a knock at her door. It takes about two extra minutes to get there, but when she opens the door and Lois fucking Lane is standing there, she seriously wishes that she didn’t. “This should be good.” Alex turns around and walks back to the couch, where Xena is sitting on the arm rest, and absolutely screaming her lungs out at Lois. 

 

“You’ve got a vicious guard dog, huh?” Lois cracks, as she closes the door, and joins Alex on the couch. 

 

They have a very...strained relationship. Alex remembers learning about alien physiology along with Clark even before Kara arrived on Earth. Her parents helped Clark learn how to be human, which actually helped her a lot when Kara first arrived. Clark and the Kents spent a lot of time with Alex’s family. Thanksgiving, Christmas, pretty much every other holiday too. When Clark started bringing Lois around, Alex became very protective. She used to be terrified of Lois finding out about Clark and Kara, and she really hated the thought of losing her family because an outsider couldn’t handle the truth. 

 

One time during a particularly strained Thanksgiving, Lois followed Alex outside, and confronted her. As it turned out Lois already knew about Clark, and this whole time she thought that she was hiding his secret from the Danvers’ family not the other way around. 

 

Since then they’ve only seen each other a few times. With all the tension gone, they actually found out that they have a few things in common. Like being overprotective sisters, and hating rom-coms. “So…” Alex starts.

 

“Let me just say first that I’m loving this apartment. It’s so sleek, and totally works with your badass look.” This must be worse than she thought. Lois never starts things off with a compliment. Usually, she has this sort of elitist journalist jargon that she falls into that makes everyone in the room feel like they should’ve paid more attention in English class.

 

“Get on with it.”

 

“Lucy’s in London. She’s been working this undercover thing on Cadmus for like eight months, and now she’s pretty sure that they’re onto her, and someone’s going to take her out. She had a drop phone, but then she found it smashed to pieces, and all of her Cadmus contacts have gone cold. She has a shit ton of info on them, but if she contacts the DEO then the entire thing will be compromised, and you know how serious she can be about her stupid job.” Alex doesn’t even know what to say, Lois looks terrified, and she wonders how on Earth Alex became her go to person on this. 

 

Alex hadn’t seen Lucy in two years. She knew that Lucy used to keep in touch a little after she left, but now the fact that they’d gotten nothing but radio silence since then made more sense. 

 

“What about Clark?”

 

“Cadmus has eyes on Clark and Kara.” Lois leans forward, and rests her elbows on her legs. “Lucy didn’t want me to say anything to anyone because she’s so damn stubborn. I don’t know what to do. Please tell me you know what to do.” Alex does know what to do. Logically, J’onn should be her first call. He’d put together an extraction team, and get Winn and Vasquez to pinpoint Lucy’s location through CCTV. 

 

But there were obvious problems with that plan. Namely, that Lucy will probably kill them on sight, and that Alex won’t be a part of that team. Lucy’s a perfectionist, and when she does her job, she does it right, so both Lois and Alex knew that there was only one real choice that Lucy would accept. “How did she communicate with you?” 

 

“She went to an internet cafe, and sent a coded email to me.” Lois digs her phone out of her pocket, and shows it to Alex. 

 

“Smart girl.” Alex whispers to herself. “She’s giving Cadmus another round of fake intel in six days. They won’t make a move until then just in case they think she’s flipped on them, and has people watching her place.”

 

“What are you gonna do?”

 

“Go to London,” Alex says resolutely. Alex is already scheduling a flight for the next day on her phone. “Lucy will be fine. And she’ll be so pissed that she has to play damsel in distress.” 

 

“Are you sure?” Lois clearly doesn’t get how much Alex truly understands her. Alex knows what family means, and she’s not about to let Lois down. She’s done enough letting people down to last a lifetime. 

 

“I’m sure.” There’s another knock at the door, and Alex groans. Does no one understand the point of bedrest? Alex is about to get up when she hears a key turning in the lock. So she relaxes because it’s probably Kara checking in on her again. 

 

It’s not Kara. It’s Lena and Sam. They’re wearing business casual, so it’s safe to say that they have just come from work. Lena arches a brow when she sees Lois there, but the only comment that bursts out of her mouth is, “You fucking got shot?” Sam’s look of sheer shock tells Alex that Lena didn’t say anything about it when she found out. She probably just sprinted out of her office, and Sam tagged along because Alex is certain that Lena would’ve been nothing less than frantic. 

 

“You got shot?” Lois asks, as Lena rushes over and kneels down beside Alex. Sam still looks stunned, but after a moment of not knowing what to do, she walks over to the couch. “Why the fuck didn’t you say anything?”

 

“Yeah, what she said,” Lena adds. She begins lifting up Alex’s shirt, and examining the bandage with a frown. 

 

“I’m a doctor, Lena, I got it.” Alex yanks down her clothes, and grabs onto Xena for protection. “It wasn’t that bad.”

 

“Alex, are you sure?” Sam looks so sincere it actually catches Lena off guard. It’s easy to forget that Lena only thinks that they’ve interacted twice, when they’ve seen each other quite a few times over the last two weeks. Alex feels very small under Sam’s gaze. Their hands brush against each other’s like Sam wants to touch Alex just enough to tell her that she’ll be okay. 

 

“Yeah.” Lena hears the hint of fear in Alex’s voice, and if Lois wasn’t there she would’ve jumped on it, and made some comment about why Alex and Sam couldn’t stop looking at each other. 

 

“I’m calling Kara,” Lois pinches Alex’s ear like she’s her older sister, and Alex goes a little pink at being treated like a kid. Lois doesn’t care, and she starts dialing Kara’s number anyway. 

 

“Kara knows already, dumbass.” Lois holds her middle finger up in Alex’s direction, while she retreats to the other room to probably spend ten minutes screaming about how Kara needs to come and yell at Alex. 

 

“Why is Lois here?” Lena and Lois have history too. It’s distinctly more strained and tragic. Now they only speak over email if it’s work related. Lena never speaks about it, but sometimes Alex wonders out loud why Alex never met Lena when they were younger, and Lena reminds her that Lillian basically held her hostage at home. 

 

“Because she wanted to meet my cat.” Alex holds up Xena who quickly starts clawing at Alex’s face, so she releases her. “Why did you drag Sam here? She should be at home with Ruby.”

 

“Why do you know Ruby’s name?”

 

“I asked?” Alex glances over at Sam, who looks more amused than worried. “Look, sorry I caused a big uproar, I got shot, shit happens.” Sam sits down on the couch beside Alex, and studies her face for a second. 

 

“You should’ve called or something. You don’t have to do this alone.” If Sam kept talking Lena was literally going to burst. It was killing her not to ask a million questions, Alex could tell, but she just brushed off her dress, and stood giving Alex that look that means “I’m in charge of this situation now”, and whipped out her phone. 

 

Alex slumped lower on the couch. She seriously hated being taken care of, especially when she needed to be focusing on planning Lucy’s escape in London. Sam’s hand on hers pulls her out of her downward spiral, and when their eyes connect Alex thinks:  _ oh shit _ . 

 

Oh shit because Sam isn’t just beautiful, she’s compassionate. Oh shit because Sam really was willing to come over here just if it meant seeing if she was okay. Oh shit because Alex didn’t actually think she could really be attracted to anyone after Maggie. Oh shit because she is. 

 

She really is. 

 

And even though Alex knows that she shouldn’t be, and absolutely nothing will come of it, she promised herself after she met Maggie that she wouldn’t spend the rest of her life hiding. That didn’t mean she had to act on this, it didn’t mean that she ever would, but she could never allow herself to repress things like this because that could quickly lead to shame. 

 

So she decided that looking at Sam rather than ducking her head all the time would be a good start. “Were you scared?” Sam asks seriously.

 

“No.”

 

“Why not?” 

 

“Because I’m too stubborn to be scared.” 

 

“No, you’re not.” Sam sounds sure. “Is the FBI gonna crumble now that their best agent is indisposed? Should I go hide in my bunker?”

 

“Not just yet.” Alex knows that Sam’s hand is still touching hers. And all that warmth is returning, so Alex does something she knows she’s not supposed to. She intertwines their fingers. 

 

Sam doesn’t seem to notice or mind. “Lena drove over here,” Sam says, her voice is soft, and close like she’s telling Alex some kind of huge secret. 

 

“She drives?”

 

“Never.” 

 

“I really didn’t mean to make this into a whole thing. My job is dangerous, things like this will always happen.” Sam rubs her thumb against the back of Alex’s hand. 

 

“And what makes you think that your friends wouldn’t rush over to check on you? Lena driving pretty much told me everything I need to know about you.” This time Sam does really seem to know a big secret, so Alex leans closer to her, so Sam can tell her, “You’re the kind of person people need in their lives. You make them happy, and loyalty isn’t one sided.”

 

“You’ve thought a lot about this, huh?”

 

“Lena drove!” Sam props her head up on the back of the couch. “That thing with Peter…”

 

“Did he say something else? Did he do something-?”

 

“No.” Sam squeezes her hand just enough to allow Alex to breathe again. “I just...I felt very alone in Metropolis. I didn’t have very many friends, and usually people would only go out of their way if it meant I gave them something in return.” Sam’s eyes fall at the thought. “But I really don’t feel like you’re the type of person that has to trade favors with your friends, and that really just caught me off guard. You were there for me when you had no reason to be.”

 

“Well, he is kinda a dick.” Alex is deflecting, as per usual. 

 

“True, but...you’re not. So, don’t go getting shot, and not calling your friends to come take care of you, okay?”

 

“If you insist.” That makes Sam smile, and when Lois returns to the room, she informs them that Kara is on her way. Fifteen minutes after that, Kara, Winn, James, and J’onn are barging through the door carrying food and blankets. Vasquez shows up thirty minutes later with a med kit, and as she’s changing Alex’s bandage in the kitchen, Sam tells everyone that she should get going. 

 

Somehow Sam’s hand finds its way to Alex’s shoulder, and after about thirty seconds of a stalemate, Sam leans forward, and kisses Alex on the cheek like it’s something she always does. “I’m really happy you’re okay.” Sam’s gone rather suddenly, and Vasquez just wiggles her eyebrows at Alex with a smirk. 

 

When Alex looks back over at everyone watching the movie, it turns out that they’re actually watching her now. Kara nearly throws Winn off the couch as she tries to get him to turn back around, but it’s way too late for Alex not to notice. 

 

Lois sneaks her way over to Alex a few moments later. They have an entire conversation with their eyes, and when Alex finally turns her attention back to Vasquez, the shorter woman just quirks out, “I assume you need me to hack something,” like this is the kind of thing they do every day. Which it kinda is.

 

Alex is thankful, and loved, and is very determined to get Lucy back home safely. When Alex returns to the couch Kara wraps her entire body around her, while J’onn sits there holding her hand. 

 

Alex wonders what on Earth she did to deserve being this lucky, and she does something she hasn’t done in twenty five years. She prays. Not to anyone specific, just to whatever is keeping her sane. She prays that her life can stay like this, she prays that this will be the last time that she gets shot, and she prays that people like Sam - wonderful, beautiful, caring Sam - can be as safe and happy as she feels right now too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so here's the thing...updates will probably not come this fast. Also this will probably be a 7-10 chapter fic, so I'll update whenever I already have the next two chapters written, so expect a little more delay in the future. 
> 
> Up next: Lucy Lane, because I love her.
> 
> p.s. What movie do you think Alex is watching?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, you guys are incredible! 
> 
> Secondly...Lucy Lane is my hero.

The last time Alex was in London she got alcohol poisoning. It was a special training op, and when the three grueling training weeks were over, Alex and a bunch of new recruits got shitfaced. Alex took it too far, which was her trademark, and ended up in the hospital the next day. Eliza didn’t know, but Kara did because she answered the phone when the doctor called, and ended up flying over to get her.

 

This time, Alex hoped that things would go better. She might’ve only gotten like a sixteenth of the time she needed to recover from her injury, but at least she’d built up enough connections over the years to actually get a gun and motorcycle upon arrival. 

 

Alex went straight from the airport to a shitty little warehouse district further east. It’d taken Vasquez approximately thirteen minutes to find Lucy, and ten more to set up a secure communication network. Lucy was annoyingly pissed off, but Alex assured her that she was just as annoyed about having to go save her ass, so they were resigned to get the fuck over it. 

 

Alex made her way down a narrow hallway, up a shitty elevator, and to apartment 646. She didn’t have to knock, Lucy was pulling her inside before she could even raise her hand. After some shuffling, and more locked doors, Lucy finally stopped for half a second, and stared at Alex. “Wow, were you always this hot?” Alex laughs, and without wasting time on trading jokes, Alex lunges forward and hugs her. 

 

Finally. 

 

No one was surprised that Kara was a mess when Lucy left. They were friends, they went to dinners and sang karaoke, and cried over cute puppies at shelters together. But no one really expected Alex to be devastated, so she pretended like everything was fine. But they had spent time together. Alex helped train Lucy for the DEO. They spent hours sparring, and in that time they learned everything about each other. 

 

Alex told her about all those moments when she felt like she wasn’t enough. Lucy told Alex that she had panic attacks, and one time when Lucy actually had one, Alex hid her away so the other agents wouldn’t question her stability. 

 

Lucy’s hair was a little longer now. Tied up in a high ponytail, she looked almost like she was going to go for a run or do yoga, not like she was on the hit list of one of the most violent terror organizations in the world. “Shut up,” Alex says, but she blushes anyway as they pull back from the hug. “So...what dumb thing did you do to blow your cover?”

 

“Found the real names of their sleeper agents. Enough names to seriously fuck them.” Lucy walks further into the apartment, and unzips a backpack. Alex looks around. The place is dark, window shades drawn, barely enough furniture to live comfortably. The place is so not Lucy, and that makes Alex feel sad. 

 

Months undercover probably meant feeling lonely all the time. Alex wonders if Lucy knew anything about what had been going on with them. If she even knew that James and Kara never went on more than one date. If she knew that Cat was working for the president. Or that Alex was literally almost married to Maggie. So much has happened that Alex wants to blurt out, but seeing how tense Lucy’s shoulders keeps Alex focused on their mission. “We’re taking the Eurostar to Amsterdam, picking up fake IDs, going to Paris, and then flying home.”

 

“That many stops?” Lucy questions. 

 

“We need to get those names to a DEO base in Amsterdam, and Vasquez set up our ID exchange so that we can hopefully keep Cadmus guessing.” Alex helps Lucy pack up her bag. “Let’s go.”

 

“Wait.” Lucy slings her backpack over her shoulder. “Did you get shot or something?”

 

“How’d you know?”

 

“I could feel your bandages.” Lucy frowns. “You came all the way here to save my ass still?”

 

“Of course.” 

 

When they make it to Alex’s bike, Lucy tries to bully her into letting her drive. Alex tells her that just because she was the Director of the DEO, that didn’t make Lucy her boss. “What happened to that gig, anyway? Too much pressure?” Lucy slides onto the motorcycle behind Alex. 

 

“Yeah,” Lucy mumbles. Alex can ask more questions later, but for now she just drives. Through unfamiliar streets, with a familiar person holding onto her. This was so different than Sam, Alex thinks. When Alex goes too fast, Lucy digs her thumb against her side, aggravating Alex’s injury on purpose. Lucy isn’t quiet either. She screams directions into Alex’s ear, making them take an extra fifteen minutes through side streets, and bullshit corridors, until they finally make it to the station. 

 

Alex ditches her bike, and tells Lucy to hurry inside, and catch the train no matter what. Lucy complies after about thirty seconds of hesitation. Alex busies herself with attaching Lucy’s phone to the underside of a taxi, so Cadmus will be screwed if they’re tracking it. Alex also checks her civilian phone which really isn’t all that risky since Vasquez put in all these protections because she “is in Alex’s contacts, and she’s not going to fall victim if someone tries to take Alex and everyone she knows out to pasture”. 

 

Alex has seven texts. Three are from Lena, explaining that she had officially postponed game night, and she’ll be receiving an e-ticket and e-vite in her email over the next few days. Alex wants to respond and tell her that the fact that they need security clearance to get into her apartment building is insane on its own, she’s not about to print out a PDF document too, but she sends back a thumbs up instead. 

 

One is from Kara, but it’s so long that it might as well be thirty texts. Alex gets about halfway through it, but stops when she realizes that Kara is just typing out everything she would’ve said in an entire day at the DEO. And most of it is just about how Winn and Kara are planning some pranks for J’onn, and that if they get fired, they’re both moving into Alex’s apartment. 

 

One’s from Lois that just reads: D or A? It takes Alex two minutes to realize that Lois is asking if Lucy is dead or alive, but she’s using code, or what she thinks is code, and Alex is very thankful that Lois decided on being a journalist rather than an agent. Alex sends back “A”, and jogs inside to hop on the train with Lucy. “I thought you’d miss it,” Lucy says with a sigh of relief. They find seats at the back of the car, and sit down. 

 

“Not a chance.” Alex looks at her phone again. The last two texts are from Sam, and Lucy is sitting so close to Alex that she has to kind of tilt her phone to read them. 

 

[SAM]: Lena says that you’re not allowed to drive right now, so I’m taking you to game night btw

 

[SAM]: Get over your fear of minivans, and I might let you choose what music we listen to

 

[ALEX]: You’ll regret that later

 

Lucy crosses her arms over her chest, and nudges Alex in the side. “Jesus Christ, would you stop doing that? It hurts.” Lucy just laughs at her, and Alex knows that they haven’t missed a beat. The thing about Lucy that’s so different from Lena, Vasquez, James, and certainly Winn, is that Lucy doesn’t know how to hide her intentions. She feels a certain way, and she lets herself feel it. She isn’t invincible, she isn’t fearless, she’s just so uncontrollable that she demands attention. 

 

She broke free of her father’s shadow because she made it so. No matter how much Lois tried to put Lucy back in her place, she moved worlds to find a name on her own. 

 

So how the hell Lucy wasn’t still the director of the DEO’s desert base was an anomaly. “What happened?” Lucy knows what Alex is talking about, she just doesn’t want to talk about it. She pulls her hair band out, and lets her hair fall down to her shoulders, and then busies herself with putting her hair up in a bun again. “Luce?”

 

“I was standing still. I thought I had everything I wanted, but then I realized that when you reach that point your life just kind of...plateaus.” Lucy holds her backpack against her chest, in which eight months of hard work lies. “I wasn’t ready to plateau. Going undercover meant I could keep reinventing myself and peeling off the things I didn’t want until I finally learned to be me.”

 

“Poetic.”

 

“Pathetic,” Lucy corrects. “I had a family in National City. I shouldn’t have let it go.” She glances over at Alex, and grins. “So who were you all sneaky texting?” That was just like Lucy, going from one extreme to another. 

 

“I wasn’t.”

 

“Please.”

 

“You already read so much into everything. She’s just a friend.” Alex tucks her phone into her jacket pocket, and looks around the train. Everyone’s so quiet, and distant, right now Lucy and Alex might as well be the only two people in the world. 

 

“Why?”

 

“Why what?”

 

“Why just a friend?” Lucy likes pushing people like this. The lawyer in her comes out when she wants to get her way, and Alex hates it. She’ll trap herself no matter what she tells her. 

 

“Because asking  more of people turns good things into the worst things.” It’s not much of an answer, but it keeps Lucy off her back. Even though they should be paranoid, and tracking every person who so much as moves an inch on the train, Lucy plugs her earphones into Alex’s phone, and they both lull into silence listening to Alex’s long drive playlist. 

 

Alex realizes with a jolt about half an hour later, that Lucy didn’t say anything about Alex being gay. Lucy just smirks at her, half genuinely amused. “Don’t freak out, Alex, I kinda figured it out before we left.”

 

“I wish someone told me.”

 

“What’s the fun in that?” Lucy falls asleep a few minutes after that. Being under constant threat is exhausting, and Alex is more than willing to play watch dog for a while. 

Everything goes smoothly in Amsterdam. They take a train for a while trying to fuck up their trail just enough to confuse even the best of trackers, and as they’re switching cars for the seventh time, Lucy kinda nudges Alex’s shoulder with her own. “Actually, I kinda had a thing for you back then.”

 

“Me?”

 

“Don’t look so surprised.” Lucy has finally had enough of running around, so they take a seat near the back of the train. “We trained together. You look good sweaty, and I like brainy girls, so what?”

 

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

 

“Oh please, you were so far in the closet that I was afraid I’d kill you if I did anything about it.” Lucy was right about that. Alex could still feel the sinking feeling of coming out for the first time. If Lucy had done anything she would’ve freaked out, and she’d probably be the one going undercover overseas. “It was a stupid crush, and I’m over it so don’t get any ideas.”

 

“I won’t.” 

 

In Paris Lucy has a panic attack in the airport bathroom. Alex completely forgets what she’s supposed to do, but her muscle memory tells her to pull Lucy out of the open, and into one of those family restrooms. 

 

Lucy slides down to the floor, and Alex takes a deep breath and just starts talking. “Kara found this kitten outside of her apartment, and gave it to me. Her name is Xena. She’s so perfect. Sometimes we just watch movies, or I’ll build a blanket fort and she climbs around with me. I never really saw myself as a cat person, but she does this thing where she’ll stand on the back of the couch and scream at people when they show up at my place. It’s hilarious. I think she’s like super protective of her space or some shit, and honestly? Same. She’s me in cat form, but I don’t think Alex Jr. is a good enough name.” Lucy seems to be calming down, so Alex keeps going. “I know we’re not supposed to, but Kara took me flying a few weeks ago. It was way out in the woods, and something about that made me feel like a kid again. She’ll probably take you if you ask her, and then rub it in Lois’ face because Clark is too boring to let her do any of that.” Lucy laughs, finally able to breathe clear again. 

 

Alex doesn’t rush it, she doesn’t rush her, they just sit on that gross bathroom floor for a few more minutes before Lucy climbs back up to her feet. “Kara’s been giving you rambling lessons?” 

 

“My whole life is one big rambling lesson when it comes to Kara.” 

 

Now it’s Lucy’s turn to lunge at Alex, and wrap her arms around her. “Thank you,” Lucy squeezes tighter, and Alex hugs her back as tight as she can. 

 

When they get on the plane Lucy tosses a pack of  _ Twizzlers  _ onto Alex’s lap. She gets halfway through the candy before she trails off into the soundest sleep she’s had in awhile. 

 

When they arrive in National City, Lucy is the one shaking her awake, and going on and on about how they’ll need to come up with a lie about what happened otherwise Kara will be mad at her for letting Alex go to London alone. Alex tells Lucy that she won’t lie, and she means it, but instead of complaining Lucy starts sprinting through baggage claim. Alex’s eyes follow her until Lucy practically jumps into Lois’ arms. Lois looks over Lucy’s shoulder and through the crowd, spotting Alex, and mouthing “Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

 

Lucy makes such a big deal about how difficult it’ll be to rent out an apartment, that Alex can’t stand her complaining anymore, so she calls Kara exactly one day after their return from London and invites her over. Alex meets Kara at the elevator, and Kara immediately looks confused. “Alex! You’re not supposed to be running around.”

 

“I’m not running,” Alex holds onto both Kara’s wrists to keep her in place, as if that will actually stop her.

 

“What’s wrong? Is it Xena?!” 

 

“Kara!” Alex wishes that she had Kryptonite inhibitors in her apartment because that would at least stop Kara from floating them down the hallway. “I just...okay, when you go inside my apartment, don’t scream. Don’t break anything, just be cool.” 

 

“Omg, do you have a girl in there?” Kara superspeeds past Alex, and bursts into her apartment. Alex is a bit slow catching up, but she can hear Kara screaming “Lucy!” and she’s pretty sure that Kara has just broken a chair. Alex walks into the room to find Kara hugging Lucy about three feet up in the air. 

 

“Let her down,” Alex deadpans, and it takes Kara five minutes before she can finally calm down enough to do so. 

 

“I can’t believe you’re here. How are you here? I mean why? Not that I’m complaining. Because I’m happy. Totally happy. Thrilled-.”

 

“Kara,” Alex warns her before she launches into another flustered sentence. 

 

“Long story short? Alex flew to London yesterday, and saved my ass.” Lucy glanced over at Alex, who was now moving on to making coffee. “Don’t be mad at her.”

 

“Alex!”

 

“You’d be more pissed if she was dead,” Alex assured her. “And as much as I would love to listen to you two catch up, Lucy needs an apartment, and you watch HGTV nonstop, so I think you two should go somewhere. Anywhere.” Alex motions toward the door. “Not here.”

 

“You’re tired of me already?”

 

“Yes.” Alex grins. Kara grabs Lucy, and starts vibrating with excitement. “Bye.” Kara and Lucy run off, and Alex just knows that somehow Kara will convince Lucy to live in the building next to her or something ridiculous. 

 

Today had been a long day for Alex. Jetlag was killing her, but so was her conversation with Lucy last night. Lucy was back, for good supposedly, but Lucy was terrified of not fitting in. Alex assured her that things had changed, but that only meant they she might fit in even better now. Alex wasn’t so sure, but Lucy said that she was happy to be back anyway. 

 

Lucy asked Alex about Maggie too. And after Alex went into this whole drawn out thing about how much Maggie meant to her, about how well they worked, Lucy just said, “You’re allowed to discover new things about yourself, and if the person you’re with isn’t ready for you to grow, then you need to leave them behind.” It felt harsh, and Alex’s mouth felt all bitter, but Lucy was right. Somewhere in that sentence was a real truth about her and Maggie. One assumption killed their relationship, and it wasn’t Alex’s assumption that Maggie wanted kids. It was Alex believing that she had plateaued with Maggie, and that she would stop wanting more in her life. 

 

Alex was pulled from her thoughts when her phone started buzzing. She picked it up without checking the caller, and was pleasantly surprised to hear Sam’s voice on the other end. “I’m outside your apartment.”  

 

“Huh? What?” 

 

“Look out your window.” Alex padded across the floor, and peered down at the street. Sam waves up at her, and Alex jogs over to buzz her in. A few minutes later, Alex is swinging open the door, to let Sam in. “Hey.”

 

“Hi.”

 

Sam sets her purse down on the table, and wraps her arms around Alex’s waist. Alex practically melts into the hug, captivated by the simplicity of warmth in the wake of Kara and Lucy’s high energy. “I have a gift for you.” Sam unzips her purse, and pulls out a book. “Don’t laugh.” Alex can already see the title  _ Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions _ . 

 

Alex does laugh, and so does Sam. 

 

“It’s just for you in case you need some reminders.” Sam sets the book down on the counter. “AA is seriously not the same without you. So instead of running off to London to save someone named Lucy, you should probably rest up so you can come back.” Alex’s face falls. How the hell did Sam know that? “I got invited to the group chat last week. And Kara texted us as soon as she found out.” 

 

“Why is there a group chat without me in it?” 

 

“So they can talk about your love life, mostly, from what I can gather. And  now to set up a daily ‘Check-in on Alex list’. My day is tomorrow because of game night, so J’onn felt like it would be the most practical thing-.”

 

J’onn talks about my love life?” Alex wanted to pull out her hair, but Vasquez would probably hack into her alarm and start waking her up at four in the morning if she did that. Instead Alex slid into one of her barstool chairs near her island. Sam took the seat next to her, their knees bumping against each other as Sam settled. 

 

“Well he mostly just sends all the female agents to talk to you throughout the week, and Vasquez gives a rating on whether or not you’re compatible. Someone named Rosalie is in the lead.” Sam obviously thought this was hilarious, or at the very least informative. Alex thought it was just embarrassing. Alex had been wondering why so many agents were asking her basic questions lately, but now it all makes sense. “Kara can’t tell if it’s a good or bad sign that all those one night stands you were having ended abruptly, but Winn is happy that you’ve finally been more yourself lately.” Hearing all this from Sam was crazy, and she certainly wished that everyone just told her instead of talking about it through text. 

 

But Alex has been known to bite a few heads off, so she understands. 

 

“I don’t even remember half of those one night stands.” Alex admits. 

 

“I slept with a lot of people during my years of being a total mess.” Alex definitely notices that Sam says  _ people  _ and not just men, but she doesn’t comment. “I know you’re probably annoyed about the group chat, but they love you, and I’ll let you know if any good prospects come up.” 

 

“Thanks, you’re a real one.” Sam lightly punches Alex’s arm, and she groans in response. “I should probably rest a little. Kara will be all up in arms if I don’t join them tonight to celebrate Lucy’s triumphant return.” Sam hangs onto the word  _ celebrate _ , and Alex shakes her head. “I hear the place we’re going has wicked good milkshakes. You should come, Ruby too.”

 

“Um...soccer. Ruby has a game.” 

 

“She made the team? That’s awesome!”

  
“It’s been crazy scheduling all the carpool and babysitter stuff, but she’s enjoying it so far. She asked if you could come to a game, actually.” Sam looks like such a proud mom, that the word endearing pops into Alex’s mind. 

 

“Oh, yeah? Of course I will.” 

 

“You don’t have to. You barely know us, and-.” There she goes, hiding herself away. Alex just smiles enough to get Sam to stop pre-making excuses. “What?”

 

“I don’t make offers if I don’t mean it. Text me her schedule, and I’ll be there,” Sam looks positively radiant as the words come out of Alex’s mouth. 

 

“Yes, Agent Danvers,” Sam gives her a little salute before sliding off the chair, grabbing her purse, and - suddenly - freezing. Alex can see Sam’s entire face change, her entire demeanor. She looks like she wants to say something or  _ do  _ something, but before Alex can get around to asking, Sam leans forward and kisses her on the cheek. This is the second time she’s done it, and this time she lingers for little longer. 

 

Maybe Alex is imagining that it’s longer, she’s not exactly sure.

 

Alex wants to pull her closer. To kiss her, to say that she wants her. To say that she can’t handle spending another night alone. Alex genuinely doesn’t know if this is desperation, or lust, or casual interest, and it’s driving her crazy. 

 

Even if Sam is completely put off by having something more with Alex, there is no way that she doesn’t feel the room heat up every time they touch. There is no way that Sam doesn’t catch Alex looking at her in all those AA meetings. Hanging onto her every word, gazing at her neck every time she throws her head back in a fit of laughter. 

 

Alex wants to tell Lena to cancel game night, because Alex doesn’t think she can handle being that close to Sam ever. All this over a stupid kiss on the cheek, and Alex can sense her utter decent into pure  _ you’re-so-fucked-land _ . 

 

“My minivan has bluetooth, so bring your best DJ game or I’ll tell everyone at AA that you like show tunes.” Alex does like show tunes, but she doesn’t tell Sam that as the taller woman backtracks toward the door. She gives Alex one last wave before she leaves. 

 

Alex presses her hand to her cheek, and doesn’t even get annoyed that Xena nibbles at her hair for the rest of the day. Alex just lounges, and eat cereal, and allows butterflies to jump around in her stomach because this really is what a crush feels like. 

 

* * *

 

 

Lucy has a gift at figuring out the food that people like. She orders a spinach and feta cheese pizza for Lena before they even have a chance to have a full conversation, and Lena sits there with her mouth open for a moment before saying, “Well, okay then. I like her.” Kara’s face scrunches up in what Alex can only assume is a passing feeling of jealousy, but Lena throws her arm over Kara’s shoulder a moment later, and Kara completely gets lost in Lena’s arms as usual. 

 

J’onn and Winn show up late because things have been moving just a little bit slower now that Alex is on the sideline, and that makes Alex feel needed, and she’s pretty sure J’onn knows that because he keeps eyeballing Alex’s side and saying things like “It doesn’t look so bad” or “maybe we could give you a com when you’re at home, and you could help from there”. Kara shushes J’onn each time, warning him that she’ll ban him from all game nights and “family” dinners for a month if he even thinks about letting Alex work before she’s ready. 

 

“But I was going to make lasagna next weekend,” J’onn says, and Alex is pretty sure that she can make out a pout on his face. 

 

“I retract my statement.” Kara isn’t one to resist extra gooey goodness, not even for Alex’s sake. 

 

“Take your time coming back,” J’onn says, and Alex knows he means it. “You too Lucy.”

 

“You’re coming back?” Everyone turns to see Vasquez standing there holding a fucking  _ Edible Arrangement _ , and before Alex’s brain can even catch up, Lucy jumps out of her seat, and practically tackling Vasquez to the ground. From the looks on everyone’s faces, Alex isn’t the only one who’s confused, but she’s resigned to letting it go because Lucy and Vasquez both seem pretty happy about the whole ordeal. 

 

The fact that Lucy loves Edible Arrangements should probably tip Alex off that Vasquez and Lucy were a lot closer than she ever knew, but apparently Kara knows this information too (?) so Alex doesn’t quite jump to conclusions yet. 

 

Winn is the one to break the tension as he berates Lucy about her adventures. Lucy tells some very not so tame stories about her time in Paris, and one particularly gruesome tale about her time in Buenos Aires. It’s ridiculously fun, and Alex is absolutely certain that this journey that she’s on won’t stop here. She has a lot of things to do and learn, and she knows that the people sitting at this table will be by her side every step of the way. 

 

Alex is prepared to say something tonight. Because James is treating everyone to drinks in celebration of Lucy’s return home, and Alex never turns down drinks and absolutely everyone at the table knows that. So instead of backing herself into a corner, she’ll be honest for a change. Rip the bandaid off, and see what happens next. But Lucy stops her by simply suggesting, “This place has awesome milkshakes from what I can remember, so I’m gonna get one.” Kara’s next to join in on the excitement, and pretty soon everyone agrees to get a different flavor so they can all try each others. 

 

Kara determines that the double fudge raspberry brownie is the best one. But Alex is on team cookies and cream with James, Vasquez, and Lucy. 

 

When Alex goes outside to meet Lena’s driver, while Lena pays the bill, Alex catches Lucy and Vasquez kissing. Lucy has Vasquez pressed up against the side of the pub, hands holding Vasquez’s face like she never wants to let her go. Lucy pulls back, while Vasquez manages not to have a nervous breakdown. Winn accidentally bumps into Alex, and when he notices the state that Lucy and Vasquez are in, he just laughs, and yells, “Oh you’re gonna love the paperwork HR is gonna throw at you!” Winn mozzies on to the valet so he can get his car. 

 

Vasquez excuses herself with a hurried little  _ bye _ , before Lucy paces her way over to stand next to Alex. “We had a thing way back when.”

 

“Seems sorta like a  _ thing  _ now.” Alex tells her. 

 

“Sure hope so.” Lucy loops their arms together, and pulls Alex closer to her side. “So I uh...saw the 12 steps book.” Alex goes pale because she knows that Lucy and Kara came back to Alex’s apartment, and if Kara has gone this long without saying anything then Kara is actually pissed. “I hid it before Kara saw, don’t worry.” Alex let out a breath, and Lucy laughs. “Okay, but in all seriousness, I’m really proud of you, and if you need me to drive you to meetings every day I will because you’ve literally saved my life like a million times.” Alex nods, because she knows that Lucy genuinely means it. 

 

“Enough about me, please go chase after Vasquez.” Lucy is sprinting down the street a moment later, and screaming over her shoulder, “I love you, Alexandra!” All Alex can do is roll her eyes, and smile when Lena walks up behind her as their driver arrives. 

 

“Can I call you Alexandra?”

 

“No.” Alex warns. 

 

By the time Alex arrives home it’s way past her bedtime. She takes off her clothes, flops down next to Xena who screams in her ear for a few minutes, and almost falls asleep when she realizes that the her pillow is at least eight times less comfortable than it usually is. She slides her hand under the pillow, and pulls out the book that Sam gave her earlier. 

 

Alex pulls off the sticky note that’s stuck to the back of the book, and reads:  _ One step at a time, Alex. Don't rush this, you deserve to take the time to take care of yourself. - Love Luce _

 

Alex sticks the note on her nightstand, and starts reading, she starts to believe that Lucy is right. She should be doing this, she should be taking the time to take care of herself. As she moves on to reading step two, her phone buzzes, and she checks the text. 

 

[SAM]: Can I call you? 

 

[ALEX]: Of  course

 

Alex worries her lip for a few moments, and picks up on the first ring. “Everything okay?” Alex asks right away, already queuing up directions on her phone in case she has to get over to that side of town. 

 

“Everything’s fine,” Sam assures Alex. “Seriously, I just…” Sam must be in bed, because Alex can hear sheets moving around, and the crickets chirping in the night. Alex misses those noises. The sounds of nature are rare in the city, but sometimes Alex will drive far out into the middle of nowhere just to be reminded of home. “I wanted to hear your voice.” It sounds insanely intimate, too intimate for where they are in their friendship. “I know I can tell Ruby anything, Lena too, but they just don’t...they’ll never understand these things like you will.”

 

“What’s going on?”

 

“I have a meeting tomorrow. A big one. Lena’s trusting me with it, and wow...I am so not ready for something like this.” 

 

“She wouldn’t give this project to you, if you weren’t ready.” Alex knows Lena, and Lena takes business very seriously. She would never half-ass anything, and that’s why she hired Sam. Because Sam is a softer presence, with all the same determination and brilliance as Lena. 

 

“Have you ever felt like you just couldn’t find the strength to do something? I mean I’ve prepared for this, a million times over, but it’s standing right in front of me, and I can’t grab it.”

 

“On my first solo mission as an agent, my sharpshooter got killed. No one blamed me, there was nothing I could do to avoid that outcome, but I still trembled every time I had to make a choice.” Alex still remembered failing her gun qualifications because she was folding under pressure. “But then my boss had me lead the next mission. In my line of work, there isn’t time to waste when missions come up. So, I chose to be brave.” 

 

“I don’t think a finance meeting is as serious as saving the world.”

 

“It is when it comes to L-Corp.” Sam scoffs, but Alex knows that she believes her. “Am I helping? I hope I am.”

 

“You are. God, Alex, what is it about you?” Sam sounds hushed, like she meant to keep that to herself but forgot. “Shit, do you see the time?” Alex pulls her phone back and checks, 2:31 AM. “I should probably go…”

 

“Oh, right, it’s late.” 

 

“Will you stay? On the phone, I mean. You don’t have to say anything, I just...it’s nice when someone’s there.”   
  


“Yeah, I’ll stay.” So Alex did stay. Sam fell asleep first, but Alex couldn’t bring herself to hang up. She liked listening to Sam, and she started imagining that Sam was right here. Laying in her arms. 

 

It felt real. It felt right. 

 

Alex’s heart was in so much trouble. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, thank you all for reading. Up next we have Sam and Alex spending more time together...
> 
> If you could be an international spy, where would you want to be shipped to?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what? I'm updating again. Didn't mean for this to keep developing so fast, but whoops (?)

All morning Lena texts her about game night. She’s insanely nervous, but so annoying, so Alex ignores J’onn’s rules, and takes her bike over to L-Corp. Alex swings by Noonan's, and picks up far too much food, and shows up right when Lena should be taking her usual lunch. Alex waits in the lobby, because Jess tells her that Lena’s on a call, but she’ll be done soon. 

 

Alex paces a little bit, while she waits. She can feel Jess’ eyes tracking her, so she feels inclined to actually say something. “I got shot on Monday.” Jess’ eyes go wide. 

 

“Cool.”

 

“Yeah,” Alex falls into her old habit of whistling a little. When Lena’s door still remains closed, she peers over her shoulder at Jess again. “You ever been shot?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“That’s cooler.” Jess looks like she’s going to burst, but heels hitting the floor, cause both Alex and Jess to turn their head. 

 

“Alex, stop flirting with my assistant,” Lena says as she walks by, and grabs the food out of Alex’s arms. 

 

“I wasn’t!” Alex trails after Lena toward her office. “Not that it would be bad if I was. Because you’re totally cute, I just...I don’t even know you. But I’m sure you’re great-.”

 

“Stop rambling, Alex,” Lena yells from her office, and Alex decides to just cut her losses and run inside. Once Alex gets a chance to breathe, and wipe the awkwardness off her psyche, she helps Lena make room for them to eat. “I didn’t know you were coming by.”

 

“You’ve been texting me nonstop all day, I figured I’d save your thumbs the trouble.” Alex starts eating, while Lena stacks a few papers on her desk, and follows suit. “It’s just game night, Jesus Christ.”

 

“But it’s Kara’s thing. I don’t want to mess it up.” Alex thinks she’s being punished. She must be. How does Lena - one of the smartest people on the planet - not realize that she’s in love with Kara? 

 

“You won’t.” Alex looks around the office, noting that things seem particularly quiet at L-Corp today. “Where is everybody?”

 

“I let them out early. Sam kicked ass at her meeting, and I thought everyone deserved to breathe a little easier,” Lena explains. “You should’ve seen her. Nothing was getting past her, she practically had these investors begging to give us money. You’d have thought it was hot.” Lena half-sings that last part.

 

“What makes you say that?” 

 

“Oh no reason.” Lena winks dramatically, and Alex is determined not to show any signs of caring. “I should call her in here, so you can congratulate her.” 

 

“That’s seriously not-.” Lena is already marching over to her phone, and dialing Sam’s extension. 

 

“Hi, L, what’s up?” 

 

“Alex is here, she wants to say hi.” 

 

“Be there in a sec.” Lena clicks off the phone, and makes her way back to the couches where Alex is glaring at her. 

 

“What? I’m being genuine.” Like fuck she was, but Alex composed herself when Lena’s door opened. She stood and got ready to give Sam a warm smile, and tell her good job, but then Alex saw what Sam was wearing. 

 

A tight white sheath dress, exposing her collarbone and (of fucking course) strong arms, with a black autumn jacket thrown over her shoulders. Thank god Alex is standing so close to the couch, because if she didn’t have something supporting her she would pass out for sure. “Holy shit.” Alex convinces herself that she didn’t say that out loud, but then Lena looks up from her food, and smirks. 

 

“What was that, Alex?”

 

“Nothing.” Alex approaches Sam slowly, tentatively. Last night was coming back to her in waves, and even though it was just a conversation, Alex felt like she was seeing Sam after a one night stand or something. Sam tucks her hair back behind her ear, and looks at Alex so bashfully, that Alex tries to take control of the situation. “I hear congratulations are in order?”

 

“Just doing my job,” Sam brushes it off, but Lena gives her an encouraging smile. 

 

“There’s enough food for you, Sam, if you’d like to join us.” Lena offers. 

 

“Yeah? I’ll just take a little of this.” Sam reaches for Lena’s plate, and grabs the fork out of her best friend’s hand. 

 

“I would’ve brought more, but I assumed you’d be in meetings all day,” Alex tells Sam honestly. “But I guess you made quick work of those finance guys, huh?” Lena scrunches up her face. 

 

“Why do you know about that?” Alex freezes up, realizing that she’s just been caught. There was no excuse that she could relay that would make any sense. 

 

“I called her. Last night, we talked about the whole thing, she…” Sam’s eyes tentatively meet Alex’s. “Alex is great at calming people down.” Oh God. Lena’s face is so fucking smug that Alex has to practically bury herself in her lunch to avoid her neck from turning a fiery red. 

 

“Thanks,” Alex doesn’t do sheepish, but right now she does. Her mind travels back in time, right to the intimacy of the night before. Sam was as vulnerable as she’s ever been in Alex’s presence. “You gave Sam the rest of the day off, right?”

 

“Yes, Alex, I’m not a monster.” Lena rolls her eyes. “Hey, since Ruby is still in school, and you both don’t have lives outside of work, why don’t you guys go do something?”

 

“I do so have a life!” 

 

“I don’t,” Sam mumbles. “There’s a really great art museum over on 4th. I hear they have a pop-up show, if you’re interested.” Sam looks hopefully to Alex, and even though it’s more than obvious that they’re being set up, Alex has a weakness for art. 

 

And for Sam. 

 

“I’m in.” Alex slurps up one last noodle, as Sam hands Lena back her plate. The decide to meet there in about thirty minutes because Sam still has to finish up some last minute emails. Sam says that she wishes she wore pants so she can ride on Alex’s bike, and Lena all but screams at Alex about how she’s not supposed to be riding her bike anyway. Alex ignores her, like she always does when she can tell the difference between overprotective and genuinely worried. 

 

When Sam finally retreats back to her office, Lena grabs Alex’s arm and pulls her out on the balcony. Lena paces for a while, before she finally turns, and faces Alex. “Are you two sleeping together?”

 

“What? No.”

 

“Well you’re doing something. I felt like I was in a sauna in there. You two are so….” Lena motions inarticulately with her hands. “You can tell me. You do know that.”

 

“I know.” Alex entertains the thought of telling Lena everything. She wouldn’t judge, she would be so supportive that it would hurt, but...Alex liked this. Sharing a part of her life with Sam that no one else knew about. It made 2 AM conversations make sense. It gave them freedom that no one could touch. Even if it was just as friends, it was something that Alex enjoyed, so she was going to keep things the way they were for as long as she could. “Seriously, it’s not a big deal.”

 

“Right.”

 

“You’re the one who’s forcing us to go to a museum together.”

 

“ _ Forcing  _ is a bit strong, don’t you think? Considering you were checking her out so much, I thought I’d give you something else to look at.” Lena jostled Alex’s hair playfully. “Be careful, though. She has baggage like the rest of us.” 

 

_ I know _ , Alex thinks, but she doesn’t say it out loud. Instead, she jostles Lena’s hair back, before making her way downstairs to her bike. The drive over there is quick, and sensing that she has a few minutes to spare, Alex takes her time walking around the gift shop. 

 

She notices a few art books that J’onn might be interested in, and takes photos of them on her phone so she won’t forget. She’s about to text Sam, and let her know that she’s inside, but then she feels someone tap on her shoulder. Alex turns so quickly that she nearly knocks over a mini replica of  _ The Thinker _ , but she manages to stabilize it with her hand. 

 

“Easy there, Danvers.” 

 

It’s Maggie. Of course it’s Maggie. Alex was so close, so ready to move on, and make better choices in her life. And now, she was going to fall again. She could practically taste the whiskey. She could feel the hangover, as Maggie’s eyes stared back at her. “Maggie…”

 

They shouldn’t be doing this. They should just walk away from each other and not have this conversation. “Wow, Alex, your hair. It looks great.” Maggie slips her hand into her pocket, and leans a little to her right. That means that Maggie is uncomfortable. She does the same thing when she’s facing criminals or trying to read people. Her casualness throws people off, and that’s how she always gets them. Alex used to find it endearing, now it makes her feel like she doesn’t know Maggie at all. “You look great-.”

 

“Please don’t do this.” Alex is ashamed of the way her voice sounds. The hesitation, the bitter taste of fear falls out without her wanting it to. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Maggie means that. “I was checking in on this case. An alien art thief if you can believe it. Imagine that.” Maggie blows out a breath. “I saw you, and I thought about walking away.” 

 

“You should’ve.” Alex doesn’t want to sound harsh. She doesn’t want animosity, but she cannot be talking to the woman who broke her heart. The wounds were still fresh, she’s not ready to even look at Maggie. 

 

“I know.” Maggie takes a step closer. “I miss you. I know I shouldn’t say that. But my bed isn’t right without you-.”

 

“Fuck you.” Alex looks away from Maggie. “I need you to not do this, okay? I need you to understand that I’ve been working my ass off to get over you.” 

 

“Alex?” Sam is there. A few feet away, but from the looks of it she’s heard more than she’ll let on. Maggie looks confused, but Sam stands her ground. “Should we check this thing out?” Sam is showing her fire again. Alex gravitates toward her, until Maggie is disappearing behind them, as they move toward the main exhibits. “You okay?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Sam surprises her by holding onto her hand, but it takes a full five minutes for Alex to start breathing again. “That was your ex, right?”

 

“Unfortunately, yeah.” Alex looks at their hands, and wonders how long she can let this go on. Sam is comforting her because she knows how tough this must be, but Alex can’t handle the comfort of Sam this close to her. This is killing her. “I didn’t want things to be like that. But I still needed more time.” 

 

“If she knows you, she’ll understand that.” Sam assures her as they enter into a contemporary art section of the museum. 

 

“Let’s just forget about her, and look at some art.” Alex nods over toward a huge canvas. It takes up an entire wall, with vibrant reds, oranges, and yellows splattered across one side, and dull black and grays looking rigid and trapped on the other side of the canvas. Alex stares up at it, and after awhile Sam lets out a laugh. “What?”

 

“Contemporary isn’t my scene.” 

 

“So you’re pretentious?” Alex jokes. Sam releases her hand, and motions at the canvas.

 

“I just don’t get it.” Sam shrugs. “But I’ll watch you walk around and find meaning in all this stuff if it makes you happy.”

 

“Don’t act like you’re doing me any favors.” Alex walks behind Sam, and rests her hands on her shoulders, moving her closer to the canvas. Alex ignores the way Sam’s shoulders seem to relax under her hands, and tries to focus on getting Sam to see what she sees. “Come on, take a look.” 

 

“I am looking.”

 

“Barely.” Alex chuckles. “Tell me what you see.”

 

“Uh...a bunch of random colors.” Sam glances over her shoulder at Alex. 

 

“Tell me what you feel.” That catches Sam’s attention. Alex can feel the way Sam’s shoulders start to tense more, the way she seems to be resisting looking ahead even more now. “Come on. Humor me.”

 

“I feel you, Alex.” Alex’s hands fall to her sides at those words. Sam tucks a few stray strands of hair behind her ear. “When Lena said that you were a museum buff, I was surprised. You don’t really seem like the kind of person who likes to speculate.”

 

“Speculating relaxes me.” It’s true, but what Alex doesn’t tell Sam is that when Kara first arrived on Earth, she and Alex went to different museums almost every week. Kara liked learning Earth’s history through color, and Alex liked broadening her horizons through Kara’s outlook on life. It connected them, it made them each feel whole in their own way. 

 

Now standing here behind Sam, Alex felt very different about museums. For starters it was odd standing next to Sam, who's beauty rivaled everything else in any given room. But beyond that, Alex had come to the harrowing realization that she and Maggie never went to museums. Maggie didn’t like them, and Alex often felt like molding herself into what Maggie wanted, not what Alex needed. There were parts of her that she hid, like the drinking, like her love of museums, and right now she was sharing those parts with Sam. 

 

“Well, what do you see there?” Sam asks cocking her head to the side with a laugh. “Or were you just playing games with me.”

 

“I only play games on game night.” Alex returns her gaze to the canvas. “I see pain. But it’s hiding over there.” She points to the gray side of the canvas. “Over there, that’s rage. Unfiltered, untamed. They’re existing in the same space, but one is dominating. One is what everyone is drawn to, but it’s not the reality of the situation." 

 

“Wow.”

 

“I saw the artist’s lecture a few months ago. I just remembered what they said.” Sam softly punches Alex’s shoulder, and Alex can’t help, but laugh. Sam doesn’t even let them continue to look in the contemporary art gallery. Instead, she forces Alex into 17th century European hell for an entire hour. 

 

Alex doesn’t mind, and she learns that Sam used to take Ruby to museums a lot when she was younger. But then Ruby liked sports and the outdoors way more than she anticipated, so Sam had to give up her dreams of having an art curator daughter. Alex assures Sam that if she ever wants to check out more museums in the area, then she’ll be up for it. 

 

When Alex checks her watch, she realizes that they’ve spent three hours walking around. “When do you need to pick up Ruby from practice?” 

 

“In about an hour.” Sam looks at her phone. “I should probably get going.” 

 

“I can take my bike over to Lena’s if that’s easier for you.”

 

“No way, I was promised good music, and I’ll get it.” Sam says as she throws her purse over her shoulder. 

 

“Hey, Sam?” Alex stalls as they’re about to head in opposite directions. 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“You look really beautiful today. Not just the dress...it’s just…” Sam’s waiting. She’s wondering too. “Lena is right to trust you with big things like some big wig finance meeting. Because you’re in your element here. I know you don’t need me to tell you that, but this is obviously the perfect place for you.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Alex didn’t realize until now that she really wanted to hear those words. But it was true, after everything that happened with her father and now Maggie, Alex couldn’t handle watching another person she cared about walk away from her. “I’ll pick you up at six, okay?”

 

“I’ll be ready.”

 

* * *

 

 

When Sam texts her later that evening she isn’t ready. She’d fallen asleep after their museum trip, and then forgot to set an alarm, and now she was tugging on pants, and sloshing mouthwash around in her mouth, as she hopped to the door. Alex spits the mouthwash in the sink, pulls on her leather jacket, and hopes to any higher power that her hair doesn’t look a mess. When she jogs out of her apartment building, she sees Sam sitting in the driver’s seat of her minivan, dressed much more casual - but still beautiful - and pulling up directions on her phone. 

 

Alex stares for a moment, because the past few days have been filled to the brim with Sam, and it’s nice to have someone to hang out with. It’s nice to make new friends who actually get your baggage, and don’t judge you for it. 

 

Sam catches her staring, and rolls down the window with a smile. “Door’s unlocked.” Alex slides into the minivan, and the moment her butt hits the seat, Sam’s gasps. 

 

“What? Shit, what is it?”

 

Sam starts laughing. Full head back joyful laughing. “I thought you might explode when you sat down.” Alex laughs too, shaking her head as she does. “Well, let’s get on with it, Agent Danvers. The bluetooth is  _ Supergirl Rules _ .” Alex’s eyes go wide as she scrolls through her phone to start connecting her phone to the van’s system. “Ruby’s obsessed. She always talks about how Supergirl is such an icon, and Superman is so boring.” 

 

“He is kinda boring.” Alex says as she presses play on the first song. Sam shuts off the music about half a second into “Hold On” by Alabama Shakes. 

 

“Why are you saying that like you know Superman?”

 

“‘Cause I do. I know Supergirl too.”

 

“I won’t forget that,” Sam says before turning the music back on, and starting to drive to Lena’s. “This is about as bluesy as I thought you’d be.” 

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“It means I can totally imagine you listening to this as you drive your bike out in the country.” Sam smiles at the thought. “I’m not disappointed.” Alex’s music goes from bluesy to folk to rock in the twenty minutes it takes for them to get to Lena’s. Alex actually finds that she likes the minivan because it’s a smooth ride, and Sam made an awesome choice by getting heated seats too. 

 

When they finally get through two security checks at the parking garage, Alex sighs, and says, “When will people stop trying to kill Lena? Sometimes I just wanna see my friend without having to go through airport level security.” 

 

“Seriously.” Sam mutters as they get stopped by another round of security on the first floor. By the time they actually get in the elevator it’s nearing seven, and Alex is about ready to punch a wall because she knows that Lena will make some obnoxious comment about tardiness when they arrive. 

 

As the doors open at the penthouse level, Alex and Sam are met with a very serious looking Winn. “Alex, we’re playing Monopoly, and I’m proposing a new alliance.”

 

“Wow, Winn. Relax, please, you’ll scare Sam off.” Alex brushes by Winn and Sam follows with a laugh. “Also my loyalties are to Lena Luthor, as always.” 

 

“I’ll join your alliance.” Sam volunteers, and Alex all but rolls her eyes as Winn clues Sam in on his strategy. Alex could care less, mainly because she and Lena were obviously still going to win, and because she was very hungry, and ready to eat some bougie food that Lena was bound to have. 

 

The moment Alex steps into the room, she knows she’s right. Lena has the fireplace going, couch pillows fluffed, and she has fucking catered game night with Kara’s favorite restaurant  _ Linn’s _ . Alex wants to laugh, but she is genuinely happy that someone loves Kara as much as Lena does, even if they’re both too stupid to realize how much right now. 

 

“Finally, you guys made it!” Lena exclaims from the couch. She’s seated in between James and Kara, while Lucy and Vasquez fill their plates with food. 

 

“Where’s J’onn?” Alex asks, noting that he isn’t even here to see that she’s actually following the rules for a change. 

 

“He has a date.” Lucy informs Alex.

 

“It’s not a date, he’s just meeting up with M’gann.” Kara is so fucking clueless it’s embarrassing sometimes. 

 

“Meeting up? Right.” Lucy approaches, and holds out her hand. “I’m Lucy by the way. You must be Sam.” 

 

“Guilty.” Sam shakes Lucy’s hand. “You must’ve had one hell of a week.”

 

“It’s not everyday that a knight in shining armor saves my ass, but I’m lucky Alex cared enough to take the risk.” Lucy nods at the food. “You’d better eat something before Kara realizes that we lied about needing her to count all the money  for the game.” 

 

“You don’t have to ask me twice.” Alex walks over, and nudges Vasquez with her hip playfully. She isn’t certain about what’s going on with Vasquez and Lucy, but Vasquez certainly looks happy, and much more comfortable this game night. 

 

“Hey, anyone want me to make them a drink?” It’s a genuine offer from James, but Sam and Alex find themselves awkwardly glancing at each other for a moment. 

 

“I’m in AA, so I’m good.” Sam casually brushes it off, and everyone barely even has a reaction, except Winn who perks up. 

 

“That’s super cool.” Alex isn’t sure that AA is super cool, but Sam is super cool for putting herself out there. Based on Lena’s reaction, she already knew that information, and Lucy is definitely connecting the dots, so Alex and Sam quickly return to getting food.. 

 

“Alex, your hair looks a mess.” Vasquez pokes Alex’s side.

 

“It adds a bit of character, I think.” Sam runs her fingers through Alex’s hair to tame some of the more wild strands. It’s insanely intimate and warm, and Lucy definitely notices. The last thing Alex needs is for Lucy to zero in on their relationship - or lack of - because she has a thing about annoying people to death. Alex quickly returns to fixing herself a plate, and decides very suddenly that she can’t keep letting Sam get her this flustered. Especially not in front of her friends. 

 

When they sit down, Kara immediately starts explaining the rules as if everyone hasn’t played this game a million times. Alex resorts to joining Lucy in a “see how far you can flick popcorn across the room” game, and she’s honestly just starting to get into her groove, when Lucy decides that she hasn’t said something inappropriate in ten minutes, so now is a good time to start. “Alex, why are you so bad with your hands? Shouldn’t that be something you’re good at?”

 

“Shut it.” Alex whiffs on her next attempt, which only makes Lucy more embolden. 

 

“Back when we use to train together, Alex was really good with her hands.” Vasquez smirks, because she’s either so confident in her relationship with Lucy, or she has some idea what Lucy’s trying to do right now. “Just sayin’.”

 

“Did you two used to date or something?” Sam asks, and nearly everyone jumps into the conversation all at once. 

 

“You better not have!” Kara screams. 

 

“No way,” James assures Sam. 

 

“We did have a bet going in the office though, everyone was pretty sure something was going on,” Vasquez added. 

 

“Seriously? And you didn’t tell me?” Lucy questions, who looks a bit sheepish. “How much money are we talking?”

 

“Give or take 1200.” Vasquez shrugs like it’s nothing. 

 

“You should’ve told me that. Shit, for 1200 bucks we could’ve had all types of fun.” Alex sinks lower into her seat, while Lucy kicks her shin. “Don’t be a grump, Danvers.”

 

“I’m not.” Alex starts helping Kara set up, so that she can avoid the looks that Sam kept throwing her way. She really didn’t know how to deal with this level of awkwardness, and even though everyone - except Lena - was used to Lucy’s antics, Sam looked very confused by them. 

 

Alex and Lena had their usual scheme going during the actual Monopoly game. But Sam is so sly that one time while Alex is trying to slip Lena a fifty, she steals it, and adds it to her hand. Alex should be furious, but she’s impressed, and even more concerned when Sam and Winn start outplaying everyone else. Alex learns pretty quickly to never underestimate Sam, because she absolutely destroys her, and causes her to lose much earlier than she ever has before. 

 

“Wow, Alex, you just got owned.” Kara grins, and Alex throws a pillow at her face. 

 

Lena declares her apartment hostility free, but then Winn somehow manages to back her into a corner, and she tells him that she will literally kill him with one finger. “I know how, Alex taught me.” Winn gulps, but tries to hold his ground even though Lena has a glare that could break even the strongest of people. Sam tells him to stay strong, and somehow he maneuvers his way into surviving another go around. 

 

Alex is starting to get bored, but she knows that boredom often leads to recklessness, and the bottles in Lena’s liquor cabinet have been catching her eye all night. Luckily, Vasquez gets knocked out next, and she’s adventurous enough to invite Alex to hang out with her out on Lena’s wrap around balcony. 

 

Everything starts off fairly casually, they test out all the lounge chairs to see which one is the most comfortable. They discuss J’onn’s developing romance with M’gann, and both promise to stay out of it because they love him too much to ruin his fun. But then Alex dives into no man’s land, and she hopes that Vasquez is ready to join her, “Why didn’t you say anything about Lucy?”

 

“Because it was supposed to just be a friends with benefits sort of thing. Obviously, I caught feelings, and I figured that really wasn’t what Lucy wanted.” 

 

“You thought she was running away from you.” It dawns on Alex how obvious this had been. Lucy didn’t give a shit about tech stuff, but then suddenly she was asking Vasquez to show her how certain protocols worked. She asked Alex to train every other week instead of every week because she’d found a new training partner. “How can you just pick things back up like that? It’s been such a long time.”

 

“Feelings don’t die.” Vasquez shrugs. “You know that.”

 

“Sometimes I wish they did.”

 

“Would that help you give yourself permission to see Sam differently?” Alex could go back inside and punch Lucy. “And no, Lucy didn’t say anything, it’s just...you’ve been wearing your heart on your sleeve lately. You’ve got it bad.”

 

“I can’t.” Alex has been saying that over and over in her hand like a mantra. Because she genuinely can’t. “Also stay out of my business.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

“Hey, can I trade with one of you guys? My brain hurts, and Lucy is scaring me.”

 

“Yeah, she does that.” Vasquez stands. “I got it.” Sam takes Vasquez’s seat, and smiles over at Alex as she lets out an exhausted sigh. Alex nods because she feels the same way. Lately things have been kind of intense, and a game night with Lucy “the most competitive person in the world” Lane was not helping. 

 

“Lucy’s intense.” Sam says like she’s been milling over the right thing to say for hours. Back inside, it did kind of seem like Sam and Lucy didn’t like each other very much, but maybe Alex was just reading into things too much. As Lucy would say “I’m an acquired taste”, and she was right because Alex hated her when they first met. It takes time to peel back the layers and to find out that Lucy joking about having a “thing” with Alex, only meant that she was slipping back into their banter. Alex was certain that Sam wouldn’t have minded if Lucy and Alex had history, why would she? But Sam was someone that really enjoyed the comforts of honesty. And Alex had been very honest with her, so Alex assumes that Sam doesn’t like the thought of a new person coming in, and telling her that she doesn’t really know all that much about Alex.. 

 

“Ruby’s at a sleepover tonight.” It feels random for her to tell Alex something like that, so she turns toward Sam, and waits for her to continue. “Lena told me I could sleep over here, but she has a shit ton of liquor, and I’ve been feeling very vulnerable lately.”

 

“Why vulnerable?”

 

“November is coming up, which means Thanksgiving. It reminds me of my mom, and that makes me feel like a child.” Sam plays with the hem of her shirt. “Did you clean out your apartment?”

 

“Alcohol free zone.”

 

“Can I stay with you tonight?” It occurs to Alex that Sam still feels lonely. A new city can do that to you, and she’s more than happy to be the one to be there for Sam. “You can say no.”

 

“Why would I?” Alex tries to appear calm for Sam’s sake, because she really can’t handle Sam thinking that she’s a burden. Because she’s a gift. Alex also decides once and for all to just shut her brain down for a second, because Sam was a friend asking for a safe place to stay, and Alex couldn’t think of this as more than that. “Though be warned, Xena sheds like crazy, so you will be a furball by the time you leave.”

 

“I don’t mind.” Sam opens and closes her mouth a few times before she speaks again. “I lied to you.” Alex doesn’t expect that, and the surprise must show on her face. 

 

“About what?”

 

“Lena did talk about you.” Sam pushes her hair back out of her face, and Alex can’t believe that it’s taken her this long to realize that Sam only does that when she’s nervous. J’onn would be ashamed of her intuitive skills. “A lot actually. She really was intimidated by you for so long, and then you just...became a really peaceful force in her life. You know Lena, so you know how she describes people. Three things they are, three things they aren’t. But with you she always seemed to hesitate, like she couldn’t exactly pinpoint those things about you.”

 

“Why are you telling me this now?”

 

“Because I can’t figure out why all those people love you so much, but they don’t seem know you at all.” Sam’s eyes get caught up in Alex’s gaze for a long moment before she continues. “Yet, I know you.”

 

“Do you really think that?”

 

“That scares you?” 

 

“A little.” But it doesn’t really. It actually brings back that warm feeling in Alex’s stomach. It makes her feel good that Sam thinks about her. It makes her feel happy that they sometimes find themselves alone talking about the big and small things that shape them. 

 

When mistakes don’t start feeling like mountains, you know you’ve done something right. And as she and Sam say goodbye to everyone that night, Alex feels like somehow she’s gotten a clean slate. Lucy is back, Vasquez is the friend that she always should’ve been, Kara and James lift Winn up in the air and proclaim him king of game night. Lena tells them to be safe driving home, and she packs up a bunch of food to keep Alex happy for an entire week. 

 

This isn’t just friendship, it’s love. 

 

She isn’t just comfortable, she’s happy. 

 

So instead of rushing to bed, and making a huge deal about sleeping on the couch, Alex invites Sam to join her for a night cap. “Hot chocolate.” She says with a grin. They pile whipped cream, and chocolate chips, and marshmallows on top of their drinks. Alex thinks it's rather clear that they both had pretty disruptive childhoods, and that’s why they can’t seem to have a normal dessert if their last trip to get ice cream was any indication.

 

“I saw two people.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“On the canvas.” Sam sticks a spoonful of whipped cream into her mouth. “It seemed more like two people to me. I know the artist said they were creating rage, but I saw love. Two very different people existing in some kind of harmony and sharing the same space. I can’t think of anything more like love than that.” 

 

They accidentally fall asleep watching a movie. Alex is cuddled up against Sam’s back, one arm flung over Sam’s stomach, and the other propped against Sam's side. Alex wakes up when she feels Xena nibbling on her hair, and she can feel Sam stir a little too. Alex is about to remind Sam that the bed is all hers for the night, but Sam just pulls Alex closer, and says, “Don’t leave.”

 

So they fall asleep again, tangled up in each other's arms. And Alex is absolutely certain now, that she’s falling in love with Sam. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so a few notes. 1) I changed the number of chapters to 8, but it's definitely still going to be longer than that 2) Sam Arias is super cool 3) Coffee is cool so if you wanna buy me a cup, that would make you super cool: http://ko-fi.com/team_science_mega_nerds 4) No pressure on number 3, seriously
> 
> Up next is...kinda an intense chapter, so be prepared for that, but don't worry things will be okay!
> 
> If you were to be forced to choose Supergirl alliances on game night, who would you choose, and why?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This chapter is longer than I anticipated
> 
> 2\. Sam's POV is first, and then Alex's (finally, I know)
> 
> 3\. Trigger warnings for mentions of suicide and violence (I am genuinely sorry about not giving trigger warnings, I really really value you all as readers and I'm doing my best to make sure that I give enough warnings)

It’s a particularly cold Saturday night that Sam gets a call on her phone. She’d spent the past two hours trying to get to sleep, but even under six blankets, she was still freezing. Ruby had the space heater, and she was about to go sleep in Ruby’s room when the call interrupted her. When she saw the time on her blinking phone, she thought about not answering from an unknown number.

But Sam occasionally got late calls from international numbers, and most of that had to do with L-Corp so she had to answer all of them now. Sam slid her phone under her ear. “Hello?”

“I know it’s late.” That voice sounds oddly familiar, but Sam can’t quite place it. “But I talk to Andre’s neighbor earlier, and he says he hasn’t seen him in a few days. I don’t want to make a big fuss, but I got your number from the snack sign up sheet, and Alex is a cop, yes? I’d feel much better if someone checked on him.”

“Catherine?” Sam sits up in her bed, and flips on the lamp. “Where are you?”

“Outside his house.” Catherine chuckles nervously. “You must think I’m crazy.”

  
Sam surprises herself when she realizes that she actually didn’t think Catherine was crazy. Bold, maybe, but not crazy. Andre had missed the last three nights of AA, and as their unofficial official leader, that never happened. People like them were bound to think the worst about just about anything, so of course Sam threw on a sweatshirt, joggers, and grabbed her keys.

Sam steps into Ruby’s room, and taps her sleeping daughter on the shoulder. “Huh?” Ruby wipes her eyes, and squints at Sam. “Why are you dressed? It’s like…” Ruby grabs her phone from under the pillow and checks the time. “Three in the morning.”

“Someone called from AA, they’re worried about a friend.” Sam kisses Ruby’s forehead. “I’m just gonna drive over there really quickly to make sure everyone’s okay.”

“God mom, you’re such a mom.” Ruby rolls out of bed, and pulls on a jacket. “I’m coming with you.” Sam doesn’t have enough time or energy to protest, so the Arias women slug their way out to the van, and get in. As Alex backs up the car, she connects her phone to the bluetooth, and calls Alex.

Sam is a little shocked that Alex picks up after one ring, but then she remembers that Alex sometimes has insanely late shifts, and often stays up through the night. “Danvers.”

“Hey, Alex, it’s Sam-.”

“And Ruby!” Sam would kill for Ruby’s energy, but it makes sense that Ruby would be excited. She likes adventures no matter how boring they might be.

“Hey, everything okay?”

“Kinda. Sort of? Maybe, I don’t know.” Ruby eyes Sam suspiciously, seeming to catch onto Sam’s worry quickly. “Catherine called me. She’s worried about Andre.”

“He has missed a few meetings.” Sam can hear shuffling, and keys on the other end. “Are you driving there? Where’s Cat?” Sam starts to make a comment about how Alex is suddenly calling Catherine Cat, but she bites her tongue, and tries to remain as focused as she can.

“She’s waiting there for us.”

“Don’t go in. You lucked out, I just finished up an op on your side of town.” It felt odd thinking of Forest Hill as hers, but it was nice finally feeling comfortable enough to call it home. “We caught this menacing little fucker-.” Ruby’s jaw hung open at Alex’s words, and she seriously couldn’t look more excited.

“Alex...there’s a child present,” Sam chastises.

“I’m not a child.” Ruby pouts, and crosses her arms over her chest, slumping down in her seat for added effect.

“Right, sorry Ruby,” Alex was probably more embarrassed than sorry, and that made Sam smile a little.

“Every time an adult swears, I get to, so we should hang out.” Ruby leans over toward Sam. “Alex has a serious potty mouth, you should’ve heard her at the barbecue.” Oh, Sam knows. She really knows, because over the past few weeks, she and Alex have been spending more and more time together. And it must be an FBI thing or something because when Alex was around Vasquez a bit more fire came sputtering out. And if Lucy was there too? Sam had to sit back and listen because their banter was so gritty, that Sam wasn’t even sure if she knew how to get involved.

“Ruby’s been saving up on those swears for awhile now, I’m a little worried about her next soccer game.” Ruby lights up like Sam has just given her a brilliant idea, and Sam really really just wants to go back to bed, so she can be a functional adult again. Sam can hear an engine start, and it almost calms her down knowing that Alex is on her way. Almost. “How far are you?”

“Ten minutes. You?”

“Five,” Sam replies.

“Then I’ll make it five too.” Sam really should say something about how speeding is bad, and dangerous, especially because Ruby has been heckling her about letting her drive in the mall parking lot for ages. But she doesn’t, because if there’s one thing she knows about Alex Danvers, it’s that she’ll be there no matter what.

Sam makes it in seven minutes. Ruby teases her about how she drives like a grandma, but Sam doesn’t reply because she sees Alex talking to Catherine beside Catherine’s car. Sam pulls up behind them, and turns to Ruby. “Stay here.”

“What? But mom…” Ruby is good at getting her way, but she’s not that good. Sam hands Ruby the keys, and opens the door. “Any problems hit the alarm, okay?”

“You’re so dramatic.” Ruby rolls down the window, and pokes her head out. “Hi, Alex!” Alex waves over at Ruby, but Sam is caught off guard by Alex’s sleek new uniform. The all black with leather accents makes Alex look like a superhero, and suddenly Sam understands Ruby’s enthusiasm. How on Earth was that FBI wear?

“Stay.” Sam warns Ruby one last time, not missing her daughter’s grumble of “I’m not a dog.” Sam stares at Ruby until she gets the hint to roll up the window, and lock the door. As Sam approaches Alex and Catherine a chill runs down her spine. It’s partially because it’s cold, but it’s also because Catherine looks as serious as she’s ever seen her. “Did you knock?”

“About a hundred times.” Catherine sighs. “Alex says she’ll go inside.”

“That sounds vaguely illegal,” Sam looks over at Alex. “We can call the cops. For all you know he could be sleeping soundly in there.”

“Nobody sleeps for a week. And he’s always there for milestones, he missed by three year on Wednesday.” Catherine pats Alex’s back, and motions for her to go to the house. “Please.”

“Okay.” Alex rests her hand on her firearm, and approaches the house. Sam can’t handle this side of Alex. Going in to crazy situations blind, without a care in the world. Sam should’ve known how much it bothered her when she found out that Alex had literally brushed off getting shot, or in the way that she went on an insane mission to save Lucy on her own a day after getting shot. It wasn’t so much annoying as it was worrying, and Sam couldn’t wrap her mind around that kind of bravery.

Sam jogs after Alex, and watches as she slides her hand under a hollow brick near the door. She pulls a key out a second later. “How...how did you know that was there?”

“People are predictable,” Alex said with a shrug. “I would normally make you stay outside, but you’re a much softer presence than someone wielding a gun, so I need you with me.” Alex grabs Sam’s hand, and places it on her left shoulder. “Hold onto me, and don’t let go.” Sam grabs Alex’s shoulder tight, and watches as Alex unlocks the door.

This should make Sam feel terrified, but with Alex slowly stepping through the house, gun scanning the living room with practiced ease, Sam has never felt safer. “Andre, are you here?” Alex yells as they move onto the kitchen. “It’s Alex and Sam from AA!” Nothing.

Silence is incredibly overwhelming. All Sam can do is hold on, and hope that Alex is quick enough with her gun in case something really is wrong. Sam doesn’t know if she wants to find Andre here or not. He could be on a vacation in Mexico for all they know, but she’s thankful that at least she’s apart of an AA group that will actually start looking if she suddenly doesn’t show up for a few meetings.

“You still okay?” Sam nods her head. “Sam? Breathe.” She takes a breath, and is almost disturbed by how much Alex seems to be in-tune with her fears right now. Tonight the kitchen looks bigger, but that’s probably because the counters aren’t filled with treats. “We’re gonna go upstairs now, okay?” They turn around a corner, and start walking up the stairs. The moment Alex’s feet hit the top step, Sam hears a strange squishing sound, and she realizes that the entire carpet is wet. “Fuck.” Alex stops suddenly about two steps later, and because Sam is finally breathing again, she understands why.

The smell hits her so hard, that she nearly topples over. Alex’s hand goes to grab Sam's, and Alex quickly turns to face her. “Go back to your car.” Alex sounds resolute, and that makes things feel much worse. Alex holsters her gun, and grabs Sam’s shoulders. “Sam, I need you to go back to your car.” Alex sounds softer this time, but the urgency is much worse. “When you get outside, tell Catherine to call the police, tell her to them to bring a forensics team, and drive Ruby home.”

Sam goes on autopilot. Alex’s words and the finality of them are harrowing. When she gets outside, Catherine is grabbing at her hands, trying to get the full story without actually asking. Sam does her best to calm her down, but she needs to get Ruby home before the police arrive.

As Sam is pulling away, Alex emerges from the house, the last thing Sam can see is Alex kicking a garbage can over, and all but collapsing into Catherine’s arms.

Ruby grumbles awake halfway through the drive. She yawns, and looks confused as to why they’re driving again. “What happened?”

“Nothing. We’re just heading back home.” Sam tries her best to look poised, even though she doesn’t feel it. Ruby’s too intuitive not to know that, but it doesn’t hurt to try.

“Where was Andre? Sleeping or something?”

“Yeah, everything was okay.” She hates lying to Ruby, but she can’t tell her the truth. Sam just grips the wheel tighter, and focuses on one thing at a time.

She parks the car in the driveway, and basically carries Ruby into her bedroom. She tucks her in like she used to do when Ruby was smaller, and somehow less fragile than she seems now. Sometimes, motherhood is overwhelming. Sam’s mother kicked her out so she isn’t exactly sure that she’d gotten all the rules right, and that makes her feel crazy. It makes Sam feel like she’s messing up at every single turn. But Ruby looked happy. She seemed happy. And that had to be good enough, it had to mean something.

One thing at a time.

When Sam makes it to her room, it hits her that she’s not cold anymore. All the frantic energy of the night was catching up to her, and she's starting to feel more and more overwhelmed until she just sits down and takes a breath. How was Alex going to handle that situation on her own? How was she going to do her job and be Andre’s friend at the same time? It does occur to Sam that she’s compartmentalizing. That she’s thinking about Alex so that she doesn’t have to face the reality of Andre being...gone. But Alex is something she has grown to lean on in her short time in National City, and she is the only thing that seems stable at the moment.

One thing at a time.

Sam used to burrow her way into scary thoughts like this before. Thoughts about the big parts of life when the small things were enough to make things difficult. Now, there was no hiding. Now there was no excuses. She was a mother, she was a CFO, and she couldn’t let things scare her into forgetting that.

One thing at a time.

Sam’s phone starts buzzing, as she flutters toward sleep. And when she picks up, there was a brief moment where she thinks: what if that was just a dream?

“Sam.” It was Alex. Sam was relieved and scared all at once, so she let Alex talk instead. “NCPD is handling the situation, but someone will probably stop by to ask you what happened tomorrow morning. Or...today, I guess.” Sam still doesn’t talk, she doesn’t trust her voice. “I can come over. I know it’s late, but...do you want me to come over?”

“Yeah.” Sam knows that Alex would come even if she said no because that was just the kind of person she was. Sam gets up, abandoning the mere thought of sleep, and wraps herself in a blanket, and pulls on slippers.

The doorbell rings when she’s lounging on the couch cradling a mug of tea. It takes her a few tries to unlock the door, but Alex doesn’t make a comment about it, as she enters her house, and takes a seat beside her on the couch.

Alex has never been here, and it pains Sam to think that her house will now always remind Alex of this night. Sam wants to ask, but she doesn’t want to really know, and Alex clearly senses this, because Alex picks up the mug that Sam put out for her, and takes a long drink. Their sorrow has aged them. Maybe they’ve been fighting all their lives against that fact, but for two people who used to grab a bottle and lose all inhibitions, now they’re drinking tea and snubbing out their emotions so they’ll look strong for each other.

“He didn’t suffer.” That’s a thing that people say to make everyone else who lived feel better, Sam thinks. “I mean, I guess he technically did, but it was quick.”

“What happened?” She says it as much for Alex as for herself. Alex looks like she’s processed the situation even less than Sam has.

“He um...shot himself. It was sorta in the tub, that’s why the water was...well, you saw. Probably for easier clean up.” Alex closes her eyes for a second. “Can you sleep?”

“No,” Sam whispers. Alex sets her mug down, and props her elbow up on the couch. “He was supposed to be the strong one.” Sam shakes her head, “What the fuck does that say about us?”

“Hey, come on.” Alex sits up straighter.

“I’m serious. He was hardcore, ten years sober, and then he fucking offs himself?” Sam bites back tears. “I lied to Ruby. I never lie to Ruby.”

“She’s a kid, she can’t handle this-.”

“Neither can I apparently.” Sam can’t fight the words, or the tears. She’s thankful that Alex understands two things. One, that Sam isn’t rational when she’s scared. And two, that sometimes words don’t work. Alex brushes Sam’s hair out of her face, and cups her cheek. She stares at her like…

Sam’s mind can’t go there. She needs to deal with now, and not live in a fantasy world.

“You have to trust me.”

“What?”

“I need you to trust me.” Alex pulls her hand back, and lets it fall to the top of the couch. Sam misses her touch immediately. “I’m not that fragile. And I will never judge you. So stop going there with this end of the world shit. You’re gonna be okay.” There was a firmness, and a certainty in Alex’s voice.

It makes Sam cry.

Not because it was cruel, but because it was what Sam needed. Alex managed to always be what Sam needed, and that was astonishing for how recently they’d met. Sam grabs onto Alex, and lets herself be held. Again.

It’s strange how well their bodies match. Sam used to get made fun of for being lanky and awkward, and Kara has told a bunch of stories about how Alex used to feel small compared to Kara, so that’s why she’d turned to fitness to bulk up. Now that they were older, and seemed to fit into their bodies better, they seemed to meld together quite easily.

Sam sometimes forgets that Alex is technically a doctor. But then when it comes to touch, Alex has a seriously gentle way about her that makes Sam think that Alex must have an incredible bedside manner. Sam just sinks into Alex now, and it does feel like a weight of some kind has been shared between them.

Catherine called Sam, and Alex sped over too. Someone needed to go into the house, so they went in together. They’d become a pair without even knowing it, and that was the thought that eventually sent Sam to bed, because she was certain that no matter what happened, she could lean on Alex again.

* * *

 

Two days later, Alex gets told to go home because she absolutely blows the fuck up at Winn. It’s stupid really, and very much not Winn’s fault, but Alex is furious that Winn couldn’t hack Cadmus’ sleeper agents fast enough to realize that there’d been cross communication about someone named JD. JD as in...

Jeremiah Danvers.

It might’ve been a stretch, Alex knows that, but the teetering between knowing everything and nothing has been driving her crazy for most of her adult life, and now with the answers within arms reach, Alex is a basket case. Lucy grabs her arm, and shoves her toward one of the training rooms. Lucy is kind and funny, but when she’s on the job, she’s fierce and direct. Like now. “What the fuck is your problem?”

“Nothing.” Lucy scoffs, and slams the door shut behind them.

“My ass.” When Alex tries to push past Lucy, Lucy grabs Alex’s shirt to stop her. “If you have a problem with Winn, then talk to him, but we both know you came into work with this bullshit attitude, and I wanna know why.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Did you fall off the wagon?” Alex’s eyes shoot up to Lucy’s. Lucy’s face softens. “If you did it’s okay-.”

“I didn’t,” Alex assures her. “Not everything is your business, Lane.”

“Fine. But you should go home.” Alex could scream. Lucy never pulls rank on Alex, but now Lucy was treating her like some low level agent.

“Why?”

“Because you love Winn. And he thinks your his big sister, so take the time out and go hang out with Kara or something.” Lucy’s right, and Alex absolutely knows she’s right. So Alex changes into streetwear, packs her bag, and leaves. She debates apologizing to Winn, but she’s certain he’ll forgive her, and she’s also certain that she doesn’t deserve that right now.

What Alex needs is a serious sense of normalcy. Or as normal as heading over to CatCo, and hanging out with her alien sister can really be. The first thing that Alex notices when she arrives is that James is a very different person when he’s in charge. Alex catches the tail end of a particularly tense meeting between James and his political reporters. Apparently they’ve been slacking off, and letting themselves get shut out of important meetings, and press conferences. James was firm, he wanted the facts, and so did the public, so they would need to do better.

Alex watched from outside the glass, but she could pretty much hear everything, and she did have to jump out of the way when the reports swarmed out of the office to prove themselves. “Hey, James.” They weren’t close. They would probably never be close, but Alex respected James, and if Kara and Lucy and Winn and even Lena were his friends, then that has to mean something.

“Hey, Alex, what’s up? Looking for Kara?”

“Yeah, do you know where she is?” Alex liked that she didn’t have to do the whole small talk thing. James only liked talking about big things with Alex. Like the situation with The Guardian, or the fact that hockey was the best Olympic sport. Alex turned when she heard a chorus of apologies, and what sounded like a stack of papers fluttering to the ground. “Never mind.”

“Alex!” Kara hugs Alex even with an arm full of papers. She looks further into the office. “Hi, James!”

“Hey.” James looks at Kara with a smile that says this girl is ridiculous, and Kara truly is. “Balcony’s all clear if you guys wanna catch up. I got a meeting across town.”

“Knock ‘em dead,” Alex shouts at James’ retreating form. He fist pumps the air, and Alex remembers immediately why him and Kara had a thing way back when. Little dorks.

“I don’t have to finish my article until ten tonight, so I have time.” Kara doesn’t give Alex enough time to protest, she’s already pulling her outside on James' (or Cat’s?) balcony. They don’t sit, instead Alex almost immediately finds herself pacing. The sky is slowly folding into evening, and she likes to see the world like this, on the border. In between.

It’s not that she’s nervous, it just dawns on her how little she and Kara have spent together over the past few weeks. “Are you okay?” Alex hated when Kara was the one who had to check on her. She wasn’t used to that, and it made her feel less like the protective older sister that she was supposed to be.

“Not really.” Now or fucking never. Alex could not handle keeping this from Kara any longer. She was one month sober, and that should mean something to the people who care about her.

“You don’t have to tell me.” There it was. Kara was giving her an out because she’d grown up with Alex, and Kara knew that putting Alex’s back against the wall was never a good choice.

“I’ve been going to AA.” Kara doesn’t expect that. She shifts uncomfortably for a long moment, before she joins Alex against the railing. “Yeah.”

“Did things get bad again? Did something happen?” _Did I miss it,_ is probably what Kara really wants to say, but she leaves that part out.

“No. Kinda...it was Maggie. Mostly. Maggie, and work, and dad, and then…” Alex runs her fingers through her hair. “Okay, I need to start at the beginning.” Alex groans, and presses her forehead to the railing. If Kara thought Alex was acting crazy, then she wasn’t commenting on it. Instead she just rests her hand on Alex’s back and rubs it soothingly, like Alex used to do to help Kara sleep when she’d first arrived on Earth. “One night I got so drunk, and I really just...felt super lonely. And I didn’t want to be a disappointment, honestly. Not to you or J’onn. So I went, and okay...please don’t get mad about this, but that’s where I met Sam.”

“You go to the same AA meetings? She lives like a billion miles away,” Kara exaggerates.

“Thirty miles east, actually, but it goes really fast on my bike.” Alex peers over her shoulder at Kara to make sure she’s still with her, she is. “So during that first game night, I already knew her. And I was really just going to go that once, but then there was a barbecue thing, and Lena helped me make a pie, and so I met Sam’s daughter, and now we’re sorta friends. Not sorta. We are. Friends.” Alex was sweating, because everything was coming out all at once way too fast. “Two nights ago Sam called me. This guy, Andre, he runs the AA meetings. He ran them, past tense. ‘Cause Sam called me to check on him, and he was dead. So now I’m freaking the fuck out, because he was supposed to be the one who had his shit together. And now he’s gone.”

“Alex-.”

“And like holy shit, right? ‘Cause I’ve seen dead bodies, lots of them. But no one who’d killed themselves. No one who was so far removed from the wars we’ve been fighting everyday.” Kara wrapped her arms around Alex, and she felt like a weighted blanket, and that’s the only reason Alex was actually able to calm down for a moment.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” When did Kara get so strong? Not physically, she’d always been that way. But mentally. Kara didn’t even flinch, she didn’t yell or look hurt, she just looked relieved. “I’m so happy for you.”

“What? Why?”

“AA. Sam. Saving Lucy’s life. All of the above.” Kara releases her. “I’m only sorry that you were scared to tell me.”

“I did need to do this on my own, I think. I needed to know that I could keep coming back without you or J’onn, or God...maybe even Lena forcing me.” Alex did remember how bad things had gotten before. No one knew a look of disappointment until Kara Puppy-dog-eyes Danvers gave you that look. Right now, though, Kara just looked content, and supportive, and that gave Alex so much joy. “Don’t tell mom.”

“You know I won’t.”

“I don’t want to hide things from her either, but I need time to figure out how to breach the subject, you know how she is.” Kara opens her mouth to jump into her youngest child bullshit about how much Eliza has changed, but Alex doesn’t want to hear it. She loved Kara but the family issues didn’t start with her arrival on Earth.

Kara’s phone rings, and Alex can hear someone yelling on the other end. Alex is so ready to beat someone up, but Kara just holds out her phone looking petrified. “It’s Lena, she says you haven’t been answering your phone.” Alex grabs Kara’s phone, and holds it up to her ear.

“Alex, Jesus Christ, do you know how to use a fucking phone?” Lena never sounds like this. Her voice is scratchy, like she’s been crying, and rushed, in the same way that Kara’s is when she’s scared.

“Lena, what-.”

“It’s Sam. Fuck. I think she’s fallen off the wagon. She didn’t show up for work, and she sent me some unreadable text asking if I could come pick her up at a place called _Rivera_?” Alex knew of it. A grimy dive bar that had $1 tequila shots on Tuesdays. Guess what fucking day it was.

“Yeah, I’m on my way.”

“Me too.” Alex hangs up the phone, and hands it back to Kara.

“Do you need me to come with you?” Kara asks.

“No, I got this.” Alex was nearly sprinting through the office when she suddenly stopped, and rushed back out. “I might need you to pick up Ruby. Go as Supergirl.” Alex started jogging again. “Forest Hill Middle School. I love you, you’re the best.”

It took a lot longer for Alex to get to Rivera. There was major construction going on, and that meant that she had to follow two detours. When she finally got to the parking lot, Alex started freaking out. She hadn’t ever seen this side of Sam. All she’d known was the poised woman who was so close to reaching 9 months sober, that Alex had already planned a museum trip that they could bring Ruby on to celebrate.

And she really shouldn’t be doing this. She really shouldn’t be blaming herself, but she saw how upset Sam was, but she went off to work anyway without checking in on her again yesterday. Sam needed her, and she wasn’t there, and Alex wasn’t ready to contend with the results of that.

But Alex entered the bar anyway. Lena was going to be stuck in traffic for much longer than she was, and if Sam really was drunk then Alex could at least stop her from ordering another shot. The first thing that Alex notices when she walks in is that there’s a loud business suit clad group dominating most of the bar. It’s hard for Alex to see over them, or hear the subtle trendy music, but eventually she squeezes between a couple, and spots Sam sitting alone at a booth.

She has three shot glasses sitting in front of her. From the looks of it, that wasn’t all she had to drink.

Alex takes a deep breath, walks over, and takes a seat beside Sam. “Alex…” Sam looks shocked, which is fair. Knowing Sam, she probably told Lena to come alone, and not tell anyone. “What the fuck?” She isn’t angry, she’s just ashamed, but Alex rests her hand on top of Sam’s to let her know that things are okay.

“I can take you home.” Alex tells her.

“Do you honestly think I want to go home? Ruby doesn’t need to see me like this. You don’t either.” Sam tries to stand, but Alex grabs her wrist, and keeps her in place. The last thing she needs is for Sam to get into any more trouble.

“Supergirl is picking Ruby up. She will take care of her, I promise.” Sam nods, but Alex isn’t sure she’s getting all of this. “And Sam? I’ve seen much worse. You made a mistake, shit happens, let’s get you home, okay?”

“It’s just...I woke up today, and I remembered how fucking awful…” Sam was struggling to string together sentences. Her eyes looked so hollow that Alex wanted to cry. “I should’ve called. I wanted to, but then I was trying to convince myself that I was strong enough…”

“It’s okay, Sam. I’m here now.” Alex saw Sam’s phone sitting there on the table, but not her keys. “Did you drive here?”

“No.”

“Sam?” They both looked up and spotted Lena standing there. She was insanely overdressed for a place like this, but she didn’t seem to care that people were staring. She was here because her best friend needed her, and that’s all that mattered.

“Lena, what the fuck? I told you not to say anything-.”

“I know.” Lena wasn’t one for excuses, especially when it came to the people she cared about most. “But I trust Alex, and I knew that she could get here faster than me. You’re not allowed to be mad at me for caring.”

“Fuck you.”

“If you think words like that will hurt me, then you obviously forgot about the way my mother treated me-.”

“You’re not the only one who has a fucked up family. Jesus Christ, you’re such a fucking martyr.” Alex knew this game. She’d played it with Kara and her own mother plenty of times. Sam loved Lena, but she wanted her gone. She didn’t want Lena to see her like this.

“Lena, Supergirl’s picking up Ruby, I’ll have her take her to your place, okay?” Lena looked like she wanted to say more. Like she wanted to do more, but Alex knew that she could handle it on her own. There was no need to hurt Lena’s already fragile view of the world any more.

“Okay.” Lena cleared her throat, and swung her purse over her shoulder. “I love you, Sam. I’m here for you always.” Sam didn’t respond, but Alex knew that Sam understood. Lena’s loyalty was worth its weight in gold.

When Lena leaves, Alex wears a more stern look of determination. “Come on.” Alex had to practically pick Sam up, and carry her out of the bar. Based on her grip, and determination not to fall, Alex felt pretty confident that they could get back to Sam’s house in one piece.

Alex had to put on Sam’s helmet for her, and it took a little corralling to get Sam to stop being handsy, and actually hang on. “Close your eyes,” Alex tells Sam.

“You close your eyes.” Alex starts her bike, but turns to side eye Sam the best she could under her helmet.

“I mean...it’ll help you not throw up.” It did help calm her, and it did help her stop grazing Alex’s stomach, but Alex had to pull over twice because of some close calls. Alex was thankful she actually had the ability to think on her toes, and tell Kara to get Ruby, because she hated the thought of Ruby seeing Sam like this.

Getting into the house proved to be even more of a chore, because Sam kept trying to untie her shoes on the porch, and nearly falling over. “Fuck the shoes, Sam. I know how to sweep.” They enter the house, and Sam starts up the stairs without even waiting for Alex. It takes a second for Alex’s brain to catch up to her body, and even longer to just say fuck it, and follow Sam into the bathroom because she’s already turned on the shower, and Alex is afraid that Sam will crack her head open or something.

“Can you wait for two seconds?”

“Alex, why are you here?”

“I’m here because I care about you.” Alex shuts off the water, and grabs onto Sam’s shirt to keep her from making any other sudden movements. The bathroom was starting to feel like a sauna or a coffin, or other intimidating small things. Alex never really had a fear of small spaces, but Kara did. And it isn’t until this exact moment that she gets it. “Do you even know how to let someone take care of you?”

“I don’t need your help.”

“Yes, you do.” Alex grabs both of Sam’s hands. “Sam, look at me.” Sam does, more by wandering eyes than actual intention. “I’m right here. I know your mother didn’t treat you well, and you’ve spent your life trying to prove that you can do anything alone, but I’m telling you that you don’t have to. You might not have asked for it, but you have a new family now.” Alex squeezes Sam’s hands. “Get over it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be sorry.” Alex releases Sam, and turns on the water. “I’ll sit over here.” Alex pulls down the toilet seat, and sits on top of it. “Don’t worry, eyes closed.” Alex hears a light chuckle from Sam, and even she feels a bit juvenile sitting there. She hears a shirt fall to the ground, and she’s happy that she doesn’t have to do a lot of convincing. When Kara used to be in this position, Alex spent hours pushing the help away, it must’ve been exhausting.

The shower door opens and closes, and after a while, Sam says, “You can open your eyes. I’m covered.” The steam from the shower fogs up the clear glass panels, so Alex opens her eyes, and waits in heavy silence.

There’s so much running through her mind. What was Ruby thinking? Would Kara be able to handle things enough to not reveal her identity to Lena…and a twelve year old? And how on Earth did Alex end up being the sober one? How did she ever end up being the voice of reason?

“I dream about you.” Sam’s voice is so quiet that it nearly blends into the falling water. Alex figures she must’ve misheard, or at the very least, that even if she heard right, Sam is saying that she maybe had one dream about her. Nothing more than that. “When I dream of you, it’s of that night.”

“Which night?” Alex shouldn’t be indulging this. She should care more about Sam staying balanced than what Sam dreams about, but she was curious. And that long drive did seem to help Sam sober up a bit, and the shower couldn’t make things worse either.

“That first one. When you were drunk. Do you remember?”

“Yeah.” That felt like a completely different version of Alex now.

“You’re wearing a blue t-shirt, and black jeans, and you’re sitting on your bike. And I’m running to meet up with you, but I’m carrying this stack of binders like I used to do when I was in college and couldn’t spare the money for a backpack.” Sam has moved onto washing her hair. Alex knows this because she can smell the peach shampoo that she smells every time they hug. “It feels like a memory really. Like we’re starting all this shit over again. But now instead of being alone, you’re there.”

“Sorry for being twelve years late.” Alex wants it to come out playful, but it’s not. She really is sorry for that. Sorry for the both of them.

Sam turns off the water, and Alex grabs a towel. She holds it out and closes her eyes, waiting for Sam to step in her arms. When Sam does, Alex means to step back, she means to say something like ‘I’ll make some tea’ or ‘I’ll grab you a change of clothes’, but instead Alex’s arms are still wrapped around Sam. “The real you is so much better than those dreams.” Sam is staring at her, Alex can feel it. “Alex?”

“Yeah.”

“Open your eyes.” Alex’s eyes flutter open, and as she’s releasing Sam, Sam reaches her hand out to the back of Alex’s neck, and pulls her closer. When their lips touch, Alex’s ears feel like they’re ringing. Instead of listening to her head, she follows her heart, and cups Sam’s face.

Sam deepens the kiss, her fingers scratching at the back of Alex’s hair. Alex’s hands find their home on Sam’s hips. It takes a second for Alex to realize that it was her hands that had discarded the towel. Alex’s body presses against Sam’s, they trail their way back until Sam is pressed up against the sink. Alex’s hands burn with desire, and passion, and want. She wants to feel Sam, she wants to know her body.

“Shit.” Alex practically flies across the room. Her eyes darting to the ground. “I’m so sorry-.”

“No, it’s...sorry, I…” Neither of them can figure out what to say except sorry. Sam picks up her towel, and wraps it around her body. “Don’t hold that against me.”

“No, it’s my fault.” They could play the victim all they wanted, but it was very clear to Alex that she was the one who made the mistake. “I’m gonna grab you some clothes, and make some tea. Will you be okay?”

“Yeah.” Sam nods her head. “I’ll be fine.”

Alex can’t leave the room fast enough. She practically jogs down the stairs, and rushes into the kitchen hoping to do anything with her hands except...touch Sam.

How the fuck could she be so stupid? Let alone be that selfish? Sam was hurting, and lonely, and drunk, and Alex was supposed to be there for her, not try and ruin their friendship. Alex struggles to even do the most basic things involved in making tea, but eventually she pulls herself together, and is able to actually pour two mugs, and head upstairs again.

She knocks on Sam’s bedroom door with her foot. “Come in.” Alex is thankful that Sam is back to wearing actual clothes, even if it’s just a white t-shirt and pajama shorts. Alex tries to remain composed, but Sam is distracting. “Thank you.” Sam takes the mug from Alex, and sets it down on the nightstand. Alex leans against Sam’s dresser. “Look...you really don’t have to stay.”

“I know, but I’m going to anyway.” Alex takes a drink, and wishes she’d added more honey. “By the way...um, your tattoo?” Alex had noticed it while they were...well, earlier. It was surprising, not that tattoos belonged on a certain type of person, but it was eye catching on Sam’s body.

“Right. It’s a bluebird. It’s joyful, and pretty, and I got it when I was finally figuring myself out.” Sam taps the spot on her ribs where the tattoo is. “Do you have any?” That makes Alex grin.

“A few, but I’m not showing you.” Alex was very private about her tattoos. They told a very intimate emotional journey for her, and she wasn’t certain she was in the right mindset to share that with Sam. Well, that, and she had two under her breasts, and she was definitely not ready to show that to Sam.

“I’ll find out soon enough.” Sam sits down on her bed, and idles into relaxing for a moment. “Thank you for not letting Ruby see me like this.”

“Of course.”

“I’m gonna go to bed now.” Sam looks like she needs the rest, and Alex is happy to take care of everything else. She props a pillow against Sam’s back, grabs two Advils and a glass of water, and sends Kara a text to check on Ruby.

[ALEX]: Sam’s asleep, everything okay with Ruby?

[KARA]: Ruby’s awesome! Why didn’t you say she was so cool?!? Also, it’s really hard to wear my cape in Lena’s apartment because I’m scared of breaking everything.

[ALEX]: You can do this Supergirl

Alex trusts Kara more than she trusts herself apparently, but that’s not really news. As Alex lays on the couch that night, she spends about three hours trying to figure out the right way to apologize to Sam. About ten seconds into actual sleep, though, she’s dreaming of Sam.

It’s a dream about the first time they saw each other. Sitting in that stupid church basement, tiptoeing around their life stories and shame. Sam jogging after Alex, carrying that box of pizza, looking so concerned and caring that Alex remembers feeling her skin tingle.

She wanted to kiss Sam on that very first day. But now everything seems so out of order that dreams are turning into memories, and hand holding is turning into stomach-churning love. Alex isn’t sure what she expected, but even if everything is a mess right now, somehow deep down she can still feel that things would work out. Messy, muddled, and dangerous. Things were going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Things will be alright
> 
> 2\. For the two people who bought me coffee, that was seriously the most kind and generous thing to do, so please send me your emails/tumblrs/something because I'm going to write a little extra something for you - perhaps like some missing scenes or something. (This isn't me trying to bribe people into buying me coffee, I just really do appreciate when people go out of their way to be kind, and I want to show my appreciation)
> 
> 3\. I hope you enjoyed this, and also what is your favorite Olympic sport? Summer or winter?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all are seriously so incredible, I don't know how to put it into words. Thank you all so so much for reading!
> 
> Because there have been so many generous folks over at my kofi page, I've posted a short little "missing scene" from this fic there, just click on "posts" and it'll be there: ko-fi.com/team_science_mega_nerds
> 
> Again, this is not me trying to get folks to buy me coffee, this is just a simple thank you for those beautiful souls.

Ruby can see through bullshit so easily that Alex briefly thinks about whether or not she’s old enough to be a part of DEO interrogations. Lena returns Ruby at seven that day, and because Sam is still asleep, and Lena has to eventually run off to work, Alex is stuck dealing with what to do with a twelve year old all day. The first thing Ruby does is run upstairs to check on her mom. Alex’s eyes dart to Lena as if to say _do something_ , but Lena just plops down on the couch and eyes the tousled blanket. “You slept here?”

 

“Lena, what the hell? Should Ruby be going up there?”

 

“She loves her mom, that’s more than I can say for myself.” Lena lets out a sigh. “Don’t worry, Ruby can handle it, and so can Sam.” This almost feels routine, like Lena has done this a million times. Maybe she has. They did live in the same city for a while, maybe Lena’s had practice. “I need to go to work.”

 

“You can’t!” Alex sounds desperate, but she really is very out of her element. She could maybe handle babysitting, but not for an entire day, and not without guidance. “Lena.”

 

“Alex.” Lena grumbles, and even if she was stuck between a rock and a hard place, Alex was not about to do this alone. “I can spare a few hours, but I do have an entire company to run.”

 

“Good. Great.” Ruby bounds down the stairs in twos, and looks between Alex and Lena for a long moment before proclaiming, “I’m not going to school.”

 

“I think it might be better if you did. More structure, and...books.” Wow, Alex was horrible at this.

 

“My mom just fucking relapsed, can I please ignore math for like one second?” Ruby plops onto the couch next to Lena, and rests her head on the older woman’s shoulder. “Maybe we could play soccer or something?”

 

“Yeah! That sounds fun.” Alex arch a brow Lena’s way. “What?” Lena just grins. “Fuck school, fight the power.” This was seriously going to be the longest day of Alex’s life, especially with a rogue Lena on her hands. But Ruby was right. Even if she went to school, Alex doubted that Ruby would actually take anything in. She was a kid, she was probably hurting and afraid, so Alex crosses her arms over her chest, and smiles.

 

“Fine, but I’m calling in backup,” Alex tells them. Ruby seems thrilled by the thought, and retreats to the garage to grab her duffle bag filled with equipment. Alex sends a text to Lucy, knowing full well that it’s a long shot, and that some people actually can be responsible sometimes, and do their jobs. She’d text Kara, but knowing that the situation yesterday was probably taxing and definitely made her turn in her article late, Alex decided not to impose again. “Things were okay yesterday?”

 

“Yeah, Supergirl was...great, actually.” Lena smiles a little to herself, and Alex honestly can’t wait for Kara to accidentally tell Lena the truth, because Lena is gonna be so pissed. “I mean I know she saves kittens or whatever, but she...she didn’t have to stay that long. Or watch a movie with us. I thought it was all very sweet.”

 

“Close your mouth, you’re drooling,” Alex jokes, just as Ruby enters the room again. “Ready?”

 

“Yeah. Can I ride on your bike?”

 

“No way.” At least Alex got basic safety down right, and she was pretty certain Sam would kill her if anything happened to Ruby. “But maybe I’ll drive you around the parking lot, we’ll see.”

 

“Sweet!” Ruby glances over at Lena. “Hurry up!” Alex was fueled by Ruby’s excitement. She might not be the perfect role model or the perfect person to hang out with a twelve year old, but Ruby didn’t really seem like the average kid. As Lena and Ruby headed to a sleek silver _Mercedes_ and Alex walked to her bike, Alex noticed that Ruby seemed to be the only one unhindered by the events of the previous day. Whatever Ruby and Sam talked about upstairs must have been encouraging to keep her spirits up like that.

 

The drive over to the park was quick, and because it was a school day there were only a few people there, mainly children and their parents running around the playground. The soccer fields were clear though, and that made Lucy and Vasquez’s presence fairly noticeable as Alex parked her bike. When she started walking across the field she noticed that Vasquez had a soccer ball already, and she was kicking it to Lucy who was...really bad at kicking it back. “You two are a package deal now?”

 

“Slow day at the office. When Lucy mentioned actual sunlight and fresh air, I jumped at the opportunity.” Vasquez kicks the ball to Alex, and she easily stops it with the inside of her foot, and absolutely rifles it into the goal. Lucy’s mouth hangs open, and Vasquez claps her hands in surprise. “Dammit, I knew we should’ve started a DEO soccer league.”

 

“Yeah, seriously, Danvers.” Lucy nods over toward the parking lot where Lena and Ruby are exiting the car. “So, what’s the deal with the kid? You called us over just to help you babysit?”

 

“Rough night with Sam, Ruby stayed at Lena’s, just don’t mention it. Ruby needs support.” Lucy gives Alex a thumbs up, and walks over to talk to Ruby and Lena. Vasquez hangs back with Alex.

 

“Is Sam alright?”

 

“Kinda. Not really.” Alex doesn’t know what words to use, and Vasquez seems to get that. “Sam’s tough though, so is her kid.”

 

“My mom was a wicked violent alcoholic. I know Sam’s not like that, but…” Vasquez looks over at Ruby who seems to be enthusiastically demonstrating a trick for Lucy and Lena to see. “I’ve been in Ruby’s shoes, so I’m happy to be there for her.”

 

“You’re the best.”

 

“You too.” Vasquez is the most level headed person Alex has ever met. The job requires that kind of focus, but Vasquez is like an all knowing force of unwavering stability. Alex liked having her at her side at work, but she liked having her around in her free time too. Especially now, as Ruby was making Vasquez play goalie while everyone took shots at her. Vasquez could take anything in stride, and even though she was short, she still managed to block most of Lucy’s shots.

 

Muscle memory was a crazy thing. Alex hadn’t played soccer in over teen years and yet every move she made seemed so familiar. It was a scary thing actually. When your mind knows that everything is different, that you entire world is different, but your body refuses to let you forget about who you were. In high school Alex had a mean streak. Fucking malicious and shameful, and she managed to get out some of her frustrations on the field, but most she took home with her. She blew up at Kara all the time. Eliza had to walk on eggshells when it came to Alex, and she was beyond ready to go to college.

 

Some of that was Vicky too, of course. Alex was so wrapped up in her own shit, that she forgot that drinking before classes wasn’t a requirement, but she had to, or she would have to face Vicky on her own. Alcohol was her crutch, and it carried her through everything. Until now.

 

Now, she was teaching a twelve year old how to fake a fall so that the refs will give her team a penalty kick. Now, Lena was opening up a giant black umbrella, throwing on her $300 sunglasses, and watching them from the bleachers, occasionally reminding them that she had to get to work at some point. Now, Alex was getting into an easy flow with Ruby, and finding that sobriety was so much better than looking through beer goggles every day. She could appreciate every detail of this moment. The good and bad, and that was what life was really supposed to be like. “You should coach my team. Mr. Foreman is the worst.”

 

“Seems like a conflict on interest, Ruby. I’m friends with your mom so I’d probably give you extra playing time, and it probably wouldn’t be good to play favorites,” Alex explains.

 

“That sounds awesome to me,” Ruby kicks the ball over to Lucy. “You guys could coach, maybe.” Ruby dribbles the ball to herself for a moment. “But things do get really crazy, I don’t want the pressure to make you guys break up.” Lucy and Vasquez exchange a look.

 

“How did you know we were dating?” Lucy questions.

 

“Oh, so it is _dating_ now?” Alex asks. Lucy didn’t really seem like the kind of person to be very definitive about what terms she wanted to use.

  
“Of course, Alexandra, you either date or you’re married, there’s really nothing else before those things.” Lucy is so bad at handling children. Instead of meeting them at their level, she goes lofty, but Ruby seems to find it entertaining.

 

“It’s pretty obvious,” Ruby shrugs. “Adults are always obvious.”

 

“Always?” Alex wonders if Ruby has any thoughts about her. She hadn’t spent much time with her, but Alex is certain that Ruby notices when new people come into her life because Sam is so protective. Ruby catches onto Alex’s uneasiness, and she kicks the ball over to Alex like it’s a little peace offering between them. As if Ruby’s saying _you know what I know, but if you need it to be a secret, then that’s okay too_. Alex is thankful, and even more impressed with how great of a kid that Sam has.

 

She really shouldn’t be surprised.

 

“Can we go to _Super Smash Burgers_?” Ruby’s energy is contagious, and Alex seriously struggles to say no to this kid.

 

“Ohhh, can we? Can we?” Lucy bounces around on her toes like some kind of Kara, and Alex rolls her eyes. “Please, please, please.”

 

“Luce, we have to get to work.” Vasquez grabs hold of Lucy’s arm, and starts pulling her towards their car. “Thanks for inviting us, but if I don’t get back to my cushioned seat in the next hour, I think my legs will fall off.” Things did start getting intense, but that’s because Lena was getting frustrated, and was trying her best to pit everyone against each other since she was stuck “burning alive” on the bleachers. And in heels.

 

“Fine, but I expect a rematch!” Lucy yells over her shoulder as she’s ushered into the car. Lena descends the bleachers, and closes her umbrella.

 

“We’re going, right?”

 

“Is it close?” Alex asks.

 

“Two blocks away.”

 

“Fine.” Alex looks over at Lena who seriously might be a vampire, because she looks so disturbed by daytime, Alex really is starting to wonder. “Lena, go be boring somewhere else. Ruby and I are gonna go on a ride.”

 

Alex was absolutely certain that she might get in a little bit of trouble with Sam, and Alex might also be overcompensating, but she really wanted Ruby to have a good day with her. As Lena sped off shouting out the window, “You’re boring!” Alex was busy helping Ruby put on her helmet. “You ever been on one of these things?”

 

“No way, my mom would freak.” Ruby blushed. “I mean...totally, yeah. It’s no big deal.”

 

“Right.” Once Alex was certain that the helmet was secure, she climbed onto the bike. “Get on.” Ruby managed to slid on behind Alex, with a few struggles balancing for a moment. “All you’ve got to do is hold on. That’s easy enough, right?”

 

“Yup.” Ruby wraps her arms around Alex’s waist. “I’m ready.”

 

“Cool, let’s roll.” When did Alex become the type of person who says things like _let’s roll_? Whatever changes Alex was going through she was changing pretty fast. At one point during the drive, she heard Ruby say something, but the motor was too loud, and Alex was about ready to panic thinking that she’d done something wrong. “What?”

 

“Can you do a wheelie?” This kid was honestly going to be the death of her.

 

Alex didn’t do a wheelie of course, but she did pick up speed a bit, and round the corners faster. Just to get an excited squeal out of Ruby. They managed to make it to the burger joint unscathed, and as they walked in, Ruby beelined it to a barstool even though the sign said wait to be seated. A charming looking guy pops his head up from under the bar, and he smiles at Ruby.

 

“The usual?” He asks, and Ruby gives him a nod, before she points over at Alex.

 

“She’ll have my mom’s usual.” Alex joins Ruby at the bar, and gives the man a smile.

 

“And who might this be? You’ve got another mum then?” Alex readies herself for some homophobic comment, but the man looks genuinely intrigued, and Ruby seems to take the comment in stride.

 

“She wishes.”

 

“Name’s Manchester, and you are?”

 

“Alex.” They shake hands, and a moment later he tosses a basket of chips between Alex and Ruby. Manchester seems like a good guy, but Alex does hear him chuckle a little to himself as he heads back into the kitchen, muttering _she wishes_ , like Ruby has just said the funniest thing in the world.

 

She had, but still.

 

Ruby and Alex dig into the chips, but after awhile, Alex realizes that Ruby hasn’t said much. “You okay? Don’t tell me my bike was too much for you to handle.”

“No, it’s just…” Ruby crunches a few chips in her mouth before continuing. “Are you scared of me?”

 

“Huh? What?” Alex stops eating and turns to face Ruby. “What makes you say that?”

 

“You invited Lucy and Vasquez to play soccer. It seemed like you didn’t want to hang out with me.” Alex’s heart breaks at those words. She’d only wanted to make Ruby comfortable, not to make her feel like she was a burden.

 

“Oh, Ruby.” Alex shakes her head. “I’m…” Ruby looks at her, wide eyed and frightened. Oh god, Alex doesn’t know how to do this. She doesn’t know how to find the right balance between honesty, and safety. Sam would just tell Ruby the truth, so Alex should do that too. “I am a little scared. Not of you, just...I want Sam to know that she can trust me with you. It’s a big deal for her.”

 

“She’s so overprotective.”

 

“She loves you.” Alex nudges Ruby’s shoulder with her own. “Can I tell you something?”

 

“Yeah.” Manchester returns with their orders, and Alex is pleasantly surprised to see a giant burger with an onion ring and a fried egg on it.

 

“Enjoy!” He scampers off to talk to some other locals, and that leaves Alex enough time to convince herself to just speak to Ruby like a friend.

 

“I was almost married. We were really good together, and I really thought that she was going to be the one for me.” Alex twirls a chip in her hand, and Ruby looks at her attentively. “But she didn’t want kids, and we couldn’t figure out a way around that fact, so we broke up.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Yeah, me too.” Alex shakes off the feeling. “I was really nervous before, I am now, too, I guess. Because you’re a living breathing kid, and I keep feeling like if I mess something up then I’m not ready to have a kid, and then it feels like all that heartbreak was for nothing.” God, this was why taking actual steps toward what you want is so hard. Alex had piles of adoption applications in her apartment, but she never could get around to them. Because she was so scared of what it would mean to fail, to have given up something she thought was perfect, for something so uncertain.

 

She wasn’t sure that Ruby could understand the extent of that, but Ruby takes a giant bite of her burger, and says, “My mom makes mistakes all the time. And I think she beats herself up about it a lot.” Ruby sets her burger down, and wipes her face before continuing, “But knowing that I don’t have to be perfect is kinda nice.” Ruby pokes Alex’s arm. “Plus you have a cool motorcycle and a cool futuristic uniform...you’re basically a superhero. You’d be such a cool mom.”

 

* * *

 

 

They bring food back for Sam, and Alex is very surprised to see her up and about this early. It was past eleven, but normally on nights like Sam had, Alex would find herself waking up around one. Sam’s sweeping when they walk in, and Alex raises the greasy bag up, so she can see what it is. “Lunch?” Sam abandons the broom near the door, and looks at Ruby pointedly.

 

“No school?”

 

“No work?”

 

“Touche.” Sam takes the bag from Alex, and starts for the kitchen. “Clean your room at least.” Ruby salutes, and heads upstairs, but not before she gives Sam a huge hug. Alex watches on with a smile, she’d never seen a family interact the way they did, it was so wonderful to watch. “You guys got lunch?”

 

“And played a little soccer too.” Alex joins Sam at the kitchen island. “Did you just get up?”

 

“Yeah, my head is about ready to explode.” It does hurt to see Sam like this. All of her usual flare has been replaced with pain. She looks sad, disappointed too, but Alex tries to put on a brave face.

 

“Look…” Sam holds up her hand, like she doesn’t want to hear it, but Alex continues, because it needs to be said. “We need to go to AA tonight.”

 

“I can’t.”

 

“You can.” Alex doesn’t want to say much about the situation, especially considering Andre’s funeral is in a few days, but this whole week is going to be tough, and they can’t do it alone. “The longer you wait the harder it’ll be to go back.” Alex knows that from experience.

 

“Everyone will know I’m a fuck up.”

 

“A fuck up in a room full of fuck ups.” Alex rubs Sam’s back.

 

“Don’t do that.”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Touch me like you know how to fix things.” Alex immediately retracts her hand. This is a mountain she’s never scaled, because Sam has never reacted to her like this. It’s a mix of emotions, Alex can see that, but the last thing she wants to do is overstay her welcome. This hurts, but it’s life, what happened last night with Sam shouldn’t have happened.

 

“I’ll go.”

 

“Don’t think that I’m not grateful.” Alex’s feet stall near the door, she turns and gives Sam a nod. “For Ruby.”

 

“Yeah, anytime.”

 

Frankly, Alex can’t get out of there fast enough. She knows when she’s not wanted, and she can’t handle not being wanted by Sam.

 

The DEO is as safe a place as any right now, so Alex takes her bike, and pretty much everyone is surprised to see her there. Lucy’s at the other base, and Vasquez is doing a systems check, so Alex is forced to slum it with Winn near the control center. Winn doesn’t exactly look pissed, but he looks concerned. And scared. Alex can’t handle having two people mad at her, so she takes the seat beside him, and twirls around in the chair. “Fucking horrible day.”

 

“Oh, yeah?”

“Just some shit with Sam.”

 

“Hm.” Winn stops typing, and actually chances a glance at Alex. “I like Sam.”

 

“Why are you saying it like that?” Winn sinks in his chair.

 

“Am I not supposed to? At game night you two were all lovey dovey.” Winn shrugs his shoulders. “If you don’t like her, then you really gotta work on your vibes.”

 

“Well, you can take your vibes, and shove them up your…” Alex groans, because she was feeling it again. Exploding at the wrong people for the wrong reasons. Winn didn’t deserve this, she shouldn’t be taking this out on him. “Sorry.”

 

“At the risk of getting murdered, can I let you in on a little secret?” Alex stops spinning the chair, and looks to Winn to hear his brilliant advice. “You kinda did this whole freak out thing with Maggie too.”

 

“I did not.”

 

“Totally did.” Winn grins like he’s cracked a code. “And when Kara saved your plane. And when Kara told us that she was Supergirl. And when-.”

 

“Okay, I get it.”

 

“Change scares you.” Alex knows that Winn is right, but she hates that he sounds so confident about it. Change would scare anyone, especially when change for Alex meant losing her father again. Or realizing that she spent ten years of her life having sex with random men and never once feeling like she was actually touched. Change for Alex was chaotic, and always surprising, and now this thing with Sam…

 

This type of change was something that demanded her attention. She needed to stop thinking about Sam like if she did the wrong thing everything would fall apart. They’re friends, and friends are there for each other no matter what. “You’re right.”

“I am?” Winn’s voice crack should make Alex embarrassed by him, but it just makes her love him even more.

 

“Winn, you’re the best brother I could ask for.” Alex messes up his hair, and kisses him on the forehead. “I love you, and never tell anyone I said that.” Winn still blushes, and does a ridiculous dance in his chair, as Alex jogs to the locker rooms.

 

Alex has an entire speech she prepares on her way over to Sam’s house. It’s pretty decent, stern, and to the point at least. She isn’t sure if her words will come out right, or if Sam will understand that she isn’t doing this to fix her, just to help her remain herself. Alex does love Sam. In all the ways there is to love someone, but the most important way for her to love Sam is to never stop telling her that she is worthy of the life she built for herself.

 

When Alex does finally pull up to Sam’s driveway, she sees a familiar bike propped up in the yard. And she sees a familiar piece of shit, talking to Ruby in the front yard.  Ruby has a tiny netted goal set up, and it looks like Peter has manage to stall her game with his presence. “Peter!”

 

“Oh, hey, Alex.” Alex studies Ruby’s face looking for any signs of discomfort. She looks okay, but Alex isn’t so sure. “Just stopped by to check on Sam.”

 

“Right.” Alex motions for Peter to lead the way to the front door. He edges forward, and as they make their way up the front porch steps, Peter grabs Alex’s arm firmly.

 

“Relax, will ya? This isn’t a competition.” He rings the doorbell with a smirk. “Give me dibs on Sam, and you can have the leftovers-.” Alex grabs the collar of Peter’s shirt, and yanks him so hard backwards that he lands two steps down with a loud _thud_. Ruby stops mid kick, and before Alex’s anger can overcome her, Sam opens the front door.

 

“Alex?” Alex ignores her balled up fists, and the way Peter’s smug face studies her own. She doesn’t want to be someone who scares people, especially not Ruby or Sam, so she holds out her hand to help Peter up to his feet. He takes the gesture in stride.

 

“A bit clumsy of me.” Peter glances over at Sam. “We’ve missed you at the past few meetings.”

 

“Yeah, you don’t have to worry.”

 

“Catherine told us...you know, about the thing with Andre-.”

 

“Peter, we don’t need a recap. Seriously, you should go ahead.” Sam doesn’t look like she’s going to back down anytime soon, so Peter quickly makes his retreat to his bike. After a few moments of hesitation scattered between them, Sam and Alex are forced to react when Ruby comes jogging over.

 

“What a dirtbag.” Ruby loops her arm with Alex’s. “I didn’t know you’d be back so soon. Come inside.” It’s an earnest offer, but Alex is determined not to push things too far. Sam wears her uncertainty on her sleeve, so instead of following Ruby, Alex shifts her weight, and eyes Sam.

 

“I just need to talk to your mom really quick.” Ruby looks between them again, before nodding and jabbing her finger back toward the house.

 

“I’ll be in the kitchen.” As Ruby’s form retreats into the house, Sam is quick to shut the door behind her, and step out into the yard with Alex. They spend a few moments staring at each other, all the while Alex is gearing up for her speech.

 

“You’re back sooner than I thought you’d be.” Alex nods, like Sam really should’ve been expecting something like this. “I snapped at you, when you were just trying to help. That wasn’t okay.”

 

“I’ve got thick skin…”

 

“You really don’t.” Sam laughs at the thought. “Look...I’m not used to this. Usually, Lena’s the one coming to my rescue. And you know how things are with her when she’s trying to mend things. She’s easy. One foot in front of the other, and that’s all.” Sam and Alex start walking down the street, as if staying in the same place will quickly become overwhelming. It already has for Alex. “It’s easy to confuse things.” _Things_ mostly meant that kiss, Alex assumed. And Sam was right, Alex’s emotions really were getting the best of her, and making this entire situation fall into grey areas.

 

“I don’t want to make things confusing.” Alex sticks her hands into her pockets, and thinks through the situation. She thinks about her speech, and when she goes to say it, something completely different comes out. “Have you ever been to Midvale?”

 

“Uh...no? That’s where you grew up? Beachy, quiet, warm, right?”

 

“Yeah.” Alex shrugs. “I’m asking because...well, would you like to go there?”

 

“Me?”

 

“Yes, you, and...well Ruby too, obviously.” This was 100 percent not the plan, but Alex couldn’t catch up to her mouth to tell herself to shut the hell up.

 

“When?”

 

“I was thinking...now. Sorta.” Alex’s blush says it all. “Sorry, that’s insane. Obviously. I just thought...it might help to get away.”

 

“You know what?” Sam and Alex have started back toward Sam’s house. Sam takes her time, like she’s mulling things over. “Ruby!” She shouts through the front door, and Ruby comes barreling to the door, peering through the screen.

 

“You’re going to wake the neighbors, mom.”

 

“It’s five.”

 

“There’s loads of old people out here.” Ruby says with a grin.

 

“Whatever.” Sam laughs, wrinkling her nose up a little. “How would you like to go to Midvale?”

 

“When?”

 

“Today. Now.” Sam smiles at Alex.

 

“I get to miss school? Sweet!” Ruby throws open the door, and jogs down the steps, colliding with Sam’s hip, as she wraps her mother up in a hug.

 

“Just for a few days, maybe. My mom still lives out there.” As Alex says it, she’s reminded that she and Eliza haven’t had the best relationship in the world. Things have been better, but showing up unannounced with a woman who has just relapsed and her twelve year old daughter might cause some problems. That was a problem for another day. Right now, Alex was just happy that she’d given up on her speech, and decided to be spontaneous for a change. “The house is on the beach, which is kinda nice.”

 

“Kinda? Alex, that sounds incredible.” Sam’s face reads relief, and it feels nice to be the one who has caused that. Sam did need AA, both of them did, but taking the time to walk away from life for a moment could do wonders too. “We can’t all fit on your bike though. Looks like my cool minivan will be making its first appearance in Midvale.”

 

“Yeah, right.” Alex pulls out her phone, and dials J’onn. “Hey, J’onn.”

 

“You sound like you want something from me.” Alex smiles, and turns away from Ruby and Sam.

 

“Can I borrow your car?”

 

“Absolutely not.” Alex smiles again, because J’onn has never stood up to the Alex’s sheer determination. Like any good parent, he would always fold.

 

“I’ll wash it.” Alex suggests. “I’ll find out what M’gann’s favorite movie is so you can pretend you randomly clicked on it, and she’ll think you’re soulmates.” J’onn sputters on the other end for a moment before sighing.

 

“If you scratch it-.”

 

“-I die. Life and death scenarios are kinda my thing.” Alex could hear the smile coming if the gentle laugh that J’onn accidentally let out was any indication. “Seriously, I owe you.” Alex clicked the phone off before J’onn could bore her to death with the details of taking care of the car, she was certain that Vasquez would have an entire document typed up when she went to get the damn thing anyway.

 

“So…” Ruby looks at Alex expectantly. “Are we going to the beach?”

 

“Pack your things, Ruby.” Sam kisses Ruby on the forehead. “Alex is taking us on a vacation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the thing...
> 
> a) Ruby is always essential, so I had to really find a good way to bring her into this story again  
> b)Alex and Sam will have some hurdles, but how great is it that they keep coming back together  
> c) I meant to make the next chapter just a quick little trip to Midvale, but I'm 7,000 words in and that's not even half of what I wanna write, so that chapter will probably be split into 2-3 chapters (Also this has been my favorite part to write so far)
> 
> Anyway...who do you think would be the best coach for Ruby's soccer team and why?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I really really wanted to get this chapter to you all before Thanksgiving just in case people have tough home situations, I thought this might be a nice gift to keep you occupied if you can get away or need to get away  
> 2) It's over 7,000 words (whoops)  
> 3) This is my favorite chapter of this fic because of reasons

It’s insane really, this whole thing about calling Eliza as they’re already halfway there. But Alex needs the time to work up the courage, and the time to figure out exactly what to say to a woman she hasn’t spoken to since Alex and Kara visited a few months ago. It’s daunting, the idea of saying _hey, mom, can I bring a woman and a child over for a few days? She’s an alcoholic, and just relapsed, also I’m an alcoholic too_. But Alex cannot just show up out of the blue without explaining things, Eliza forgets how to be kind when her back is against the wall.

 

Like mother, like fucking daughter.

 

Sam insists on filling up the gas tank, while Ruby is happy to wash down the car, so Alex steps a few feet away for the illusion of privacy to call her mom. “Hey.” Alex isn’t surprised that she picks up right away. Eliza probably thinks the worst when it’s Alex calling, and she’s not quite sure what this situation would really be considered.

 

“Hi, Alex. Is everything okay? Kara’s fine?” Alex closes her eyes; of course she would worry about Kara first, Eliza never considers Alex in the forefront of her mind no matter what situation they’re in. Kara was the best sister ever, especially because she was sharing Xena duty with Lucy at the moment, but sometimes Eliza’s favoritism was a bit much.

 

“Yeah, she’s fine. I…” Alex glances over to see Ruby pointing to all the spots on the hood that Sam has apparently missed when cleaning the car, and the pair break out into a fit of laughter when Ruby is too short to reach. “I need to come for a visit.”

 

“That sounds... _formal_.” Eliza takes a breath, and Alex can hear the worry coloring her voice again. “You know the house is always open to you. I’d love to have you here.” No, she loves having Kara there because Kara’s bubbly, and she cooks and gardens, and reminds Eliza of every good moment they’ve ever had. Alex just happens to be a part of the package deal.

 

“I...I’m bringing my friend. Well, my friend _and_ her daughter. I know it’s short notice, but…” Alex can see that Sam is just screwing the gas tank shut, and climbing back into the car. Alex doesn’t have much time to explain this, and she doesn’t want to go into detail over the phone. “She needs this.”

 

“Anything. You know that. I’ll set up the guest room.” Alex is thankful that so much uncertainty has made Eliza so accommodating. They took in strays, that’s just what her family does.

 

“Love you, mom.”

 

“Love you too, Alex.” Alex clicks off the phone, and quickly makes her way over to the car. She gets in, and immediately spots Ruby eyeing the radio with a smirk.

 

“What?” Alex asks her, peering through the rearview mirror at a very mischievous looking Ruby. “Oh, God, what happened?” Now it was Sam who was giving Alex a smile. “Seriously.” Alex starts driving, but she still can’t fully focus until she knows why they’re suddenly being so shady.

 

“Your bluetooth was still connected while you were on the phone.” Ruby says, leaning as far forward between the front seats as her seatbelt will allow. “Don’t worry we didn’t listen in, but your music came up, and I was scrolling through and found…”

 

Sam flicks the music on. “Showtunes.” Sam’s grin says it all, even if Alex should be embarrassed, the fact that Ruby and Sam know the words to over half of the _Rent_ soundtrack makes things feel a whole hell of a lot better. It isn’t the same as a car ride with Kara. Mostly because Kara’s voice dominates their road trip sing alongs, but the Arias women are great companions to have along.

 

It’s hard to tell if Sam is really feeling much better, but she does seem to put on a brave face for Ruby’s sake. After another hour Ruby falls asleep, and Sam switches the music off, and lets the wind graze her fingers as she trails them out into the night air. Alex wants to say something. They’ve been pretty comfortable together since the whole kiss thing, but Alex can tell that Sam is still a bit unbalanced.

 

Sam beats her to the punch, and asks Alex something instead. “Why did you move from Midvale?”

 

“I hated it.” Alex realizes that she’s not really answering the question with the whole truth, so she adds, “I hated the things it reminded me of.”

 

“Kara seems to have loved it. She talked about it a lot at the last game night.” Sam mulls things over. “Though your sister seems to like simpler things. I’ve read her articles, and that’s not a dig, it’s just...Kara’s very black and white with things.” Kara might be, but Supergirl isn’t, and Alex knows that’s a serious struggle that Kara faces everyday.

 

“She can be. So can I, I guess.” Alex eyes the long road ahead of them. Little headlights keep peeking up over the mountains, and if she were alone and on her bike, this is around the time when she would start closing her eyes. The danger fuels her. The roads feel as much like home as her old bedroom. She knows this place, she knows this feeling. “I had a lot of problems controlling my emotions when I was younger. My dad encouraged me to be free with how I felt, but my mother hated that about me. After Midvale and drunken nights in college, I think I just...I had to find a way to control myself again.”

 

“And that was the FBI?”

 

“I didn’t choose it. I got a drunk and disorderly, and then J’onn showed up.” Alex can’t help but smile at the memory. She was a mess, and a drunken ass, but J’onn saw her. He actually believed in her and in what she could bring to the DEO. “Rage was something I didn’t really grow out of. So I learned to tame it.” Alex shakes her head. “Kinda.”

 

“My youth was filled with complacency. I did what I was supposed to do. I went to church, I went to school, but then one day I think I decided that I didn’t want to be those things. Before everything with Ruby, I think I really had already broken my mother's heart.” Sam rolled her window down further. “I haven’t seen my mother in twelve and a half years. I always thought mothers were supposed to know their daughters, but she’s never known me. She probably never will.”

 

“Good things can be hidden under pain. If she doesn’t know you, she doesn’t deserve to.” Alex slows, and turns down her long and winding driveway. It takes a moment for her to remember the curves. Because this is a path she used to walk, not drive, but it comes easy eventually. Just like everything else.

 

When Alex pulls the car beside Eliza’s SUV, Alex can see her mother sitting on the front porch with a tray of something sitting in front of her. Alex gets out of the car first, but Ruby’s too quick for her own good, and the younger more agile knees allow Ruby to climb the porch steps in a matter of seconds.

 

“Hi, I’m Ruby!” Sam chuckles. Alex can see that Sam is preoccupied with grabbing her - and Ruby’s - bags, but Ruby sudden burst of energy is obviously fueled by more than just kindness. “Are those cookies?”

 

“Ruby, wait for Alex’s mom to introduce herself to you. Name, handshake, and then cookies.” Alex slings her backpack over her shoulder, and watches as Ruby shakes Eliza’s hand rapidly, before going for a cookie.

 

As Alex and Sam walk over, Alex feels nervous. Even as a teen, Alex rarely brought people over. Maggie hadn’t even been here, but Alex sucked it up for the sake of being hospitable. “Hey, mom.” Eliza hugs her, tight, and Alex has to duck out of her mother’s arms when Eliza starts peppering her forehead with kisses.

 

“Oh, Alexandra, I’ve missed you.” Ruby laughs, and even Sam has an inquisitive gaze when Alex finally manages to regain her balance. “I’m Eliza.” Eliza’s already going in for a hug, and Sam’s name comes out with a huff, but Alex can sense the comfort between them as they pull back. Eliza tends to have that effect on people. “I made cookies. You two enjoy.” Eliza motions toward Sam’s bag, “Alex help me take their things in.”

 

“Sure, mom.” Sam playfully shoves her bag into Alex’s hands, before she joins Ruby on one of the lounge chairs on the porch. Alex catches Sam’s wink before she follows Eliza inside, and it just makes her smile to think that Sam can even still be playful with her. Eliza, on the other hand, was acting like this was some kind of four star hotel, and based on the smell of bleach, Alex knows that Eliza scrubbed the entire house down before they arrived.

 

Things looked different too. A misplaced table here, a few added plants there, Eliza has made busywork of empty nesting. “We can put their things in the guest room.” Alex nods, and climbs the stairs behind Eliza. Alex tosses her bag into her and Kara’s room before heading to the guest room. “So what’s the real story here?” Alex couldn’t reasonably expect Eliza to just go with the flow, but she had hoped that she could wait until at least tomorrow morning to explain things.

 

Eliza pretends to remake the bed, even though it’s pristine, and Alex peeks out the window at the ocean just beyond the canoes and small boat tied to their dock. “Okay, I’m about to say a lot of things right now, but I really can’t explain it all and help you process through it.” Alex turns back to her mom. “Sam’s an alcoholic, so am I. She relapsed, and I thought it might help if she had a safe quiet place to land.” There are questions burning at the tip of Eliza’s tongue, but instead of asking, she just gives Alex a firm nod.

 

“Got it.” She motions to the door. “Shall we?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Sam’s beautiful.” Alex wants to slam her head through the floor. She does not need this right now. “You said friend on the phone, I know, I know. But come on.” Eliza nudges Alex’s hip like they’re old pals instead of mother and daughter. “She is.”

 

“Yeah, I’ve seen her.” _I’ve kissed her_. “But seriously. Just friends.”

 

“Right, right.” Eliza lets Alex lead the way this time, and when they reemerge on the porch, Ruby and Sam are inspecting a forest green bag. As Alex swoops in to grab a cookie, she notices what the bag really is.   


“Is that Kara’s?” Alex asks. Eliza looks on sheepishly.

 

“Yeah, I...sometimes I look at the sky. You know, like you and Kara used to.” Alex kneels next to the bag, and unzips it. It looks exactly like it used to, marked with a dent that occurred when Kara got too excited about seeing Mars. She pulls the telescope out, and Ruby lets out a gasp.

 

“Wow, that’s so cool.” Ruby says, kneeling beside Alex. Alex quickly sets up the equipment, and props it against the porch railing. Alex peers through the scope, but she needs to make a few adjustments before looking over at Ruby. “What? Seriously? I can?”

 

“Yeah, totally.” Ruby steps behind the scope, but looks a little unsure of herself. “Don’t think too much about it, just see what you can see.” That was the best way to learn, and Alex didn’t want to pressure Ruby by boring her to death with details, even if she was a bit of an astronomy buff.

 

“Kara and Alex loved looking at the stars when they were younger. Sometimes they’d stay up all night studying the sky.” Mostly, that was all because of Kara’s nightmares. In order to ground her, Alex would remind her that there’s an entire universe of possibility out there.

 

“That’s cute.” Alex rolls her eyes, and grabs another cookie. “We’re sorry to drop in on you like this.” Sam and Eliza sit side by side on a two person chair. Shoulder to shoulder like that, they look like they’ve known each other for years.

 

“Nonsense.” Eliza waves Sam off. “I just hope Alex didn’t drive too fast.” Eliza looks at Alex pointedly.

 

“No, she was safe, I swear.” Sam sneaks a glance Alex’s way, like she can vaguely remember just how embarrassing mothers can be, or at least that she knows that she can be the same way when it comes to Ruby. “You have such an amazing house.”

 

“It was smaller when Alex was growing up.” Eliza points to the gazebo, and then out to the dock. “We didn’t have all this extra stuff. But then we got far too ambitious with add ons, and well...here we are.”

 

“I lived in a lot of different houses when I was young, when we finally settled it was in a house at the end of a cul-de-sac. It was the worst.” Ruby turns and faces Sam, and Alex notices. Sam never talks about her past, or at least most of the stories start with the moment she was kicked out of her house, never before. “How do you manage taking care of everything.”

 

“Oh I get help from neighbors and friends. I could never manage it all on my own.” Alex props her leg up on a chair.

 

“Please don’t make me cut the grass.” Alex says with a sigh.

 

“Oh, no, honey. Dillon does that.” Alex’s eyes practically fall out of her head. “Don’t make that face, he’s a nice kid.”

 

“He’s like...forty! Why the hell is he hanging around here?” Dillon used to be Alex’s friend. Well, in the sense that he latched onto her and her brain for most of high school. He was nice enough, but Alex had been pretty determined to leave the past behind, Dillon included.

 

“He’s not forty, he’s your age, and you know it.” Eliza flicks Alex’s ear playfully. “His parents don’t treat him very well, so sometimes he comes over to help out.” Alex did remember a few instances when social workers were hanging out around school. She never really asked Dillon about it, but his father was a dick and everyone knew it. “Oh! And you guys are here at the perfect time, I’ve been canning. That you can help with.” Alex slumps into her seat.

 

“Sounds fun.” Sam looks so sincere, that Alex has to be reminded to fix her attitude before Eliza makes a comment about it. “So, Ms. Danvers, what do you do?”

 

“I’m a bio-engineer. Well, _was_. I try and stay out of labs as much as possible, strictly consulting.” Eliza looks genuinely happy about that, and that makes Alex feel good. She knows that it’s difficult to lay down your passions, but Eliza was so much better for it.

 

“Wow, your family is brilliant.” Sam sounds like she can’t believe how nerdy they all are, but considering she’s friends with Lena, it’s probably more annoyance that she has to hang around a bunch of science buffs.

 

“You’re a CFO, Sam, like seriously. You’re brilliant too.” Ruby yawns, and Sam sits up a little in her seat. She clearly is about to go into some who thing about how business isn’t exactly the same as science, but Alex is hopeful that she’ll just take the compliment and run with it. “Tired?”

 

“Sorta.” Ruby looks sheepish, afraid that she’s ruining the rhythm of the conversation going on around her.

 

“Let’s get you to bed, then.” Sam stands, and Alex does too like they’re in fucking Victorian England or something. Alex covers her awkwardness by folding up the telescope, and returning it to its’ bag, as Eliza works on packing up the remaining cookies. “Alex?”

 

“Yeah.” Alex looks over her shoulder and sees that Ruby is leaning against Sam’s hip looking like the cutest little sleepyhead in the world.

 

“Ruby wants to check out your town tomorrow. Maybe we could get things to make breakfast, or something?”

 

“Great idea.” Alex quits fussing with the bag, and slings it over her shoulder. “I’ll show you where everything is. Mom?” Eliza looks up from the tray of cookies. “You okay taking that in?”

 

“I got it. Go on. Don’t forget that the towels are in the closet in the hallway.” Alex hasn’t forgotten. By the time they actually make it upstairs, Ruby is basically asleep, and Sam helps get her daughter into her pajamas.

 

“My room is just down the hall, if you need anything.” Sam nods, and Alex heads into her and Kara’s room. It’s spotless like the rest of the house, except that Alex and Kara’s beds aren’t made. They’d probably forgotten the last time they were there, and Alex has a theory that Eliza leaves it like that on purpose. It’s almost like keeping the car warm while you wait for someone to return.

 

Alex takes off her shirt and pants, and grabs a torn pair of joggers to throw on. Just as she’s about to slip under the covers, there’s a knock at the door. “Come in.” Alex is pretty sure it’s going to be Eliza, but it’s Sam. Snuggled up in matching top and bottom unicorn pajamas, Sam could not look cuter than she does right now. “Laugh it up. Ruby got us matching pjs, whatever.” Sam leans against the threshold of the door, a playful smile dancing on her lips.

 

“No. No, I love them.” Alex thinks of throwing back on a shirt, but a sports bra will do, and even if she’s bashful, she could never look as funny as Sam does, so there’s that. “What’s up?”

 

“Okay...you’re going to think I’m weird.”

 

“I already do, so what?” Sam blushes. “Sorry, that was me being playful.”

 

“I know.” Sam keeps looking over at the window, to the point that Alex does to. “This room points toward the ocean. And I…” Sam clears her throat. Whatever she’s trying to say, it keeps catching her off guard. “My dad was in the Navy. We moved a lot, mostly coast to coast. I had night terrors, but my dad...he’d hold me, and rock me to sleep.” Sam runs her fingers through her hair. “I don’t remember his face. Or his voice. I just remember the sounds of the ocean...so…”

 

“You can sleep in here.” Alex motions to Kara’s bed, which is closer to the window than Alex’s. “I don’t mind.”

 

“Thanks.” Sam sits on Kara’s bed like it’s sacred ground, and Alex jumps onto her own bed. “This feels like summer camp.”

 

“Would it help if we moved the beds together?” Alex can feel the smile on Sam’s lips even if the only light  in the room is the moon. “My mother would just love that. The first shady thing I’ve done in the house happens ten years after I move out.”

 

“That she knows of.”

 

“Yeah, that she knows of.” Alex rolls over, and sees that Sam is already looking at her from across the room. “I really was a decent kid. Outside of the drinking, there wasn’t much of a story to tell.”

 

“You’re cute when you’re lying.”

 

“So I made out a few times when Kara was at sleepovers. That’s not bad, it’s called ‘coming of age’.” Alex rolls onto her back again. “I snuck out a lot too, but that was really just to go swimming.”

 

“I’m gonna get so much dirt on you this trip, Lena’s gonna be jealous.”

 

“Yeah, well you can have it.” Alex looks up at the ceiling. Those glow in the dark stars are everywhere. She remembers putting them up because Kara was scared of the dark. Eliza helped her, but halfway through the project Eliza burst into tears. Alex remembers hugging her mom, and Eliza whispering so softly ‘Kara’s going to love this, you’re the best sister she could ask for’. Alex scoffed, and went back to putting up the stars, but she carries those words with her even to this day.

 

“I saw one of your tattoos.” Sam says after a long moment of silence. “On your hip. The arrow thingy…”

 

“Arrow thingy.” Alex laughs. “Yeah, that’s about right.”

 

“Well, what is it really?”

 

“Artemis.” Alex runs her fingers along the _arrow thingy_ , and trails the small moon border that’s beside it. “I used to have bad insomnia. I hated just sitting here and doing nothing, so I’d walk the beach. Or swim. Or take the boat out.” Alex shakes her head. “Kara caught me one time. The tide was high, it was probably way too dangerous, and I was drunk swimming out there.”

 

“Sounds terrifying.”

 

“Kara swam out and got me.” She flew actually, but Alex could leave that part out. “She told me that it was like the water was afraid to drown me or something. Like I could control it. Like I was the moon.”

 

“Artemis is a goddess, right?”

 

“Of the hunt. Of Nature, the moon too.” Alex glances over at Sam, and she can see Sam looking outside, at the waves crashing against the dock. “It sounds pretentious. Like I’m comparing myself to a god or something, but-.”

 

“No, no way.” Sam seems to be thinking through everything Alex has just told her. And it really does feel like summer camp. Oversharing to the point of second guessing herself, Alex desperately wishes that she’d just kept quiet. “Artemis. Yeah, I like that.”

 

* * *

 

 

Eliza wakes up before everyone, which doesn’t surprise Alex at all. Coffee is set in front of her, along with a kiss on her forehead, before Eliza starts tugging on her boots. “Why are you bouncing around the house like a rabbit?” Eliza tosses her gardening gloves at Alex’s face, and Alex’s five AM reflexes are uncharacteristically bad.

 

“I am not bouncing. I’m gardening.” Eliza points to the supplies that are neatly laid out on the table. “I thought I’d stay out of your way this morning, and let you take Ruby and Sam into town on your own.”

 

“That’s nice, and...unexpected. You always try and make people go to Bailey’s, or the wind tunnel. Or at least to Parker’s for a pie, what’s gotten into you?”

 

“I have a hobby, sue me.” Alex smiles. “Plus, I have an afternoon of fun planned for Ruby.” Of course she does. “I promise not to overdo it, but canning is actually kind of cool.”

 

“Right.” Alex takes a drink of the coffee that Eliza made her. “What the hell? Why is this so good?”

 

“I get special blends.” Eliza gathers up her things, and grabs her gardening gloves off the ground. “Oh, and...there’s a farmers market today. Lots of hip stands if you’re interested. I’d love it if you got some honey, and whatever grains you’d like, but beyond that you can grab whatever.” Alex barely hears the last part as Eliza makes her way out of the front door, and down the porch. It’s a safe bet that Alex won’t see her mom for another couple of hours, and instead of trying to intrude on her mother’s relaxation time, Alex decides to walk the beach for awhile.

 

With her mug in hand, bracing against the California autumn breeze, Alex has forgotten how much she loves this spot. Sandy toes mostly meant mischief for her, but the boat that is currently docked gave Alex something to work toward. She had to get her boating license, she had to learn about sails, and docking, and safety regulations. Though she and Kara were fairly content with ignoring the rules at sea, and were thankful that Jeremiah bought a motor powered boat so that could take it out on the water without having to think so much.

 

 _The Chain_.

 

Alex had named it. Not right away, actually, but much later, a year later. She was especially angsty that summer, and Fleetwood Mac was just about the only thing that could balance out her mood. _Damn your love, damn your lies_. She felt those words like an avalanche back then. She could still feel those words today.

 

“Good morning!” Alex jolts from her thoughts, and turns to see a very eager looking Ruby jogging towards her.

 

“Hey, where’s Sam?”

 

“Chugging coffee, I think. She says it’s way too early to be up and about, she’s not exactly a morning person.” Ruby kicks off her sandals, and quickly gets in stride with Alex. “Was it weird sleeping with my mom?” Alex chokes on air, and Ruby burst out laughing. “I didn’t mean it like _that_ , ew.”

 

“It wasn’t weird, just weird that Kara wasn’t there snoring like a chainsaw.” Ruby nods, but Alex can tell that the ocean is distracting for her. “How’d you sleep?”

 

“Great. Thanks for letting us come here.” Ruby startles when she hears a voice calling for them from the house. They start back towards Sam, and Alex smiles when she sees that Sam wasn’t exactly shy about using her permission to raid the closet for clothes if she needed it. She’s wearing black leggings, and one of Alex’s Wash U sweaters. “Sweet, so we should go to the market pronto. I looked it up and they have a kettle popcorn stand, and apparently they run out fast.”

 

“What’s with kids and their phones? Jesus, are there no surprises left in the world for you guys?”

 

“Careful, Alex, your old is showing.” Ruby hunches over and pretends like she’s walking with a cane. Alex rolls her eyes, but laughs when Ruby nearly tumbles back down the hill because of her antics. “Whoops.” Sam is twirling the car keys around her finger when they catch up to her, and she looks well rested. And something about seeing Sam in casual clothes is comforting.

 

“Hey, your mom handed me a list.” Sam hands Alex a sticky note and the keys. “Also it’s seven in the morning, how are you two even functional?”

 

“Popcorn.” Ruby says, already latching onto Sam and pulling her toward J’onn’s car.

 

“Popcorn? You had popcorn?” Sam asks.

 

“No, but we will. Right, Alex?”

 

“Apparently.” Alex shrugs, she’s certainly not going to say no to popcorn anytime soon. “Nice sweater.” Alex nods to Sam, who blushes in response.

 

“It was cold.”

 

“I don’t mind.” Alex gets into the car first, and Ruby muscles her way into the front seat, leaving Sam to slum it in the back. Ruby is a horrible 7 am radio operator, but at least when they make it into town, they’re all very much awake thanks to Carly Rae Jepsen. _Carly Bae Jepsen_ , actually, according to Ruby at least.

 

Public Square is exactly how she remembered it. A tall archaic looking statue honoring World War soldiers sits in the middle of a large park - which was mostly for dogs and throwing frisbees around. Today, it was set up with stands and tents, from produce to smoothies, it was colorful and vibrant, even this early.

 

Fear bubbled up in Alex’s stomach. She really wasn’t prepared for actually seeing anyone. Usually when she came home she only went out if she absolutely had to, but she really hadn’t been recognized in about seven years out here. She had to quell those fears, because Ruby was swinging around a reusable bag, and leading the way from stand to stand, never once acting shy about interacting with new people.

 

At some point Alex just hands Ruby the list, and she goes off and starts gathering what they need without so much as a complaint. “I wish she’d do that when we go shopping.”

 

“The market gets people hyped up for some reason.” Alex nods over to the popcorn stand. “Ruby’s probably tried a bunch of samples already, but let’s give it a try.” Sam follows Alex to the stand, and they hover for a while, each scanning what seems like hundreds of flavors. “Peanut brittle is a winner in my mind.”

 

“Want a sample?” The beanie wearing owner says with a smile.

 

“Sure.” He dishes out two samples for Alex and Sam, and Alex is in love after half a bite.

“Shit, this is good. But there’s a cayenne white cheddar one too.” Sam says with a pout. pouts, and Alex opens her mouth to explain that Sam is definitely not allowed to use a face that cute to persuade her, when someone taps her on the shoulder.

 

It’s Vicky.

 

How could it not be? And what the fuck is with Alex running into people she doesn’t want to see everywhere she goes?

 

“Alex? Wow…” Vicky’s eyes go wide, like she wasn’t certain that she was running into the right person. “You’re back? Are you back? Or just...visiting?”

 

“Visiting.”

 

“Good ol’ Lizzie, huh?” Alex grinded her teeth for a moment before motioning between Sam and Vicky.

 

“Sam, this is a high school friend of mine, Vicky.” _Friend_ was a strong word, it was also tame considering the things they shared, the things they did.

 

“Nice to meet you.” Vicky says, and Alex can tell she doesn’t quite mean it. “Alex...you’re um...you’re not seriously still…” Her eyes shift between Alex and Sam, and Alex quickly catches on to what she means.

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Sam butts in, glaring at Vicky. “What she is or isn’t is certainly not your business.”

 

“It’s fine-.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Vicky bites her tongue for a moment. “I should go.”

 

“Yeah, bye.” Sam glares Vicky to death until she finally leaves. Alex has to grab onto Sam’s wrist to bring her back to the land of the living. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

 

“It’s cool.”

 

“I just...she shouldn’t be allowed to make you feel that way when you come home. It’s not fair.” They were two people who were well versed in unfair, but it still felt nice to have people stick up for her. So Alex lets them get a mix of cayenne white cheddar and peanut butter brittle, and Ruby begs them to let her get her own, which they both agree to do.

 

It’s odd that somehow Alex is looped into their decisions, but she is, and Ruby is especially thrilled about that fact when Alex thinks it's a great idea to take Ruby out on the boat sometime soon. Sam suggests that they go back sooner rather than later when Eliza texts about pancakes, and they find themselves back at the house hit with the aroma of maple syrup and fruit as they step back into the house.

 

Ruby takes the groceries over to Eliza who is humming Billie Holiday’s _I’ll Be Seeing You_ as it plays on the record player in the living room. Sam is quick to jump in to help, but Alex just takes a spot on the island knowing full well that Eliza takes her kitchen time very seriously.

 

Though this time Eliza does let Ruby help create goofy pancake designs, Sam and Alex find themselves banished to the living room to wait for the food to be ready. When they enter the room there’s a man bending over and peering at the record collection. Sam promptly screams, and Alex readies herself for a fight. “Who the hell are you?”

 

The commotion causes Ruby and Eliza to rush into the room. “Alex, it’s just Mason.” Eliza grabs the back of Alex’s shirt like she’s a six year old being held back from grabbing another cookie out of a jar, not a trained agent. “Stand down.” Eliza orders with a laugh.

 

Mason finally manages to face them fully, and Alex sees that Mason is a rather sweet looking old dude. Not _old_ , Eliza would kill her for using that word to describe her age group. “I’m sorry for startling you, just swooped by for my usual Wednesday delivery.” Mason motions to the couch where there’s a brown paper bag marked _Eliza_.

 

“I don’t know, sounds shady.” Ruby says, crossing her arms over her chest, and hiding behind Alex. “What’s in the bag, mister?”

 

“Alex, have you been training this sweet child to be as suspicious as you are?” Eliza walks over and scoops up the bag.

 

“No, that’d be me. Sorry.” Sam pinches Ruby’s side.

 

“It’s coffee.” Eliza tells them.

 

“Oh, right. The blends.” Alex can actually smell the beans, she’s impressed. “Sorry about that.”

 

“Don’t sweat it.” Mason’s smile is warm, and it’s sincere. Ruby sneaks out from around Alex. “This must be your oldest. Alex, right?”

 

“Yeah…” Alex is seriously confused about why this coffee guy knows about her, but Eliza looks on encouragingly. “And this is Sam, and her daughter Ruby.”

 

“It’s a pleasure.” He does a little bow that Kara would think is hilarious, but Alex mostly just has more and more questions.

 

“Join us for breakfast.” Eliza says, and it’s final. Everybody makes their way back into the kitchen, and Alex lingers back with Sam. Pancakes are thrown on plates, half blueberry and half chocolate chip, there’s enough peach and strawberry sauce to go around as well as syrup and whip cream too. Eliza has gone all out, and even if Alex is very weary of Mason still, she manages to ignore her paranoia for the sake of abso-fucking-lutely throwing down with Ruby.

 

Sam keeps count, and Mason takes breaks between singing songs and cheering them on, and it is so much fun. Alex learns a ton about this weird guy who she’s never met. Namely that he’s a retired fisherman, and that he takes trips to Mexico to get his beans and has pretty big buyers in National City - especially hipsters - which helps keep his business alive. _He doesn’t keep the money_ , Eliza jumps in as if a D.E.O. Agent and a CFO of a multibillion dollar company are anti-capitalists or something. “The money goes back into those communities for agriculture, just think of me as the driver.” He’s humble, and is good at making things funny and charming. Alex actually likes him, which she knows Eliza notices, and it really does start to feel like this whole thing was a set up.

 

After they clean up, Mason goes off on his merry way asking them to go on his website and rate the new blend if they have time. “Eliza helped me set up the website.” Because of course she did. Ruby gives him a thumbs up, and is already writing a detailed review about how robust the coffee is, and how it really gives her a kick in the morning.

 

“You don’t even drink coffee, goober.” Sam says as she looks over Ruby’s shoulders at her phone.

 

“Yeah, but he was cool.” They don’t hassle Ruby too much, and before they know it they’re being thrown into another task. Alex helps prepare all the jars, but steers clear of any cooking for the sake of everyone present. Sam is certain that Ruby will quickly tire of the work, but she’s really getting into it, and asking so many questions too. Eliza is loving it, and Alex and Sam decide it’s best that they just make their way outside and give them some time by themselves. “Your mom is so ready to be a grandma.” Sam says as they trek to the gazebo. “It was nice to see how excited Ruby was. She deserves some grandma time too, even if it’s not real.”

 

“Ruby’s great to have here. Usually, I’m just laying around being unenthusiastic about everything, while Kara treats the days like it’s Christmas.” They make it to the gazebo, and Sam perches up on one of the too-big chairs, while Alex lounges on the couch. She never realize how many lounge areas they had before now. Probably because she was too busy jumping from room to room so fast, that she never really took the time to see much of anything.

 

Alex watches Sam. For a self proclaimed “City Girl”, Sam sure was enjoying being out here in this tiny little beach town. “You okay?”

 

Sam doesn’t answer right away. Her hands are wrapped around a mug of Mason’s coffee, but her eyes keep finding the water. “I fucking missed moderate, Alex.” Sam looks over at Alex, like she’s asking her permission. Permission to be vulnerable. Permission to share her fears and hopes and wishes with Alex. And Alex grants it to her. She always will. Because despite every little thing that has gone wrong in their lives, they are dangerously close to being free of it.

 

One look and Sam knows it. She knows that Alex will be right there for Ruby. Ordering Supergirl to come help out, and arranging everything so that Sam doesn’t even have to think, all she has to do is breathe, and keep going.

 

Something comes to Alex’s mind. Those words. _It works if you work it_. She’d said it as a joke on the night they met, but now she really means it. What the fuck was perfect to them? High expectations from parents who didn’t understand them. From people who threw things at them thinking they could handle it all, meanwhile they were diluting life so much that simple things like one look can mean everything to them now.

 

“I did try, Alex. I really did, but when I wanted to drag my way back, my anchor wasn’t where I left it.” Sam is telling Alex something important, but Alex feels like she’s missing it. “Still here, though. Still fighting, though.” Sam laughs it off, like that wave of emotion was just a glitch in her system. Like she had to get back to casual, or she would accidentally let everything come pouring out.

 

“Always fighting. Always here. Yeah, me too.”

 

* * *

 

 

That night, after they finish canning, and their failed attempt at making a pie that will satisfy everyone’s sweet and savory needs, Alex feels a weight sink onto her bed. She keeps her eyes closed, but she knows someone’s there. She smells peach, and she knows it’s Sam. It must be four in the morning, or maybe earlier, Alex isn’t sure. She feels fingers graze her cheek, and comb through her hair. “Alex?”

 

Alex doesn’t open her eyes right away, because Sam feels good and she’s gentle, and it’s hard to let something as nice as this stop. But eventually, she opens her eyes, and sees that Sam has towels piled up on her lap, and a flashlight sitting on top. “Sam? What are you doing?”

 

“Can we go swimming?” Alex doesn’t remember even saying yes. She just knows that the sand is cold at night, but not nearly as cold as the water is going to be. Sam has a fierce look of determination as they walk closer to the water, the tide breathing in and out like the lungs of nature. Sam plops the towels down in the sand, her fingers revitalized with the task of unbuttoning her pajamas.

 

It’s not until Sam’s top falls to the ground that Alex registers that Sam isn’t wearing a suit, or a bra. She’s just out here, standing with her back to Alex staring at the ocean like she’s in a trance. “Holy shit, you’re serious?”

 

“Did you think I wasn’t?” Sam looks over her shoulder at Alex, mischief written all over her face. God, she’s so fucking beautiful, Alex could just die.

 

“It’s cold out there. Might be a little much for a delicate flower like yourself.” Sam flings her pants at Alex. Alex catches them, and tosses them aside. Her eyes can’t stop looking at Sam. Naked and in the moonlight, Sam starts backtracking toward the water.

 

“Stop staring, and join me.” Alex yanks off her shirt, and then her pants. It takes Alex a second to feel comfortable in her own skin, even after Maggie, and Alex tumbled into bed with whoever was at the bar that night, they’d always kept the lights off. Alex didn’t want to see them, not really at least, but now she loved seeing Sam.

 

She loved being seen.

 

“Stick by me, okay?” Alex pressed her toes against the wet sand, and Sam does the same. “Don’t be afraid. I’m right here.” They start walking forward, together. Sam squeals as the waves crash against her knees, but they keep going. Alex is the first to dive in, and when she comes back up she can see that Sam is treading beside her. “Holy shit, I don’t remember it being this cold.” Sam laughs, and keeps swimming further out.

 

“I get it now.”

 

“Get what?”

 

“Why you’d do this when you were younger.” Sam dunks her head into the water, and then reemerges with a smile. “I feel free.”

 

They finally do make it back to shore. Sam says that her toes feel tingly, and she’s also terrified of getting caught by Eliza - who is a notoriously early riser. Wrapped up in towels, and peeling some tangerines that Sam stuck in the bundle before they came out here, the pair lay down on the sandy shore. “Thanks for coming out here with me.” Sam ties her hair up in a bun, and looks over at Alex.

 

“I wouldn’t let you do it alone.”

 

“Yeah, I’m starting to get that.” Sam sticks a tangerine segment into her mouth. “It’s kind of ridiculous.” Sam rests her hand against her collarbone, and Alex’s eyes trail all over Sam’s exposed skin. The sun isn’t quite out yet, but it’s coming, and Alex imagines that Sam will look even more stunning in warm light.

 

“What’s ridiculous? Me?”

 

“No. Me.” Sam sets the peel down on the sand, and leans back on her elbows. “How much I like being around you. How much I want to touch you. I’ve never felt that way. Crushes, sure, but never…” Sam must not realize it, but she’s wrapped her arm around Alex’s neck, and pulled her so close that Alex can taste Sam’s lips. Peach and saltwater mixes and forms a burning sensation in Alex’s chest.

 

This time Alex kisses Sam because she’s afraid that if they let the moment get away then they’ll never find it again. Sam’s lips are warm and Alex feels dizzy because they keep pulling back and colliding together again. Sam deepens the kiss, wanting more and more of Alex, and Alex gives. She isn’t certain that she’d know how to not give herself fully to Sam at this point anyway. Sam’s tongue is soft, exploring just how much Alex really will give to her, Sam’s teeth nibble at Alex’s lips, like she’s asking permission to be reckless. Alex bites back, not hard, but playfully, and Sam smiles against her lips, tasting and nibbling until neither of them are more than just their mouths and the tangerine juice that they’re trading between them.

 

But it’s Alex who finally pulls back.

 

They stare at each other, deep in thought until Alex cracks a smile, and Sam can’t help but do they same. They’re giddy. Stupidly giddy, and it feels perfect. They’re laughing too, because deep down they know that they’ve been leading up to this since the day they met. _What took them so long?_

 

Sam takes a deep breath in between laughing and holding Alex’s hand, and looks over at Alex again. “Wow, that was nice.”

 

“Just nice?”

 

“Yes.” But Alex knows it’s more. Sam does too. They know they’re in love now. They haven’t said the words, they might not ever say them, but their lips spoke it for them anyway. “Very nice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely hope you all enjoyed this one. Happy holidays, and feel free to chat with me here or on tumblr. I'm also making a playlist of all the songs that helped me write these next three chapters in particular, so if you have some mood music for this fic, let me know!
> 
> Of all the characters on Supergirl, who do you think got in the most trouble as a kid? (I have like 6 answers for this one, but I'm curious what you all think)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a wonderful holiday, and are getting back into the swing of things alright!
> 
> 1\. Go to my ko-fi page to check out the playlist and the "missing scene" if you haven't read it already: ko-fi.com/team_science_mega_nerds
> 
> 2\. You all are wonderful, and incredibly kind and generous. I went to Starbucks on my break and got to get my puppy a Puppuccinos so he was a happy little guy
> 
> 3\. How did I go from 5,000 word chapters to 7,000? Like...that's truly wild.

Lena shows up that morning. After Sam and Alex snuck back into the house, and put on actual clothes, they were lazing around the kitchen or flipping through Eliza’s records, and listening to old stories about the 70s that Eliza seemed to never run out of when they heard a knock at the door. If Ruby had been up, she’d probably be the one running to the door, but instead Alex slid out of her chair, and opened it. “Why didn’t you ask me to cat-sit?” Lena bypasses Alex, and storms into the house with a frown. She’s dressed like a _Forbes_ 30 under 30 billionaire - which she is - but she looks so hilarious in comparison to Alex’s casual t-shirt and jeans that she has to laugh. “Oh, so it’s funny that I don’t get to spend time with my niece?”

 

“Lena, relax, will you?” Alex rests her hands on Lena’s shoulders. “You drove all the way out here just to say that?”

 

“I flew.” Lena corrects, as she walks over and takes a seat on the couch.

  
“Flew? Like...a plane-.”

 

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous. I have a helicopter.” Lena motions somewhere outside, and Alex can only assume that the helicopter is in a field not far off from there if Lena’s heels are any indication. “Can I just say that I resent you choosing Lucy to take care of Xena over me. If it’s a battle of the L’s then you know I should win.”

 

“L’s as in lesbians?” Eliza walks in just as Alex says that, and gives her an incredulous look. It isn’t so much that Eliza is modest, but more that she doesn’t like when Alex isn’t, but her disapproving look is one of utter surprise when she sees Lena sitting there.

 

Lena has obviously been well trained in matters of social interaction, but it’s clear - at least to Alex - that she looks mortified by Eliza’s presence. Not just because they’ve never met, but also because this is a new person who knows Lena’s family and history, and Lena doesn’t quite know how Eliza feels about it. Lena looks so scared that Alex actually wonders if Lena even registers where they are. “Well, isn’t this a lovely surprise.” Lena jolts to her feet, holding out her hand like they’re all just about to begin their business meeting. Alex would laugh if she wasn’t so acutely aware of Lena’s insecurities, so she just remains silent as Lena and Eliza awkwardly shake hands.

 

“I’m sorry to be showing up like this, I just...I wanted to talk to Alex and Sam.” As if on cue, Sam pops her head out from the kitchen, and arches a brow Lena’s way. “Sam’s my CFO, and best friend, and I wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

 

“Lena, you didn’t have to.” Sam looks a bit caught off guard, and maybe embarrassed. The last time she’d seen Lena she was telling her to fuck off, and taking uncharacteristic digs at Lena’s family.

 

“Well, whatever the circumstances, you’re welcome to hang out with us. I’m making a big breakfast, but I’ll be sure to add in some kale and tofu for you.” Eliza is taking all of this in stride, which is a blessing of course for all of them.

 

“How do you know that I like tofu and kale?”

 

“Kara told me. She talks about you a lot.” Both Sam and Alex bite their tongues to keep from laughing, and Lena gives them each an equally terrifying warning glare before following Eliza into the kitchen.

 

“This is crazy.” Sam stage whispers to Alex across the room, and Alex just smiles, and shakes her head. What about the last few months hadn’t been crazy? What about last night hadn’t been crazy? Sam seems to be thinking the same thing, because they keep looking between each other sheepishly, like they hadn’t seen each other naked just a few hours ago. Like they hadn’t kissed on the beach as the sun awoke. Like they hadn’t tiptoed through the door and up the stairs, being careful not to look too much at the other’s body as they got dressed.

 

It was something unspoken. _If we don’t talk about this, then we can live in those glances_. And they could. The heat between them was captivating, and neither of them wanted it to end. “She flew her helicopter.” Sam rolls her eyes, and Alex returns her attention to the records. She should give Eliza some time alone with Lena, because when Kara inevitably reveals her identity while simultaneously proposing to Lena, it might ease Eliza’s mind knowing she’d at least met Lena once. Sam kneels beside Alex, and flips through a few albums with her.

 

“So...about this morning…”

 

“Sam, it’s okay. I know there were a lot of emotions there, you don’t have to explain things to me. I get it.”

 

“You’re acting like I don’t want something to happen between us. Like I don’t think about you all the time.” Sam stops fussing with the records, and looks at Alex fully now. “Because I do. Because seriously how could I not think about someone as wonderful and caring and beautiful as you. But...we can’t.” Sam takes a deep breath. “Recovery has rules, and we should follow them.”

 

“I know. And I’m willing to follow them, I swear.” And Alex is. She knows relationships should wait until at least a year into sobriety. And the pair hardly had a month and change between them. “So, which album should we play next?” Sam seems content with the subject change, and it’s not that Alex doesn’t want to talk about what’s going on between them, it’s just that she hasn’t had enough sleep, and she doesn’t want to put herself out there too much without thinking.

 

“Oh, this one for sure!” Sam grins from ear to ear, and starts playing the record, and literally ten seconds after it starts Ruby sprints down the stairs.

 

“Mom! You cannot be seriously playing Christmas music this early. It’s not even Thanksgiving yet!”

 

“I knew that would wake her up.” Sam gets to her feet, and wraps Ruby up into a hug, grabbing her hands and waltzing around the room. Ruby is all left feet this early in the morning, but she lets Sam lead her around the room like a puppet. Lena pokes her head into the room, and trades smiles with Alex who definitely thinks that this is the most endearing thing she’s ever seen.

 

“Aunt Lena!” Ruby launches herself into Lena’s arms, and Lena catches her with a _humph_. “I didn’t know you were here.”

 

“Surprise.” Lena says, still trying to get balanced. “I take it you’re enjoying your vacation.”

 

“Lena we canned fruit, it was aweeesssooommmmeee!” Alex hopes that Eliza can hear them from the kitchen because she will definitely ask to have Ruby back. “You’re staying for a little bit, right? Alex is taking us on her boat.”

 

“I am?"

 

“She is?” Lena questions looking over at Sam to see what she should say. The adults glance between each other for a moment before Sam gives it the okay.

 

“We are then.” Alex claps her hands together, feeling the nervous energy that the water always evokes in her. “But everyone should get some food first.” Alex nods to the kitchen. Lena almost follows Ruby, but instead she turns to Alex.

 

“Wait, you know I’m not going on a boat, right?”

 

“Relax. What’s a helicopter to a boat? Come on, it’ll be fun.” Lena doesn’t look so sure, but Alex knows that between her and Sam, Lena will end up on that boat no matter what. “I’ll even let you drive it, you insufferable control freak.” That gets a smile out of Lena, and she looks a little proud that Alex isn’t holding back on the banter.

 

“Did you two already go out there?”

 

“Out where?” Sam treks back to the record player, and trades Christmas music for some old 70s pop.

 

“On the water.” Lena motions to her head. “Your hair is wet. Yours too.” Alex and Sam touch their hair, and Alex is certain that they look like they’ve been caught. Damn Lena, and her giant brain. “Oh, a little late night skinny dip, huh?”

 

“Shut up.” Sam says, but neither of them deny it. They all go into the kitchen where Eliza is showing Ruby old pictures of the boat, while they fill their plates with food. Lena gets her special made meal of boredom, while Alex and Sam pile their plates high.

 

Eliza sets a photo down on the table. It’s of Jeremiah, Kara, and Alex posing in front of the boat. Kara has bunny ears up behind Alex’s head, and Jeremiah looks like he’s about to say something. Probably,  _stop goofing off, and smile_. If only they actually considered how important these photos might be in the future, they might’ve cared more, or at least smiled for Eliza’s sake.

 

Life is dangerously short, Alex thinks. And it hurts her to see how obvious that is in those photos. “That’s your dad?” Ruby’s finger hovers near Jeremiah's head, and Alex nods. “He looks like you. Not like Kara really.”

 

“Kara’s adopted, sweetie.” Eliza studies the picture too. “Gosh, I remember that day. It was two days after Alex’s birthday, and Jeremiah had forgotten to buy life jackets, so he had to order those first before we went out on the water. He was like that sometimes, forgetful.” _Forgetful_ was the word that Eliza uses now, but back then it was more like _careless_ or _selfish_. Alex remembers, she could hear them yelling things at each other from her room. That was when her room was just hers, but when Kara moved in, Jeremiah and Eliza would go out to the gazebo to argue. They didn’t want to scare Kara.

 

Apparently, they didn’t care as much about scaring Alex.

 

“I remember it being really cold. Dad let us drive around for a little while before we decided to go below deck and drink hot chocolate. That’s when we found out how good Kara was at _Uno_ , remember?”

 

“She is so good at _Uno_ , she’s like a prodigy.” Lena interjects.

 

“It was the best birthday. Seriously, it was like...easy.” Alex continues eating.

 

“Did he die? Is that why you don’t really talk about him?” The room goes silent. Everyone with varying levels of knowledge about what really happened made the room feel heavy. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

 

“Ruby, it’s okay. He’s not dead…” Alex looks at Eliza. “I don’t think. He just hasn’t been around for awhile.” It was odd having a funeral for a man who Alex now knows is alive. It was fucking brutal, and terrifying, and Eliza and Kara were in such a state that Alex had to be the strong one. Drunk off her ass for most of it, but still strong.

 

“Sometimes it’s tough, not knowing can be really hard on a person.” Eliza was preaching to the goddamn choir, and even though they all had something to reckon with, they deciding that keeping Ruby happy and comfortable was the number one priority.

 

“Enough of the sad shi-...stuff, you ready to go?” Alex asks. Ruby stuffs one last piece of bacon into her mouth, before standing beside Alex. “Let’s go then.”

 

“Hold on just one moment.” Everyone stops near the door, turning to see Eliza standing there with her hands on her hips. “Lena, you will certainly not be going out there dressed like that. She’ll meet you on the dock in a few minutes.” Alex pats Lena’s back, and watches as Eliza goes into full on mother-mode, and wraps her arm around Lena’s shoulder, leading her upstairs.

 

By the time Sam, Ruby, and Alex get suited up - life jackets tightened, actual jackets tugged on, and a captain’s hat placed neatly on Ruby’s head - they get on the boat, and wait for Lena. National City’s richest person emerges from the house wearing jeans - which are Kara’s - a cable knit sweater - which is probably Kara’s - and a parka that has _K. Danvers_ embroidered on the back of it. Sam laughs, but Alex is kind enough to toss her a black beanie, before helping her onto the boat.

 

“They should put seatbelts on these things.” Lena says as they start _slowly_ cruising through the water. Ruby is perched beside Alex, eyeing the controls, while Sam and Lena sit side by side behind them. “Alex, you look so butch.”

 

“Thanks?” Alex looks over her shoulder just as Lena is whispering something in Sam’s ear. “You two together are trouble.”

 

“One time they got arrested.” Ruby tells Alex.

 

“No way.” Alex looks back at Sam and Lena who are both trying their best not to shut Ruby’s enthusiasm down. Sam looks embarrassed, Lena looks unnerved.

 

“Okay, arrested is so harsh.” Lena adds.

 

“Well, what else is it called if you get put in handcuffs and taken to jail?” Ruby skips over, and takes a seat in between Sam and Lena. “My mom threw a bottle at someone, and Lena punched some else.”

 

“To be fair these guys were being tools.” Lena’s excuse is charming. As if Alex hasn’t lost her cool on more than one occasion.

 

“And this was me sober, so be careful.” Sam laughs. “I’m a dangerous woman.”

 

“Aren’t we all,” Ruby says as she tugs on her captain’s hat, tighter, and raises her hand.

 

“Yes, Ruby?” Alex plays along.

 

“I’m ready to drive.” Sam looks appalled by the words, but only because it must make her feel old. Ruby rushes up to the steering wheel, but Alex has to stand right behind her to quell some of Ruby’s excitement and nerves. Alex knows that Ruby is putting on a brave face - because that’s what kids do when they’re uncertain, but desperate to prove themselves - so Alex places her hands on top of Ruby’s.

 

“Alright, so there’s nothing to it. This little nozzle is for speed, this is a steering wheel like in a car.” Alex guides Ruby’s hand on the gear, and they pick up speed a little bit. Alex can feel the jitters, and Ruby’s burgeoning energy. “But you don’t want to go too far, or too fast. This is a cruiser, so the key is to look cool and show off, so that’s why you stay close to the shore.” Ruby nods, while Lena clears her throat behind them.

 

“Are these the regulations of boating?”

 

“Pretty much.” Alex replies. “So, the thing is...mistakes happen. One time I took out like half the dock because I was going too fast coming in. This other time, Kara knocked me off the side of the boat, and she was so busy apologizing and freaking out that she forgot that she actually needed to get me out of the water.” Alex slowly brings her hands back, allowing Ruby to actually take control of the steering. “But we’re only human, the key is to trust yourself and your instincts, and things will be okay.” Ruby drives them around for a long time. Alex isn’t even sure that she recognizes that Alex isn’t hovering over her anymore, but she looks so natural running things that Alex starts to get this feeling in the pitch of her stomach.

 

She’s good with Ruby. They seem to get each other, and that makes Alex feel like she really can be the type of person she wants to be. The type of mother she might be someday. She’s deathly frightened of Sam retreating though. This back and forth that was going on was bound to change things somehow, but Alex hoped that it would never change the trust that seemed to be forming between all of them.

 

“Consider yourself my go to babysitter.” Sam whispers to Alex. “You’re incredible with her.”

 

On their way back to the dock, Alex takes over, but Lena hurls over the side when Alex picks up speed, so they inform Eliza that they’ll need a round two of breakfast for Lena. Sam helps take Lena back inside, and all Alex hears as they retreat is Lena saying, “I’m gonna start lifting so I can kick your ass.” Ruby covers her entire face with her sweater cackling away, but Alex has the decency to wait until Lena’s out of earshot before she starts laughing too.

 

Alex and Ruby decide to stay out on the beach. Flinging off their shoes, and walking just at the edge of the water’s reach. “That was so much fun.” Alex smiles, she likes the way Ruby seems to hop around like a little bunny when her body can’t seem to contain her joy. “Maggie is stupid.” That catches Alex way off guard.   


“What?”

 

“You’re so cool. You ride a motorcycle, and you know how to steer a boat, and you’re funny. Oh, and you can kick a soccer ball really hard.”

 

“Thanks, Rubes, if I ever need someone to write my dating profile, I’ll call you up.” Alex digs her toes into the sand, and Ruby does the same.

 

“You don’t need that.” Ruby looks down at the ground. “I mean, you and my mom are like totally dating, right?”

 

“Uh...Ruby. No, we’re not.”

 

“But you...my mom never lets new people hang around. And she keeps letting me do whatever school activities I want because she’s trying to spend time with you.” That’s certainly news to Alex, but she doesn’t say so.

 

“This is a really tough time for Sam-.”

 

“She’s not messed up. She’s not crazy-.”

 

“Ruby.” Alex reaches out and grabs the younger girl’s hand. “What makes you say those things? Did someone say that about Sam?”

 

“Her old ‘friends’ would say that.” Ruby shakes her head. “But it’s not true, I swear.”

 

“I know.” Alex wraps her arm around Ruby’s shoulder. “I’ve known that since the day I met her. Ruby, I’m not like those other people. I’ll stick by your side no matter what.”

 

“A lot of people have said that.”

 

“Pinky promise, then.” Alex holds out her hand, but Ruby doesn’t do the same. “Okay, can I tell you a secret?”

 

“Sure…”

 

“Kara and I have time capsules.” Alex nods her head back toward the house. “They’re hidden under the floorboards. And Eliza doesn’t know about them. We pinky promised that every year we would come home, and put new letters or trinkets in them no matter what. And last year I was hospitalized, long story, but whatever. I made my boss drive me out here anyway, because I made a promise.” Alex holds up her pinky again. “I don’t break promises, especially when it comes to the people I care about.” Ruby ponders Alex’s words, and eventually she holds up her pinky too. They seal the deal with a smile.

 

“Can I have a time capsule too?”

 

“Sure-”

 

“Ow!” It takes Alex a second to register why Ruby yells, but it becomes very apparent a moment later when she spots the broken glass on the sand, and a piece jammed into Ruby’s foot. Alex scoops Ruby up quickly before she can step on anything else.

 

“You’re alright, I’ve got you.” Ruby is half in shock, half in pain, and it fucking scares the shit out of Alex. But she’s been on literal battlefields before, so Alex needs to get it together. “Dickheads leave bottles out there sometimes.” Alex realizes that her voice is coming out too forceful, and she gives Ruby a sympathetic smile. “You know how they have those pain charts at the doctor’s office? On a scale of howling in pain to obnoxious grinning, where are you at?”

 

“That one that’s kinda like…” Ruby grits her teeth. “Basically that.”

 

“I can work with that, then.” Alex runs up the hill and toward the house, thankful that she’d picked up her work out routine, otherwise this would be a lot harder. “Wanna freak my mom out?”

 

“In a fun way?”

 

“Yes, in a fun way.” Alex pushes the door open with her foot, and rushes Ruby into the kitchen where Sam, Lena and Eliza are shocked into sudden action.

 

“Oh my god, what happened?” Sam makes it to Ruby’s side, while Alex lays Ruby down on the kitchen table which is more of a decoration than functional these days.

 

“Glass in foot.” Ruby says as she chances a glance down to see the damage. It’s...bad, but not something that scared Alex all that much.

 

“Who wants to help me play doctor?” Alex asks.

 

“We can just go to a hospital.” Sam suggests.

 

“I’m trained like any other doctor, and I’m free. We’ve got plenty of equipment here, your call.”

 

“Let’s do it!” Ruby looks more relaxed and curious than in pain, so Sam just shrugs her shoulders, and nods for Alex to continue.

 

“Nurse Danvers reporting for duty.” Eliza says as she looks over Alex’s shoulder at the wound. “Looks like stitches, what do you think, Doc?”

 

“Definitely. Do you know where the supplies are, Nurse?”

 

“I’ve got it.” Eliza salutes Alex and jogs upstairs.

 

“Can I be the Chief Resident?” Lena asks, then she leans to stage whisper to Ruby, “that means I get paid the most, and have to do the least work.”

 

“Sounds hilariously similar to your job now.” Sam jokes, and Lena flicks Sam’s cheek. “Alright, I’ll be whoever the person who gets snacks is.”

 

“And I’ll be patient zero.” Ruby supplies just as Eliza reenters the room.

 

“Oh, I didn’t know we were having an outbreak too. Good thing I grabbed some masks.” Eliza hands the first aid kit to Alex, and they all wash their hands and sterilize the equipment for Ruby. Even Sam gets in on the fun, and wears a mask, but she closes her eyes while Alex stitches her daughter up.

 

What started out as a frightening thing, quickly turns into a fun little game, where everyone really gets into their role. Especially Lena who promptly fires Sam because she keeps trying to get everyone to try her cayenne white cheddar popcorn. Ruby is a fantastic and very brave patient, even though she winces and nearly breaks Eliza’s hand with her grip when needles start getting involved.

 

Alex bows when she’s completed the tasking _surgery_ , and while everyone is content to retreat to the living room and watch TV with Ruby, Alex receives a text halfway through a movie from Eliza.

 

[ELIZA]: Let’s go outside for a second.

 

It’s odd receiving a text from someone who is five feet away, but they both excuse themselves, and head outside nonetheless. They fall into stride easily, but it takes Eliza a while to actually say much of anything. “I shouldn’t have brought out those pictures.” Eliza hooks her thumbs in her belt loops, and glances over at Alex. “But...sometimes I like to remember things. Sometimes I like to watch home videos, and it felt nice not to be doing those things alone.” Eliza looks apologetic, and it hurts Alex to see her mother that way.

 

“It’s fine.”

 

“It’s not. You hate talking about him, I can tell.” Eliza knows Alex too well for her to be hiding behind pretense.  “I know he hurt us-.” Alex scoffs, and Eliza bites her tongue. “Don’t do that.”

 

“What?”

 

“Act like this is nothing to you.” Eliza grabs Alex’s wrist, and they stop running away from the house, and finally are forced to actually look at each other. “I tried my best with you and Kara-.”

 

“You shouldn’t have fucking had to!” Here it goes. Alex losing all the walls she built up, and falling back into old habits. “Fuck him, mom. I shouldn’t have to feel sorry or nostalgic about bullshit we make up about him. He lied. And that lie made us all into the things we’re not.”

 

“Is that why you started drinking?”

 

“I started drinking when I was thirteen.” Eliza’s shocked, Alex can tell that much, but she keeps going anyway. “Dad was just...he wasn’t good at all the in between stuff. He was either supportive or absent, and I...you’re a perfectionist, and I didn’t know who I was supposed to go to for things so I just…” Alex looks away from Eliza’s gaze. “Dad let me sneak a beer at Thanksgiving, but then I realized how much things didn’t seem so scary when I was drinking so I just kept going.”

 

“How could I not have noticed?”

 

“I was really good at hiding it. Until I wasn’t.” Alex doesn’t say any of this to make her mother feel bad, she just wants Eliza to know the truth for once. “Having a dead dad is one thing, okay. All this shit is different.”

 

“I should’ve been there for you. I was blindsided by Kara, and I thought that everything was okay with you. But I’m here now, please don’t shut me out.” Alex thinks about what Winn said to her. The thing about her hating change. He was right, Alex struggled to accept change, even when it came to those closest to her.

 

But Eliza had been perfect over these few days. She was strong, and welcoming, and so caring. Maybe their relationship didn’t have to be all silence and screaming. Maybe they needed a middle ground. It wasn’t fair of Alex to think that her father only hurt her, she did need to think about Kara and Eliza too. “No one ever tells you this, probably, but you have a beautiful fire in you.”

 

“I wish I knew what that meant.”

 

“It means that you will fight to the death for the things you believe in. For the people you love. Even as a child, I could see that. And I should’ve told you how incredible that was, instead of trying to mold you into someone who had an ‘easy life’ because that was never going to happen.” Eliza grabs hold of Alex, and wraps her up into a warm hug. “I get it, now. I know I’m twenty years too late, but I understand now. I was pressuring you to be normal, and I made you feel like anything that was different about you wasn’t okay. And I’m sorry. You’ll never know how sorry I am.” They stand there, holding each other for so long that they watch the sun set.

 

When they finally start walking back to the house, it feels like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. Eliza looks happy too, but nervous as she says, “Mason is more than a friend.” Alex never thought about Eliza dating, but that was a natural progression for her.

 

“That’s cool.”

 

“He’s nice, right?”

 

“Mom, he got a twelve year old writing his coffee a _Yelp_ review, he’s more than nice. I’m happy for you.” As they approach the house, Alex can see Sam sitting at the table with two mugs sitting in front of her.

 

“I’m happy for you too.” Eliza gets away with that little comment because Alex doesn’t have enough time to ask her what she means before she rushes back into the house to "give them some space". Sam smiles, and hands Alex a mug of tea.

 

“Lena is literally staying. She says that she has a billion fail safes in order for unexpected vacations a.k.a. assassination attempts, and I guess she doesn’t want to fly back in the dark.” Sam motions for Alex to sit down next to her, which Alex does.

 

“I assumed she had a driver. Flyer. Whatever.” Alex snaps her fingers. “A pilot.”

 

“Right, me too, but apparently she flew it alone.” Sam shakes her head. “I don’t know what I did to deserve this amazing support.”

 

“You’re awesome, Sam. You always deserve good things.” Alex takes a sip of her tea, but keeps the mug in her hands for warmth. “How’s Ruby?”

 

“Fierce, fearless, the usual.”

 

“She’s tough. I would’ve been crying my eyes out.” Alex looks over her shoulder and into the house. Lena, Ruby, and Eliza are laughing at something on the TV. “So, how do you feel?”

 

“Ready.” Sam glances over at Alex. “Which I never really do, but...I can do this. You and Lena won’t let anything bad happen to me.”

 

“That’s us. Fail safes, crutches, whatever you wanna call it.” Alex takes another gulp of tea, and then...she feels something in her mouth. Something round, and…flat. “Ew, what’s…” Alex pulls a coin out of her mouth. No, not a coin, an AA token.

 

“Was that too much? I felt cheesy when I was doing it.” Sam watches Alex study the one month sober token with a smile. “Well, I actually don’t care about being silly with you, so I’m sticking to my guns.”

 

“Thank you.” And what Alex really means is: _you are the most wonderful person I have ever met_.

 

“I’ll be getting mine soon enough, just you wait.” Sam reminds Alex. “We’ll start a collection.” Sam grins. “How’s that for two incredible fuck ups making it work?”

 

“Sounds pretty fantastic to me.”

 

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and hopefully I'll have the next chapter up soon (or not soon for you folks that are wishing that this fic would last forever).
> 
> Question of the week: if you were stranded in the middle of nowhere which of the Superfriends would you call to save you? (Or not save you, and just hang out with?)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments, notes, and copious amounts of coffee. Honestly, this is all coming at a really great time in my life, and you all warm my heart. 
> 
> Okay, so first things first. Folks who don't want to read smut skip on over to the first line break, and start reading there. Secondly, it's been awhile since I've written smut, so go easy on me. (sometimes it's difficult to put yourself out there like this)

The night is treacherous for Sam. She can feel the water in her bones, and it’s making her roll over so much that she thinks about wrapping the blankets around her shoulders tight enough to lock her in. But when she finally opens her eyes, she looks over and sees Alex sleeping just across the room. Alex’s breathing is soft, and Sam is almost jealous of how easy this seems to be for her. Sam tosses the blankets off her body, and walks over to Alex’s bed. She takes a seat, just like the night before, only now, Sam finds herself thinking.

 

Thinking about that kiss. Thinking about how much sheer willpower it took for Sam to stop kissing Alex. She was an idiot for saying that they shouldn’t be doing this. Because they should. Their bodies fit, their minds fit, what the hell was Sam doing trying to push Alex away?

 

Alex’s eyes flutter open, and she looks at Sam like she already knew she was there. It’s unnerving, how easy it is to slide under the covers with Alex. How warm Alex’s body feels against hers. Neither of them seem to second guess themselves, as they get wrapped up in each other’s arms.

 

Sam has wanted this for so many years. Not just a person to kiss, but someone she can feel safe with.  A few months ago, she would’ve never suspected that that person would be Alex, but it was. And she knows that half the reasons for trying to move things back to platonic are good. They’re both learning about themselves through recovery, they’re both trying to right their wrongs, and jumping into something that might crash and burn is a horrible idea.

 

Or it’s not.

 

“You can’t sleep?” Alex tucks Sam’s hair back behind her ear. Everything Alex does from now on will feel like this. Heightened intensity, smoldering gazes. Sam should go back to her bed, she should suck it up, and figure out a way to sleep.

 

But she doesn’t want to sleep. She wants to be kissing Alex again. She wants to be doing anything and everything with Alex. And she knows that Alex knows that, because Alex is looking at her, while her hands graze the buttons on Sam’s pjs. Alex has unbuttoned the bottom button by the time Sam thinks to actually say something. “No, you?”

 

“Should I be honest or not?”

 

“You should always be honest.” That makes Alex smile, but Alex’s hands continue to roam. Another button has been undone, and Sam somehow finds the willpower not to just throw her top off. “Wow, you’re very bold.”

 

“Should I not be?”

 

“We did have a very straight forward discussion.” Sam bites back a gasp, as Alex slips her hand under her shirt, leaving the faintest trail of touches, as Alex’s hand finally comes to rest on Sam’s hip.

 

“See, it’s confusing, with you being in my bed and all.” Alex pulls Sam closer to her, and now Sam really has to control her hormones, because Alex’s lips are far too close for her to _not_ kiss them. “I know there are rules. But can we pretend like those don’t exist? For like an hour, or probably more like two.”

 

“You’re very confident.”

 

“I have the right to be.” Their lips collide, and for the third time in as many days, Sam finds herself melting against Alex. This time, they’re more frantic. If they’ve only got an hour - or two - to feel this way, then they’re gonna feel it. “Let me prove it to you.” Alex’s hands find their way back to the buttons, and instead of slowly unbuttoning them like she was doing before, she just forgoes them, and pushes her hand under Sam’s shirt.

 

Sam should be embarrassed, she really should, but the moan that escapes her lips when Alex grazes her nipple is loud, and Alex likes it enough to keep doing it. Alex’s lips go to Sam’s neck, biting and sucking at her pulse point does insane things to Sam’s body. Mostly it just makes her want to pull Alex further on top of her, so she can have a better angle. Alex is a teaser, Sam catches onto that really quickly. She keeps rubbing her thumb over Sam’s nipples, pinching, and licking occasionally, but she never fully commits and it’s driving Sam crazy.

 

Sam has truly forgotten how to function by the time Alex’s mouth is finally on hers again. But Sam is reminded of her senses, when Alex straddles her hips, and takes off her own shirt. “What are you waiting for? Take that off.” Alex’s voice is laced with fire and lust, and Sam struggles to take her clothes off, as she watches Alex look down at her like _that_.

 

Alex is too good at multitasking. One second Sam is holding the back of Alex’s head, as Alex runs her tongue against her nipple, sucking and humming against her body every time Sam makes a noise. Things come out shaky, because Sam is trying to be quiet, but she’s terrible at it, and because Alex’s knee is pressed between her legs, rubbing against her clit every time she moves. Which is a lot.

 

“Oh my god, what…” Sam looks down, and Alex is looking back at her as she lifts up Sam’s hips, and tugs off her soaking wet underwear. Alex is so hot. She’s so in control, it’s almost comical in comparison to Sam’s frazzled mess of a state. Alex climbs her way back up Sam’s body, trailing kisses along her collarbone before she finally returns to Sam’s mouth. Tongues explore, but Sam is half trying to breathe, half wanting to drown in Alex, when she feels Alex run her finger down her folds, and gently circle her clit. “Oh fuck.” Sam closes her eyes, she can’t kiss Alex right now, because all she can think about is how good such a simple touch feels. She’s so wet, she can feel the stickiness on Alex’s thigh, as Alex guides Sam’s legs open wider.

 

“You sound so fucking hot.” Alex rubs her fingers against Sam’s entrance, and Sam can feel Alex’s eyes watching as she squeezes her eyes tighter, and grabs onto Alex’s arm.

 

“I’m not gonna last.” Sam says it as a precursor to the incredibly sad fact that she could feel her body reacting so fiercely every time Alex used her thumb to circle her clit while she teased at her entrance with her middle finger.

 

“Can I eat you out?” Sam nods because she doesn’t trust her voice to do anything but scream yes. She can feel Alex moving down her body, doing a fucking methodical tease, as she goes. And when Alex finally stops, Sam is nearly shocked into oblivion as Alex licks her way from her entrance to her clit. Alex is way too good at this, and when Alex starts pressing her tongue just enough so that she’s inside her, Sam has to cover her mouth as she cums.

 

Her legs shake so hard, that Alex grabs hold of them to keep Sam in place, and to keep Sam’s legs wide enough so that she’ll keep going. “Holy shit, oh my...GOD!” Sam’s hand flies to the back of Alex’s head, grabbing hold of her hair, and pushing Alex further against her body. Alex doesn’t stop moving her tongue in and out of Sam, except for the occasional wicked teasing, and the entire five minutes Alex spends sucking and rubbing her tongue against Sam’s clit.

 

Sam cums three more times. She notices pretty quickly that Alex loves when Sam grabs her hair, and she loves when Sam wraps her legs around Alex’s head. Alex is a pleaser, and she’s way too good at it. “Okay, I need you to…” Alex sits up, licking her lips, and wiping the wetness off her chin before sucking her fingers clean. It takes Sam another ten seconds to actually remember what she was trying to say. “I can’t move, I need a break.” Alex chuckles, so sweet and charming like she didn’t just fuck Sam to death. “Fuck.”

 

“I like the way you taste.” Alex kisses Sam again, gentler than before but with the same raw intensity that got them to this point.

 

“You’re too much.” Sam says with a laugh. “Can I…” Sam finds it harder to say the words than Alex had earlier. She has far less confidence, not just in her voice, but also in her abilities. Sam’s eyes travel to Alex’s shorts, and Alex seems to understand what Sam is saying. _Can I return the favor?_

 

Alex pulls off her shorts, and now they’re both fully naked, watching each other situate themselves on the bed again. Alex seems reluctant, but that was mostly Sam’s nerves thinking that. “Sorry.” Sam shakes her head, as she positions herself in between Alex’s legs. “It’s been awhile, I might…” _Be terrible at this_.

 

“It’s you, that’s all that matters.” Alex seems to know what she wants. Words like _right there_ and _just like that_ echo in the room, as Sam takes the time to learn about every touch that makes Alex moan. It takes longer for Alex to get there, mostly because Sam is stupidly curious about Alex’s body. She wants to know everything, she wants to feel everything, so she explores. Sam realizes as Alex arches her back, and bites her hand to keep herself from being too loud, that she is trying to tell Alex something.

 

She’s trying to say _you’re the one_ . She’s trying to say _let me show you how much you mean to me_. And Alex must know, she must understand that all those things Sam was saying about rules and waiting are born out of Sam’s fears. Valid fears, but still.

 

When Alex finally stops shaking, Sam climbs up her body, and finds a home in Alex’s arms. They lay there for what seems like eternity, but Alex finally manages to speak again. “That was all okay, right? I didn’t pressure you.”

 

“No, I wanted…” Sam looks up at Alex. “I didn’t know that that’s what sex is supposed to feel like. I never really...I faked things. I’ve didn’t know it could be so…”

 

“Yeah, I had my fair share of faking it too.” Alex runs her fingers through Sam’s hair. “You don’t have to run back to your bed. You don’t have to think yourself to death either. Just stay here, I’ve got you.” Sam realizes right then that she must have a horrible poker face, because Alex can read her like a book. But she’s happy to stay there, put off overthinking all this for tomorrow, because right now the only thing she can think about was Alex.

 

* * *

 

After breakfast, Alex, Ruby, and Eliza go out on the boat. They want to get some fresh air in before they drive back to National City. Lena is content with just hanging out on the porch, and Sam is perfectly happy joining her. “How’d you sleep?” Lena gives Sam such a knowing glance that it takes all of Sam’s strength not to hit her.

 

“Fine.”

 

“What about Alex?”

 

“Okay, I get it.” Sam sets down her mug of coffee, and leans back in her chair.

 

“Well, my room was next to yours to be fair.” Lena sets her mug down. “I assumed you’d be trying to keep your distance. _Sam’s Guide to Sobriety_ and all.”

 

“Well, my rules pretty much went to hell the moment I met Alex.” Sam lets out a sigh. “Yesterday I told her that we couldn’t pursue this, and then last night I fucking climbed into her bed. I mean, seriously, who am I?”

 

“You’re horny.” Lena laughs, and Sam really doesn’t think it’s that funny. “How was it?”

 

“I don’t kiss and tell.” Sam says, as if there’s been much to tell recently. Lena just rolls her eyes, and rests her chin on her hand, waiting.

 

“Well I heard most of the telling last night. Alex is very verbal-.” Sam kicks Lena’s shin, but Lena makes very little effort to back down. Lena is always like this. Detail oriented did seep into their friendship sometimes. She couldn’t not know things, especially if it involved sex or drama, and Sam was starting to regret being less persistent when it came to finding out about Lena’s life. “Why are you acting so shy about this? I saw this coming from a mile away, pun intended.”

 

“I feel stupid.”

 

“Stupid? Why? Because you had fun?”

 

“Because I can’t seem to wrap my mind around what I really want.” It’s true. The fact is she’s been teetering between going for it and running away for a while now, and that all seemed to boil over to what happened between her and Alex last night. It wasn’t a mistake. It was phenomenal, but it meant that she needed to be more consistent in the future. She couldn’t do grey areas, and neither could Alex, so she needed to find a way to solidify the idea of them being friends.

 

Friends were good, and safe, and it meant that she didn’t have to risk bringing someone into Ruby’s life just to have them running away weeks later. This wasn’t just about trust, it was about the reality of things. Sam and Alex had been hogging each other for a while now, space would make things clearer. “This is a vacation, Lena. Today we drive back to real life.”

 

“You’re going to break her heart with this back and forth shit.”

 

“Her heart? I don’t think we’re that deep in this.”  


“She dropped everything to bring you and your daughter out to her mother’s house. You’re that deep, trust me.” Lena nods toward the water where _The Chain_ is floating. “What would it take to convince you?”

 

“Let’s not play that game.”

 

“Why not? You never got the chance to do all the cheesy crush b.s. In high school, so let’s do it now. What would it take for you to actually give this a chance?” Sam ponders Lena’s question because it was a good one. She wasn’t sure what would make her feel certain about Alex, and as a strictly head over heart kind of gal, she knew that she was leaning more towards signs of stability. Like a job, good friends, a nice apartment. All things Alex had by the way. She could hurl excuses Lena’s way all she wanted, but the truth was this was on her. “Want my opinion?”

 

“No.”

 

“Alex is good for you. She’s been good for you since day one, and you’re just scared of being happy. Because if you’re happy then it means you can’t lean on all your angsty family shit to drive your entire life.” Lena’s eyes widen. “Wow, we are truly the same person.”

 

“My thoughts are moving too fast, I don’t know what to think.” Sam watches as Alex docks the boat, and she helps Eliza and Ruby get out. Lena’s watching too, a thoughtful expression on her face.

 

“I can take Ruby in the helicopter.” Lena smiles. “It’ll give you and the agent time to cut through the sexual tension, and actually find your feet.”

 

“First a boat and then a helicopter? You two are spoiling Ruby.”

 

“Oh, get over it.” Lena waves as the trio approach the porch. Ruby is talking animatedly to Eliza, while Alex holds the stack of life jackets in her arms. Alex smiles at Sam when she approaches, and Sam practically melts under her gaze. “Did you guys have fun?”

 

“So much fun. And Mrs. Danvers said we can come out here whenever we want!”

 

“Eliza will do.” Eliza wraps her arms around Ruby’s shoulders with a smile. She looks between Sam and Lena for a moment before turning to Alex. “So you’ve packed, and cleaned the room?”

 

“Yes, mom.”

 

“And you got two of each of the jams? I promised Kara I was sending you back with them.”

 

“Yes, I got them.” Alex plops the life jackets down on the porch, and mumbles, “Not like she can’t just fly out here and grab them anyway.” Eliza pokes Alex’s side, and Alex’s ears turn a very distinctive shade of pink. “So, we should probably get on the road.”

 

“I’m taking Ruby.” Lena says emphatically. “If that’s okay with my favorite niece.”

 

“I’m your only niece, and I’m not even that, technically.” Ruby sticks out her tongue at Lena, but grins anyway.

 

“You wound me.” Lena throws her hand over heart dramatically, which gets a laugh out of Eliza, and Lena genuinely looks embarrassed by her own antics for once. “Eliza, I have to say, I’ve had so much fun out here. It’s nice to take a break, even if it means potentially sinking the entirety of National City’s financial stability.” Sam couldn’t roll her eyes hard enough, but she had to reel it in when Eliza started off on hugging everyone.

 

Ruby, lingers by the grass, staring out at the ocean while Sam grabs their bags. Alex has two extra bags than what she came with, at least one of them is presumably filled with cans of delicious jam. Lena makes a big deal about taking a picture of all of them, and Sam ends up being pulled against Alex’s side as Lena takes a selfie _for the gram_. Lena does actually say those words out loud, and Ruby makes fun of her the whole way down the driveway.

 

Alex talks to Eliza for a moment privately, and Sam tries her best not to be curious, and instead takes to packing up the backseat because Ruby won’t be driving with them. “I can’t believe you’re choosing Lena over me.”

 

“I’m choosing flying over you.” Ruby kisses Sam’s cheek. “Flying is always cool, just ask Supergirl.”

 

“Up, up, and away.” Lena says playfully, but Sam knows that Lena’s crush on the superhero is hidden beneath those words somehow. “Text us if you need anything, but also...have fun with Alex.”

 

“Shut up.” Sam grits out as Alex jogs to catch up to them. She tosses two bags into the trunk, but she holds one out toward Ruby.

 

“What is it?” Ruby asks, but her eager fingers are already opening the zipper. “Holy...shit.” Alex sucks back a laugh as she looks at Sam’s flustered face. Ruby pulls out the telescope, and shows it off to Lena. “But it’s Kara’s.”

 

“It’s mine.” Alex shrugs it off. “I know a wicked good spot where we can set it up in the desert, if Sam approves.”

 

“Of course, that sounds fun, and very educational.” Sam says as Ruby hugs Alex so tight that Lena has to pry Ruby’s hands off Alex, before they retreat to wherever the hell Lena’s helicopter is parked. Alex hops into the car, and then - as if she’d forgotten about how much they’d shared the night before - Alex looks over at Sam sheepishly.

 

“You ready?”

 

“As I’ll ever be.” That came out wrong, and they both know it. Starting off a six hour car ride with awkward banter will get them nowhere, so Sam resigns herself to acting normal even if it kills her. “That was really sweet of you by the way.” Sam says as they wave goodbye to Eliza, and start on the road.

 

“My pleasure. I think it’s neat that she likes all the nerdy things I like.” Sam laughs when Alex says _neat_ , and it takes a second for Alex to realize just how dorky she sounds. “Sorry, I get weird when I’m nervous.”

 

“You’re nervous?” Sam rolls up the window, and glances over at Alex. “Because of me?”

 

“No, well...not just that. I...it’s that room mostly. The things we did, and now having to pretend like it was meaningless...I’ve done stuff like that before. It’s just a tough thing to handle.” Alex bites her cheek. “But I can handle it, I swear.”

 

“You don’t have to put on a brave face-.”

 

“I know. And I’m not. I just wish you’d be clear about what you need from me.” Only Alex can make something that's incredibly daunting sound casual. But Alex is right, they need to get ahead of this before it gets out of hand. “I had fun last night, but if that’s all this is, then that’s all it is.”

 

“We both obviously know that there’s something here.” Sam is relieved to admit it, but it’s the words that follow that are harder to get out. “But let’s be honest about ourselves. Neither of us have incredible track records, and right now I need friends more than anything. It wasn’t a mistake, and I don’t regret it, except that it can’t happen again. Not anytime soon at least.”

 

“Are you trying to scare me away?”

 

“No, seriously, I’m not.”

 

“Good, because I don’t scare easily, and I was seriously looking forward to showing off my astronomy knowledge to Ruby.” Alex smiles, and it’s so lighthearted, that Sam is certain that they’ll find a way through this muddled mess somehow. “So, let’s hear it, Arias.”

 

“Hear what?”

 

“You’re always on me about my music tastes. Hook up your phone, I got six hours to get some dirt on you.” Sam complies because she had been kind of dramatic about making fun of Alex, so it was only right that she should be put through the same scrutiny. And if it took six hours of 2000s alternative rock to be even, then so be it. “This music is so you.”

 

“Really? Most people are surprised.”

 

“You forget, I know you pretty well by now. Someone who wants to go diving into freezing cold water in the middle of the night is the kind of person who would listen to this.” Alex cranks up the volume, and they rock out on the scenic route home.

 

* * *

 

Alex is genuinely mystified when she returns to the DEO. Not only is J’onn not upset that she missed cleaning some crumbs in his car, but Lucy is making a big show of being altruistic, while she’s stuck here at the city base. Apparently, in the three days that Alex has been gone Vasquez has moved to the Desert Base four days a week to give Winn more space to work. Which was of course a big gay lie, and Lucy and Vasquez obviously wanted to take their U-hauling asses to work in one car, so they came up with this b.s. Lucy had also butted heads with a few of Alex’s best agents over protocol, which of course varies base to base, and now they had a crisis of methodology on their hands.

 

Supergirl had also gotten into some trouble when she literally punched a citizen because they were saying some pretty awful things about Lena, and now Catco was going to have to scour up some puff piece to fix the situation before alien paranoia kicked in.

 

At least Winn was acting fairly normal, except that he was asking a lot of questions about sparring, and Alex had - frankly - had about enough of it, so she called Kara, Winn, and Lucy into the training room for a meeting. Winn was the first to arrive, and he had the decency to toss a bag of pretzels to Alex, and be deceptively docile about Alex’s return. “I hear you brought back jam.”

 

“You can have a jar, and when Kara complains you can tell her jam is for heroes who don’t fuck up their reputations over their girlfriends.” Winn takes the victory in stride, and as Lucy and Kara filter into the room, it’s pretty clear from the jump who’s in charge. “What the hell, Lucy?”

 

“Seriously? You don’t even say hi?” Lucy crosses her arms over her chest. “Good to see you too, you lil shit.”

 

“Lucy, I took half a step into the building and people were calling you the ‘Desert Cunt’” Kara covers her ears because of course she does, Winn opens another bag of pretzels and watches this all unfold. “I was gone for three days.”

 

“That’s a really mean nickname.” Kara rests her hand on Lucy’s shoulder sympathetically.

 

“I fucking love it!” Lucy brushes Kara’s hand off with a laugh. “I sense a _desert cunt_ tramp stamp coming on. Or...oh! Maybe, I’ll get it on my pelvis, though people might think it says dessert, which in theory works well too-.”

 

“Lucy, please be quiet.” Alex holds up her hand to halt Lucy’s rant. “I was gone for three days.”

 

“Yeah, we noticed.” Lucy says with a frown. “You can’t get mad at us for the shit that went down when you were gone.”

 

“I’m not your babysitter-.”

 

“If you’d been here then you would’ve been my liaison between the bases, and I wouldn’t have half the staff calling me a cunt. And Kara wouldn’t have punched Morgan Edge in the face because she would’ve had sister night with you two days ago, and not held onto all of her pent up frustrations. And Winn wouldn’t be trying to learn how to fight because Tinder date number fifteen was a jerk, and Winn needs to know how to protect himself.” Lucy digs her toe into the ground.

 

“That’s not fair.” It surprises no one, including Alex, that Kara is the one to stick up for her. “We’re sorry, tension’s been high. And you’re usually the one to balance things out, and...well, you don’t usually just up and leave like that.”

 

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I have responsibilities.” Alex sticks her hands into her pockets, but keeps looking at Kara to try and get the message across. “Winn, I’ll teach you how to break someone’s nose with one look, okay? And Kara, sister night whenever you’re ready. And Luce...just text me if you need something, I can’t read your mind.” Alex sighs. “I really wanted to help Sam. It was a tough situation, and I had to make a choice.”

 

“Don’t jargon us to death, Alex. Kara’s right, it’s not fair of us... _me_ , to be so dependent on that big brain of yours.” Lucy leans forward and whacks Alex’s arm playfully. “So, what did happen? I mean, not that I didn’t love getting my Xena time…but is everything okay now?”

 

“Xena is so cute. I made her a sweater.” Winn says with a grin. “Also she bit Tinder date number fifteen to protect me, and it turns out he was a republican, so thank god she was there.” Alex has a hundred follow up questions, but Lucy just starts hitting her arm over and over waiting for a response.

 

“We’ll get back to that, Winn.” Alex shakes her head. “And yes, Lucy, everything’s fine. We just went to Midvale.”

 

“Midvale? Without me?” Kara crosses her arms over her chest. “And what did you tell mom?”

 

“The truth.” Alex rolls her eyes. “It was fun, I took Ruby out on the boat, we went swimming, mom’s dating this old weirdo, I got popcorn, did I mention that Lena showed up?”

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Kara sits down on the ground, using her cape as a cushion. “Mom’s dating someone?”

 

“I’m sorry, that’s the thing you’re fixating on? First of all, Eliza Danvers is a Milf so-.” Now it’s Alex’s turn to hit Lucy. “I’m sorry, she is, and I’m not afraid to admit it.” Lucy ducks under another one of Alex’s hits. “Why was Lena there?”

 

“Moral support.” Alex explains.

 

“So, is there something going on between Lena and Sam? They’re pretty close if you ask me.” Lucy is just the fucking Queen of starting shit, and she absolutely knows it. At least Kara is able to compose herself before she spontaneously combusts at the thought of someone other than her making Lena happy.

 

“They’re just friends.” Alex would much rather this conversation be in her control, but Lucy is always able to turn things into a big dramatic witch hunt on her own terms. Lucy just looks at Alex like she’s waiting for a punchline, so rather than drawing things out and letting it spill over into the work that they need to get done today, Alex adds, “Sam and I are just friends too by the way. We slept together, it was nice, but we’re just gonna be friends.”

 

“Not on my bed, right?!” Kara screams, while Winn nearly chokes to death on a pretzel. “Seriously, if you had sex on my bed, I’m gonna throw you into space.”

 

“No, on my bed.” Alex closes her eyes. “I don’t know why I even said that. Now I can never let Sam near you guys again, because you’ll freak her out.” Alex nudges Kara’s knee with her foot. “Please, don’t make a big deal out of this.”

 

“Why are you looking at me? It’s Lucy you should be worried about.” Kara assures Alex, even though they all know that Kara is the real threat to any sense of normalcy Alex hoped to have in this situation. Because she did want things to be normal. She might not have been great at recovery, but she did know that she needed to do her best to honor the ups and downs of it, because Sam wasn’t the only one who was going through this, and sooner or later Alex might hit a barrier that she might rely on Sam to help her overcome. Friendship was a safety net, but it was safe, and if she learned anything from going home, it’s that safe was the god of good things. “Wait, does this mean that you two aren’t coming to my _Twilight_ movie night?”

 

“Are you serious?” Alex could not be more convinced to _not_ go to something even if she tried.

 

“I made themed cupcakes, Alex.” Kara pouts. “There’s red buttercream in the middle, and glitter on top.”

 

“Will you make me all black cupcakes to represent my emotional turmoil about being forced to watch that movie again?” Kara grins, and nods emphatically. “Fine, then I’ll be there.”

 

* * *

 

The moment Alex shows up to AA, Catherine practically tackles her with a hug. It’s much needed, and warm, and she’s just happy to be back because work was grueling, and Lucy refused to stop asking her invasive questions about her and Sam the entire time which made focusing on her tasks even that more difficult. Luckily, Winn provided a nice buffer of both snacks, and photos of Xena, and that helped a ton. Sam was at AA too, standing near the coffee, and still dressed in her work clothes, Alex almost didn’t approach, but she needed things to be okay between them, so she did.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hi.” Sam shakes around the coffee pot. “Want some?”

 

“Sure.” Sam pours Alex a cup, and hands it to her with a smile. “Work was fucking brutal today. I missed the ocean like crazy.”

 

“Me too.” Sam grins. “And getting Ruby to school was a chore. She won’t stop talking about you, and how cool you are.”

 

“Well, what can I say.” Alex shrugs. “Speaking of super fun activities. Have you ever seen _Twilight?_ ”

 

“You’re joking, right? Or no...you actually look serious.” Sam takes a sip of coffee, and goes to add a little more cream.

 

“It’s movie night. Kara’s making cupcakes, and I was thinking you and Ruby could come. I mean, Lucy will definitely make some inappropriate comments, and Winn will definitely tell us unnecessary trivia about the film, but there will be cupcakes.” Alex feels a twinge of desperation bubble up, but she tries to quell her worries. “It’ll be fun.”

 

“Sure.” Sam pours some sugar into Alex’s coffee, and when Alex looks at her curiously, “You’ll need to stay up for this one. I’ve got a really great story to tell about relapsing and my knight in shining armor. And, apparently, in our absence none other than Catherine the Great has become our faithful leader.”

 

“Holy shit.” Alex glances over at Catherine, as she rearranges the chairs so they’re closer together. “This’ll be good.”

 

“Wish me luck.” Sam says with a wink, and Alex knows that Sam really doesn’t need it. And even as they’re sitting down, and Catherine is starting the meeting, Alex still doesn’t think that luck has much to do with anything. Sam is the first to speak, her voice tangled with nerves, she keeps looking over at Alex as she talks, as if she’s asking _am I saying this right_? She is, of course, but Alex continues to give her supportive nods and smiles and pretty much anything to help her through admitting to a room full of people that she’s messed up.

 

Catherine is kind and open, and she doesn’t do that thing where she makes you feel small like Andre used to do. The loss of him feels heavy in the room, even Peter - who thankfully had been keeping his distance - says a decent thing about missing him. They all miss him in their own way. For Alex it’s just about being too late to help. For others it’s just about having one less person in the room, Catherine is great at working through those feelings without making it feel like a therapy session. Sam says it very well, just as the meeting is about to end, “I’m fucking brilliant at pushing people away, I’m just terrible at actually losing people.” Catherine reaches out and holds Sam’s hand, and it feels like they haven’t missed a beat.

 

The basement is still the basement of a church. Alex is still coming back to it. And she’s still trekking thirty miles east to find healing and power side by side with the most captivating person she’s ever met. “Any chance there’ll be actual food at this movie night?” Sam asks as they’re walking through the parking lot.

 

“You don’t know my sister that well.” Alex laughs. “Bring your appetite and don’t have a critical eye. Lena, James, and J’onn have never seen it, so we’ve been talking it up like it was an Oscar contender.” Alex slides onto her bike.

 

“You’re ridiculous.”  


“Yup.” Alex pulls on her helmet. “See you soon.” It doesn’t take all that long for Alex to get to Kara’s apartment, especially with rush hour slowly fading as the drive wore on. Alex feels butterflies as she uses Kara’s spare key to get in, mostly because Ruby will be meeting some new faces, and she sincerely hopes that none of them make this awkward. J’onn will be here too, and his mind reading abilities can pretty much turn this evening into a nightmare, but mostly Alex just finds it difficult to not be constantly thinking about Sam.

 

It isn’t all sexual. It also isn’t _not_ sexual. It’s just this thing about waiting. Alex and Sam had waited so long to be themselves and to be open, and now shutting all that down was forcing Alex to rewire her whole brain. “You look tired.” Kara says as soon as Alex walks through the door.

 

“AA was a bitch.” Alex notes that J’onn, Winn, and Vasquez are sitting on the couch talking to J’onn’s _not-_ girlfriend. Alex obviously wants in on this action, mostly out of sheer curiosity, but she’s also content to check out the horrendous amount of food that’s sitting on Kara’s island. “Lena helped pay, huh?”

 

“She’s nice like that. She should be here soon, so you can thank her then.” Kara smiles, and Alex grabs a cookie off the table. “Do you see M’gann?” Kara jumps on her toes.

 

“I can’t believe J’onn landed her.” Lucy wraps her arms around Alex’s shoulders. “Where’s your bae?”

 

“She’s not my…” Alex shrugs Lucy off. “She’s bringing Ruby, so please act like an adult for once.”

 

“Ruby, as in Sam’s daughter? Alex! Why didn’t you say anything? What if we run out of food? What if she hates the food?” Kara’s only nervous because she has a reputation to uphold. “Oh god, what if she hates me?”

 

“She’s literally met you.” Alex reminds her. “You’re just as cool as Supergirl, don’t worry.” Kara seems pleased to hear the words, and even with Lucy shaking her head _no_ , Kara is quick to cheer up. A quiet meowing causes Alex to perk up, and she watches as Xena runs from the window to climb up her leg. She’ll have scratches all over her body, but she doesn’t even care, she’s just happy that Lucy brought Xena here so Alex wouldn’t have to wait another day to see her. “My baby.” Alex peppers kisses all over Xena’s face, and James whips out his phone so he can take pictures.

 

“Send those to me.” Kara tells him, before shoving Alex to the couch so she can cuddle Xena without getting in the way of anyone’s food. Alex tries her best to be engaged in what M’gann is saying, but they all quickly get distracted by Xena, and the knocking at the door.

 

“Sam! Lena!” Alex looks over her shoulder to see Kara hugging each woman excitedly. “Oh, and you must be Ruby. I’ve heard so much about you.” Kara shakes Ruby’s hand like a dork, and Alex manages to climb up to her feet to go greet them.

 

“Alex! And a...cat? You have a cat?” Ruby runs over and takes Xena out of Alex’s hands. “She’s so cute!”

 

“I know. Her name is Xena.” Alex smiles, and looks up just in time to see San slipping off her coat, and revealing a _Team Rosalie_ t-shirt. “Oh my god.” Sam grins.

 

“If you make fun of me, we’ll have to fight. And I might not look tough, but I’ll bite if I have to.” Lena mouths _I bet you will_ , but Sam doesn’t seem to notice. Instead, everyone gets wrapped up in finding their places on the couch or piling emo cupcakes on plates over brief introductions.

 

Alex and Sam are pouring _red_ lemonade when it happens. Alex has just tossed a few raspberries in Sam’s cup for added flavor and because she knows Sam loves them, and then Alex looks over to say something, but Sam is already looking back at her. It’s like something clicks on Sam’s face and in her heart. Alex notices the change, but she isn’t sure what to do or say, so she just smiles and leads them to the couch, where they’re squished between Lucy and J’onn as the movie starts.

 

Somehow the movie is better than she remembers, though Alex isn’t sure if that’s saying all that much. J’onn is hilariously confused by the entire film, and Lena is appalled. She won’t stop reminding Ruby how problematic it all is. Somehow James loves it mostly because he loves ridiculous things, and that makes Kara really happy because she’s a goof and likes sharing those parts of herself with her friends.

 

Alex gets the cupcakes she wanted, and Ruby is doing a great job at being so adorable that J’onn nearly chokes up, when she says something about the lighting on screen. Alex leans over, and asks, “Everything okay?”

 

“She just reminds me of my little ones.” Sam overhears them, and even though she doesn’t seem to know what exactly has happened, she squeezes J’onn’s hand reassuringly. It helps, Alex can tell that much, and the rest of movie night goes by without a hitch. That is until M’gann and J’onn are about to leave, and Lucy is making suggestive comments that causes Winn to remind everyone that sexual harassment exists. In the frenzy of Lucy trying to save her job, and J’onn making fun of her, Sam grabs Alex’s hand and pulls her out of Kara's apartment. 

 

They say nothing as they take the elevator down, and still remain silent when they step outside, until Sam turns on her heels, and looks at Alex. Really looks. Stares, even. “I’m an idiot.”

 

“CFOs usually aren’t. CEOs, maybe, but don’t tell Lena I said that.” It’s supposed to be a joke, but Sam looks so serious that Alex frowns.

 

“I do this thing when I actually care about someone, I end up pushing them away, because I...well, I’m afraid. Because my mother loved me for eighteen years and she threw me out without a second thought, and I guess I never really thought that anyone could care for me as much as my mother had, so what was the point?” Sam exhales. “But fuck it. The point is you, Alex. The point is that you have been by my side, you have cared for me and Ruby, and never once acted like I was some kind of burden. I mean seriously, you are the person I’ve been waiting for, and I was almost too afraid to admit it, but I am. Now.”

 

“What about recovery?”

 

“You’re a part of my recovery. I’m a part of yours. We have big full lives, I don’t want to be afraid to live it. Not anymore.” Sam grabs onto Alex’s hands, pulling her closer. “You put raspberries in my lemonade.”

 

“Huh? Is that like a...sex thing?”

 

“No, Alex...you put raspberries in my lemonade without me even saying anything. Because James had those lemon raspberry bars at that one game night, and I ate three of them, so you knew. You know me. And how many people in our lives actually know us?” Sam looks hopeful, eyes shiny with the glint of love. Alex tugs at Sam’s jacket until there’s no space between them. Alex’s eyes fall to Sam’s lips. “Let’s do this, right? Let’s just...I wanna be with you.”

 

So they kiss, all the magic and wanderlust of home traded for the cool night air and harsh street lights illuminating their bodies as they find out once again how much they fit together. It’s not like their other kisses at all. Drunk, filled with salt water or lust, this time it’s just them being as honest as they can be with themselves and with each other. Sam wobbles when she pulls away, as if she’s so dizzy with infatuation that she has to regain her balance. Somehow in the fray, Sam has apparently tousled Alex’s hair just enough to make her look exactly like a ridiculously charming heartthrob, and it makes Sam smile to think that her heart is actually throbbing right now.

 

“Let’s just take our time with this okay. No pressure on either side, keep friends close, all those important things. Recovery comes first. Ruby too.” Sam nods her head, because she really does understand the importance of taking their time. “And I really wanna be with you too.” Alex suddenly looks up when she hears rustling and footsteps stomping against the fire escape above them.  Kara is looking down at them with Lena and Lucy looking over her shoulders respectively. Alex frowns, and they all practically trip over themselves trying to rush back inside, which leaves Ruby standing there with a half eaten cupcake in her hand grinning down at them.

 

“I knew it!”

 

* * *

 

It’s too late for Sam to drive back home, so they decide to stay over at Alex’s for the night. Ruby doesn’t even mind having to wake up early, she’s just thrilled that her mother is finally going to start dating Alex. It’s funny, the word _dating_ , it feels almost juvenile compared to the intensity of their current relationship, but Alex does say that they should maybe go out sometime soon.

 

Ruby makes a big show of taking the couch. Alex has to pester her for a long time before Alex finally convinces her to take the bed with Sam. It’s late, probably after eleven, but they’re all crowded around the kitchen island, scooping out ice cream from a small pint of _Ben & Jerry’s _. “So, how long is your Thanksgiving break?” Alex asks.

 

“A whole week, can you believe it? Last year we only got three days off.”

 

“Three days plus the weekend, that was good enough for me when I was a kid.” Sam nudges Ruby’s shoulder. “We usually watch the parade, and make way too much food together, plus cookies, and plenty of pie.”

 

“Just you two?” It isn’t meant to make them feel bad, but Alex can see on their face that they do. “I know it’s pretty soon, but...what if you came to our family Thanksgiving? I mean, it’s more of a family and friends thing anyway, and my mom would love to have you back, I’m sure of it.”

 

“Alex, you really don’t have to do this.” And Sam means that. She doesn’t want to ever feel like a burden to Alex.

 

“I’m asking for myself too. I love spending time with both of you, and I think it’d be really fun.” Alex’s honesty shines through her words. “Plus we sometimes play a game of soccer on the beach, and I’ll definitely win if you’re on my team, Ruby.”

 

“Can we? Vasquez taught me all about betting odds, and I think I might be able to win some serious cash when we play.” Sam laughs because there is nothing Ruby can’t pick up. “That means a better Christmas present for you and me, mom.”

 

“You’re buying yourself a Christmas present?” Sam asks her daughter.

 

“Absolutely.” Ruby turns to Alex. “And I’ll get you something too.”

 

“I don’t think Sam has said yes yet.” Alex reminds the overzealous Ruby. “But in case this helps, Kara is very into family holidays so you’ll for sure get to see us wearing some ridiculous holiday sweater.”

 

“Oh, yeah, that’s exactly how you convince me.” Sam bites into one last scoop of ice cream. “That’s a yes, then.”

 

“Yes!”

 

“Okay, okay, that’s enough excitement and sugar for the night. You need to get ready for bed.” Sam kisses Ruby’s cheek, and takes the spoon out of her daughter’s hand.

“I set out some clothes for you, and there are extra towels in the bathroom.” Alex yells after Ruby, and she bounds down the hallway and into Alex’s bedroom. “Sugar before bed is a bad idea, I forgot what being a kid is like.”

 

“Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it.” The implications are clear. _We’re in this for the long hall,_ and Alex nods her head because she agrees.  “We should probably get to bed too.”

 

“Yeah, sure.” Alex stands, and Sam does too. They stare at each other, all shuffling feet and butterflies kicking around in their bellies. “You can kiss me whenever, you know.” _Like couples do_ , sits on Alex’s tongue as Sam peppers kisses all over her face. Sam’s half tasting Alex, half joking around, it feels as intimate and perfect as any moment between them. “You’re so silly.”

  
“Yeah, don’t forget it.” Alex hugs Sam, taking in every heartbeat and every breath. She is so happy that she doesn’t have words for it. She is so herself that she finally feels free. If someone were to ask her: what’s the one thing you want in life? Alex would say: _this_. Here. Right now with Sam is everything she’s ever dreamed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, hope you all enjoyed that chapter! Up next is some Thanksgiving madness, and we're going back to Midvale (this time with a lot more characters and a lot more tension). 
> 
> Anyway, just wanted to say that I wrote Twilight in here because I was recently forced (not really) to watch all of the movies, and it was a hilariously enjoyable experience. My question of the week is, who do you think everyone's favorite Twilight character is? We know Sam's, but anyone else's...


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a few things...
> 
> 1) Have I mentioned how great you all are? Because you really really are.
> 
> 2) I'm going on vacation next weekend, and will be celebrating my bday for most of next week, so...if I'm honest, I probably won't be writing all that much. 
> 
> 3) That being said, I'm adding another chapter to this fic, and I hope that makes up for the short break!

“I’m going to tell her.” Kara explains as Alex stuffs the last bite of a donut into her mouth. The early morning  _ Noonan’s  _ crowd is hectic, but Alex and Kara had arrived early enough to get a booth, which provided them a little bit of privacy. Kara has been smushing around a danish on her plate for half an hour, so it was only a matter of time before she actually got to what was really bothering her. “Lena. I need to tell her.”

 

“That you’re a raging bisexual?” Kara glares at Alex. “What?” Alex wipes the crumbs off her face, before reaching across the table for a piece of Kara’s danish. Kara promptly smacks Alex’s hand away, so hard that Alex has to check to make sure there are no broken bones. “Jesus fuck, Kara. That hurt.” 

 

“I know. Oh, shoot.” Kara slides the danish over to Alex. “I’m sorry. Things have just been very out of whack.” Kara adjusts her glasses. “I’m going to invite Lena to Thanksgiving, but I want her to know. Who I really am. What I really am.” 

 

“Big step.” Alex tries not to look too surprised, the last thing she needs is for Kara to feel like she’s making a mistake. 

 

“That’s it? I thought you’d be yelling at me not to say anything.” 

 

“I don’t  _ yell _ , I  _ advise _ .” Alex shrugs her shoulders. “I know I’ve been a little aggressive in the past about hiding who you are, but...well, it’s Lena. She’s saved the world almost as much as you have, and she already knows about the DEO, if anything this will give her more of an incentive to help.” 

 

“More how?” Alex rolls her eyes. 

 

“You’re so clueless, it drives me insane.” Alex grabs the danish, and is about to bite into it, when Kara snatches it out of her hand. “Hey!” Alex grins. “Just make sure she signs the necessary paperwork, and make sure you keep mom informed. She’s gonna have a lot to deal with this year, so let’s just make it relaxing.”

 

“Since when are you mom’s champion?” Kara questions. 

 

“She was so good when we visited. You have no idea.” Alex knows it’s hard for Kara to envision, with all the drama that went on when they were younger. “And believe me, it hasn’t been all that easy for her. So, seriously, she needs to know who she needs to tiptoe around.” 

 

“Clark will be there, right?”

 

“Unfortunately.” Alex says because she knows her dislike of Clark bothers Kara. “Two supers once again. Which reminds me, if you’re gonna bring Lena then you should tell Clark. You know how he is.” 

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“Truth, justice, and the American way? Let’s be honest, your morals are different than his. He thinks things are absolute, you’re more open minded.” Alex drums her fingers on the table. “Look, I don’t want this to become a big thing. I just wanna eat, make fun of a bunch of our friends, and-.”

 

“Kiss Sam?”

 

“Precisely.” Alex rarely takes bait, she usually just owns it. And with Sam,  _ owning it _ was easy. 

 

“How are things going?” Kara has to hold the sides of the table to contain her excitement. “Can I just say that you and Sam are so good together? I know it’s early, but she’s just so pretty and kind, and she makes you less grumpy, it’s awesome! Plus, omg, she has a kid! Like the stars have aligned-.”

 

“Kara.” Alex rests her hands on her sister’s. “Calm down.” 

 

“I’m sorry.” Kara takes a deep breath. “I’m just happy for you. Seriously, this is great.”

 

“It’s baby steps.” Alex assures Kara. “I keep reminding myself to keep her at arm’s length-.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because of Maggie.” Alex shakes her head. “I was a few months from getting married not that long ago. And, okay, Sam is different in just about every way, but...I never committed myself to more than two things at once. I have the DEO, and Sam, and I need to make sure Ruby is alright in all of this.” 

 

“The fact that you’re putting Ruby first should tell you something.” Kara can tell just how much Alex is frightened of admitting too many things at once, so she lets it go in favor of changing the subject. “I hear we have a bit of a transportation dilemma.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

“You didn’t hear?”

 

“No, apparently not.” Alex runs her fingers through her hair. The last thing she wants is more stress over this holiday. Bickering is one thing, and she was certain somehow Lois and probably Lucy would be a part of that somehow, but pre-trip annoyances could derail the whole holiday before it even begins. “Well, go on.” 

 

“James and Winn are driving together. And Lena and I will probably drive-.”

 

“Why don’t you just fly her?” Alex jokes, Kara doesn’t even crack a smile. “Jesus, would you relax?”

 

“Would you let me finish?” Now Kara smiles, because she can’t handle being serious for more than five seconds. “Vasquez isn’t coming apparently because she’s going home, and Lucy is too scared of meeting her family this soon, so she’s not going with-...”

 

“Can you like, get to the point sometime?”

 

“Alex!” Alex misses this. She really does. Kara and her had hardly spent any time with each other over the past few months, and that meant all of Alex’s sarcasm was coming on a bit strong, and Kara’s smile let her know that it was okay. “Well, I assume you’re driving with Sam and Ruby, and J’onn’s just gonna fly, I think so...Lucy doesn’t have anyone to drive with.” Kara’s pout was so somber that Alex had to sigh. There was no way she was getting out of this, especially if Kara had anything to do with it. 

 

“Actually, I’m not driving with Sam. She thinks she should spend extra time with Ruby, so I’m taking my bike.” Kara grins so bright that she gets why some of her friends in college used to call Kara Sunny Danvers. “No.”   
  


“Please.”

 

“No.”

 

“Come on.”

 

“No.” Alex’s phone buzzes, and of course it’s a text from Lucy asking if she could ride with her to Midvale. “You are washing all the dishes, and I get first pick for soccer.” 

 

* * *

 

 

Lucy shows up at Alex’s apartment at four am on the following Wednesday. She’s wearing a leather jacket that is definitely Vasquez’s, and even though Alex tells her to be quiet, she barges into the room so loudly, that she wakes a sleeping Ruby up. Since Alex and Sam had started sorta dating, Alex had bought Ruby an amazing air mattress that was more comfortable that Alex’s actual bed. Ruby and Sam had been spending a lot of nights, especially weekends, over at Alex’s place, and while it was smaller than Sam’s house, they’d slowly but surely made it their home away from home. 

 

They each had a drawer in Alex’s dresser. Ruby had broken a plate. Sam had accidentally burned food one night. It was official, the Arias family had landed. 

 

“Lucy?” 

 

Lucy’s mouth hung open as she stared at a sleepy looking Ruby. “Oh, shit.” Lucy smacks Alex’s arm with a frown. “I didn’t know this was a sleepover night, why didn’t you say anything?”

 

“You didn’t ask.” Alex walks over, and kneels next to Ruby. “Sorry.” Alex helps bundle Ruby back up under the covers. “Go back to sleep, okay?” Ruby’s eyes are already closed, as she nods her head. Alex points to Lucy, and waves her out of the apartment, before she quickly follows Lucy out into the hall. 

 

“I thought we could get a head start, I seriously didn’t mean to wake up the kid.” Lucy’s playfully punches Alex’s arm. “Full family sleepovers, huh? You’re so domestic.” Alex rolls her eyes, and checks her watch. 

 

“They’ll be getting up pretty soon, so you can stay and help me make breakfast. But you need to be on your best behavior.” Lucy throws up three fingers, and mouths scout’s honor, before they make their way back into Alex’s apartment. Ruby’s back to snoring, and she’s a pretty sound sleeper, which gives Alex and Lucy a bit more freedom to start on the pancakes. Lucy doesn’t make any comments about the fact that Alex is using fruit to make smiley faces into the pancakes, and she certainly doesn’t comment when Alex gets a news alert on her phone, and she can see the selfie of Alex holding Sam in the background. But it’s a lot for her to take in. Seeing such a drastic change in her friend, especially because she missed out on ever even meeting Maggie. 

 

Lucy was happy for Alex, she was happy that they both finally found their people, but it was a lot to take in. “Cute.” Lucy comments as she glances down at Alex’s phone. Alex makes a face, one that says  _ I know _ . And then Sam walks into the room. She’s wearing a giant  _ Wash U _ t-shirt that Lucy knows is Alex’s, and when she spots Lucy, her cheeks flush red. “Don’t mind me.” Lucy assures her. “I barged in, I didn’t know you were here.” 

 

“Are you two leaving early?” Sam asks, taking Lucy’s assurance that her being pants-less was okay, and taking a seat near the island. “You could beat the traffic if you go within the hour, I think.” 

 

“Just wanted to make you two breakfast before we go.” Alex leans over the counter and kisses Sam on the lips. Lucy looks away, and Sam notices that, creating this underlying tension that no one suspects will ever crop up between them. “So, when you get there, don’t forget to park on that strip of grass. My mom wants the driveway clear in case we play soccer on the front lawn.” Sam’s nodding her head like she already knows all this, and Lucy can’t help but laugh at the way Alex is falling into a bout of nervousness right before her eyes. 

 

“Yes, Agent.” Sam jokes. 

 

“You gotta be careful with the agent lingo, there will be a few of us out there.” Lucy notes the way Sam’s smile doesn’t reach her eyes, and she certainly notices that Alex has stopped fiddling around in the kitchen, and seems rather urgent about leaving now. Alex disappears into her bedroom, and emerges with a light duffel bag, that she’ll put on the back of her bike, along with Lucy’s backpack. “Ready?” 

 

“Yup.” Alex walks around the island, and kisses Sam again. This time lingering in her embrace. “Tell Ruby that if you don’t drive like a grandma then we might be able to take the boat out today.” 

 

“Shut up.” Sam says playfully, before kissing Alex one last time. Lucy follows Alex out of the apartment, and feels an immediate sense of relief. What the hell was that back there, she thinks, and then she says, “What the fuck was that?” As she’s climbing onto Alex’s bike behind her.    
  


“Huh? What are you talking about?” Alex pulls on her helmet, but Lucy takes her sweet time. 

 

“Why doesn’t she like me?” 

 

“She does.”   
  


“No, she doesn’t. She likes you, so why not me?”

 

“You’re comparing us?” Alex looks over her shoulder at Lucy, who still hasn’t started putting on her helmet. “Well, for starters, she isn’t dating you.”

 

“And you are? Dating, right?” Lucy nudges Alex’s shoulder. “Kara says words like ‘hanging out’. Lena called you ‘fuck buddies’ at the last game night.” 

 

“She did?”

 

“No, but you two are being hella weird about this. In public you’re all delicate and shit, but I practically had to pry you out of her arms back there.” Alex resents Lucy’s dramatics, especially because she was holding them up. 

 

“You did not!” Alex grabs Lucy’s helmet, and plops it onto her head. “We’re in recovery, you dickhead, so sorry that we aren’t parading ourselves around, while we figure shit out.”

 

“What’s to figure out?” Alex ignores her, and starts driving, she knows that once they get out of the city, the wind won’t allow them to hear each other anymore, and she’ll actually have some peace. Alex regrets letting Lucy come with her, she knows just how much Lucy can adapt to get under anyone’s skin. Alex also knows that outside of Lois helping Alex save Lucy’s life, the sisters didn’t really get along all that well, and those nerves always primed Lucy to bite more than usual. “Seriously, what’s to figure out? She’s staying over, you’re going to AA, you two are doing this right, so what’s with the bullshit?”

 

“Lucy, no offense, but you were gone for two years. You don’t know shit about what I went through.” That stings. Lucy loosens her grip so much on Alex that soon she realizes that Lucy isn’t holding on anymore. Alex reaches back and grabs Lucy’s arm, pulling her until she’s holding on again. “Don’t make this difficult, come on. I’ll get us there in five hours, and you can take out your anger on your sister.”

 

“Fine.” This drive is so much more nerve wracking than the one with Sam just a few weeks ago. The thing about cars is that they feel safe. Your body is encased, and the radio makes things feel like home no matter what’s playing. Now, there was silence. Now there was Lucy. There were no barriers between Alex and the world around her. She could feel every bump. She could see every grove in the road. Her hands didn’t feel right, her mind didn’t feel right, so about halfway through the drive Alex pulled over at a gas station and asked Lucy if she would drive. “Seriously? Wow, what I’d do to deserve this?”

 

“Annoy me to death.” Alex says as she slides her credit card into the slot, and starts pumping gas. 

 

“Alex?” Lucy is still sitting on the bike, but she looks much more serious than she had this morning. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“I didn’t get into your head, did I?” Lucy frowns. “I just...I’m jealous. Not about you and Sam, but like...it’s everything. I know, I left. It was my choice, and I did it, but then I came back and the only thing that was the same was Susan.” Lucy shakes her head. “You had a lifetime worth of discovery, and I wasn’t there for you.” 

 

“You didn’t have to be. You needed to take that time for yourself, why are you blaming yourself for that?” Alex rests her hand on Lucy’s arm. “I’m on your side. Always. And by the way, you do this pestering shit like every holiday we’ve ever spent together.” 

 

“No, I don’t.”

 

“You made Kara cry during that one Christmas we spent at Myrtle Beach. And, remember when Lois gave you a black eye when we went to the Kent’s?” Alex shakes her head, they’ve had a rough road getting where they are now, but they’re here. “You’re the fucking director of the DEO, Lucy. All Lois does is write some posh articles about stories that Clark gives her.”   
  


“She’d murder you if she heard you say that.”   
  


“You’re the tougher Lane, with better friends, I’d pick you any day.” 

 

“Oh, Alex! My knight in shining armor.” Lucy says dramatically. “How long do you think it’ll take to get there?”

 

“Two-ish hours.”

 

“I’ll make it one and a half.” Lucy slides up the front of the bike just as Alex finishes pumping gas. “Hold onto your hair, Danvers, I’m gonna show you how to ride.” And Lucy does. Alex has to remind her like fifty times that if they die then they’ll miss out on the fun Thanksgiving drama, and that seems to occasionally settle Lucy down just enough, before she gets excited again. 

 

This time, home doesn’t feel so distant. The roads are welcoming, and even though the air is cooler, the cars parked near the driveway remind Alex just how much things have changed over the years. The first thing they see is Lena and Ruby sitting on the porch drinking hot chocolate. Ruby waves animatedly to them, while Lena does her best to look homey and casual in one of Kara’s sweaters. Lena’s still wearing amazing makeup, which probably gave Kara a heart attack earlier, and Alex is just about to ask where everyone else is when they hear ruckus from inside. 

 

“Mom and Kara are setting up for a pie making contest later on.” Ruby tells Alex. 

 

“And why is the great Lena Luthor still out here?” Alex asks Lena, who gives her a wink. “Kara might cry if you beat her.”

 

“I’m sure they’ll figure out a way to make up.” Lucy says with a laugh. Before Lena can protest, Alex wraps her arm around Lena’s shoulders, and the pair make their way into the house. 

 

The first thing Alex says to Sam as she enters the kitchen is, “How the fuck did you beat me here?” And Eliza scolds her so harshly, that Alex has to apologize four times before she finally gets a hug. Sam is tentative about showing her affection in front of Eliza, so instead of a kiss, she hugs Alex in line with everyone else in the room. James and Winn are doing their best not to interject into every conversation with their nerdy input, but at least Kara has somehow found a way to not make things awkward for Alex and Sam. Instead, she’s doing an incredible job of making things awkward for herself. 

 

Alex knows what bashful looks like on Kara, and about halfway through Sam showing everyone how to make her “Heart Attack Cookies”, Alex grabs Kara’s arm and pulls her into the corner of the room. “What’s with you?”

 

“Me? Nothing, I...oh, nothing, really.” Kara looks over Alex’s shoulder at Lena, as she leans over and whispers something in Sam’s ear. The pair are doubled over laughing a second later. “Lena asked where I was sleeping tonight.” Kara says so quietly, that Alex has to lean forward to hear her. 

 

“And? Did you tell her?”

 

“I said my room. I mean where else would I sleep-.”

 

“Mom’s gonna kill you.” Alex said jabbing her finger against Kara’s shoulder. “You didn’t read the email, dummy. Oh shit.” Alex grins. “I read the email. I’m the good child for once.”

 

“Al-.” Alex throws her hand over Kara’s mouth, and takes in the moment before she releases her. “Well, what did the email say?”

 

“James and Winn are in our room. Sam and Ruby are in guest room number one. Clark and Lois are in guest room number two. Lena gets guest room number three. J’onn has brought a tent so he can look at the stars like a space weirdo. Lucy is in the living room. Mom’s in her room, obviously.”

 

“So...what about us?” 

 

“The boat. We’re in the boat.” Alex smiles. “So, you should tell Lena that you get sea sick, and ask to share the room with her.” 

 

“Why? Why would I do something like that?” Alex could strangle Kara, she really could, but she loved her too much to let her mess up things with Lena. “She’s my friend. Well, she is until I tell her the truth.”

 

“Don’t underestimate her. She hates that, okay? Just...take one thing at a time.” Alex was trying her best to help Kara out, but she couldn’t do all this for her. One way or another the truth was going to come out, and Alex trusted her judgement enough to know that Lena would take things well. Alex watches Kara look over at Lena again, and she realizes just how much this is tearing Kara apart. “This is family time, Kara, don’t try to be a hero.” That wasn’t what she really wanted to say or how she wanted to say it, but Kare seemed to understand her anyway. If Kara came to Lena like Supergirl, all valor and justice Kara’s honesty would mean nothing. Kara had to be herself for Lena to understand her. 

 

“What are you two doing being all secretive over here?” Lena looks between them, mischief evident in her eyes. “You missed out on my pie crust expertise.” 

 

“I bet mine will be better.” 

 

“We’ll see.” Lena makes her way back over to where everyone else is huddled around something Sam is making. Alex grabs the back of Kara’s shirt before she can even think about following Lena. 

 

“Was that...flirting?” Alex questions. “Is that like what you two do?”

 

“We weren’t flirting, Alex. She’s my friend.” Alex decides to just let things go, as she returns, along with Kara, to the group. After minutes of fleeting glances, Alex and Sam excused themselves to go walk on the beach. They barely escaped the curious glances of everyone in the kitchen, and barely escaped Lucy encouraging Ruby to hound them, but they made it. 

 

Alex wanted to comment on the fact that they were back in the place where they fell in love, but she is certain that saying the  _ l  _ word might be a step they aren’t quite ready to take, so instead, she just holds Sam’s hand and smiles. “Why did your mom ask me if we were dating yet?” 

 

“Uh…”   
  


“Does she know?” Sam asks. 

 

“Not exactly.” Alex tells her honestly. “And she shouldn’t. Not until we know for sure.” 

 

“You know I’m not ashamed of this, right?” That stops Alex, a lot of reasons had floated through her mind, but not a single part of her thought that Sam was ashamed. Cautious, smart, patient, but never ashamed. “When we were here last, and we ran into Vicky, that look that you gave her, it was like you were saying  _ shit, I’ve forgotten how to hide _ .” Sam squeezes Alex’s hand tighter. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re hiding. Especially with your family and friends.” 

 

“We’re talking in circles here, Sam. I don’t need to make big statements when it comes to us. I just want you.” And Alex meant that with her whole heart. “But I do think we work well together. And I don’t mean that like this is some kind of job, not like…”  _ Maggie _ . Because as wonderful as most things had been with Maggie, their work clashed so much that most of their dates turned into alien of the week discussions, and sometimes they just forgot how to be...themselves. Sam’s job was so outside of Alex’s comfort zone. Alex liked staying up and listening to her presentations, half of it went over her head, but it didn’t matter because it was Sam. 

 

Comparing things was a waste of time, but it did help show just how much Alex had grown. And everyone could see it. Alex actually went home when her work shifts were over. She’d gotten back in the gym, and picked up her training routines with Kara and occasionally Lucy and Vasquez. And she hadn’t gotten injured or kidnapped since that little mishap a few months ago. Alex was growing into herself in ways that she never thought possible and that was all a part of this life that Sam and Alex were starting together. 

 

Labels be damned. This was indescribable. 

 

“My mom knows. She knows when her kids are happy.” Alex looks back toward the house. “And I am incredibly happy with you.” 

 

“You make me so happy, Alex.” Sam kisses Alex on the cheek. “I know things are going to be crazy tomorrow, but I’m so happy I get to be here with you. Ruby is too, I...this is what a family feels like. Thank you for showing me that.” 

 

“So...what crazy thing should we do this week? Swimming naked is old hat, so we have to come up with something better.” Sam swings them around, and they begin to walk back toward the house. 

 

“Tell Kara to sleep in Lena’s room. I’d like to join you on the boat.” 

 

“Ohhhh, aquatic booty call-.” Sam whacks Alex’s arm with a laugh. 

 

“It is not a booty call!” Sam links their arms again. “Though, I have to be honest, Agent Danvers, you do look quite dashing in your street clothes.” Alex looks down at her dark blue jeans, maroon knitted sweater, and leather jacket, and smiles a little to herself. 

 

“You don’t look half bad yourself.” Alex notes Sam’s form fitting yoga pants, and her crew neck mustard sweater. She looks beautifully cozy as always. “Your ass looks good too.” Alex playfully lifts up the back of Sam’s sweater, and Sam wraps her arm around Alex’s shoulders loving the attention as they head back up the hill. 

 

When they reach the driveway, Alex groans. Lois and Clark are standing on the porch chatting with Ruby. Lucy is laying so far back in one of the chairs that she might as well be sleeping. Alex knows that face, and she knows just how annoying the Lane sisters will be over the next few days. But it in no way compares to how annoying Clark will be. 

 

Alex doesn’t really know how her dislike of Clark began. She used to be very protective of him, loyal even, but his general lack of interest in Kara’s well being, and his holier than thou persona quickly created a rift between them, and it wasn’t going to be repaired any time soon. Clark was just so...human. That was it. That’s why she could never connect with him, because he was just like any other guy, thinking he’s better than everyone, and yet he was also an alien. They just clashed. A lot. 

 

“Look what the cat dragged in!” Lois exclaims as she rushes down the stairs and practically jumps into Alex’s arms. Alex catches her with a huff, and Lois cackles at Alex’s dumbfounded looking expression. “Oh…” Lois releases Alex and holds out her hand toward Sam. “I know you.” 

 

“I’m Sam, you saw me at Alex’s apartment way back when.” 

 

“Oh, right, with Luthor.” Alex cringes at Lois calling Lena  _ Luthor _ , and she certainly knows that Lois doesn’t mean that in a harsh way. “I’m Lois, and this guy is Clark.” Clark shakes Sam’s hand, and then turns to Alex, and fucking bows. 

 

“Why did you just do that?” 

 

“Lois said I have to.” Clark says with a shrug. “You did save Lucy’s life after all.” Lucy huffs from where she’s still slumped in her chair. “Have you seen Kara?” 

 

“Pie-off in the kitchen.” Alex says, and Clark immediately perks up. He might be better at hiding his appetite, but he’s still an alien. Clark gives Alex another bow before sprinting into the house, and somehow taking Ruby along with him in the flurry of childish energy, and general hunger. “Don’t make Clark bow, it’s weird.”

 

“It’s hilarious.” Lucy says with a laugh. “Somebody’s gotta knock goody-two-shoes down to size.”

 

“Why is it that good nature only annoys you when it’s my husband?”

 

“Because he’s annoying.” Lucy challenges Lois. “Hi, by the way. You literally jumped into Alex’s arms, and you only waved to me.”

 

“I was more excited to see her.” Lois says matter of factly. Alex just wants to run, and maybe go makeout with Sam on the boat, not listen to the Lane’s bicker like they always do. “Plus I was distracted by the cuteness of Ruby. Great job by the way.” Lois throws Sam’s way, and like most interactions with Lois Lane, Sam doesn’t exactly know what to say in response. “Sorry, I’m rambling aren’t I? Usually I can hide behind Kara and no one notices.” 

 

“Lois, chill out. Go have some pie or something, Jesus Christ.” Alex motions both Lane sisters to go inside. Lucy complies first, but not without kicking Lois’ shin first. Sam and Alex share a laugh at their antics, before Sam joins Lucy inside.

 

Lois lingers a bit, which gives Alex pause, so she waits too. “So, are you hittin’ that or what?” Lois says after a brief silence. 

 

“Get a filter, seriously.” Alex warns Lois. 

 

“What? I just want to say that I knew it. I saw the way she was looking at you ‘way back when’. She’s a catch.” 

 

“I’m aware.” 

 

“Don’t be pissy. You’re nervous, I can tell.” 

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“You’re tiptoeing around like you’re sixteen.”

 

“There are other factors here. You and I know that.” Namely, the main factor was the DEO and the fact that Kara was Supergirl. Those things were easy when it came to Maggie, but not with Sam. The barriers Alex was putting up weren’t just for show, she didn’t want Sam or Ruby involved in her work ever. 

 

“Whatever you say-.”

 

“Alright, seriously, you just showed up, and I won’t fight with you over this. It’s my choice to make.” Lois holds up her arms defensively, before she shoots Alex a grin. “Please don’t make a scene. Kara’s all stressed about...well, things.”

 

“What things?”

 

“Big reveal things.” Alex tells her. 

 

“To Lena?” Alex’s silence was all the confirmation Lois needed. “Clark will flip-.”

 

“He doesn’t get to decide what she does.” Alex tells Lois so firmly, that Lois’ always confident demeanor falters. “No scenes.” 

 

* * *

 

 

Everything seems to settle when J’onn finally arrives. He takes on his role as moral compass, and somehow his presence quells everyone’s nerves. They listened to music and played games, and generally have an incredibly relaxing time. Of course, there’s always tension between J’onn and Clark, but somehow Ruby’s adorableness calms them down, and they actually find the perfect balance of conversation between the two extremely stubborn men. 

 

Alex seriously marvels at how unbelievably lovely Sam is when it comes to having so many people around her. She just gets people in ways that it would take Alex years to comprehend. Kara can get along with anyone, but not everyone can fall in line with Lucy’s general extroversion, or Winn’s references. But she does, and as a few people drink wine, and Alex and Sam try and see how many marshmallows they can put into their mugs of hot chocolate, Eliza gives Alex this look. 

 

Alex doesn’t want to comment on it, but eventually Eliza swoops in, and cuddles up next to her on the couch, whispering so no one can hear her. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this proud of you.” 

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“You’re taking a chance on yourself by allowing yourself to be happy again. You’re so brave, Alex. You’re the bravest person I know.” Eliza kisses Alex’s forehead. “Sam loves you, did you know that?”

 

“Mom, we just started...whatever it is we’re doing.”

 

“Still.” Eliza never was very good at middle ground. She never had to be like Alex often did. She’d gotten softer in recent years, and certainly more open minded. 

 

Alex learns two things that evening. One, she is the luckiest person in the universe. And two, maybe she had gone to that AA meeting on purpose. She’d chalked it up to drunken misfortune, but now she was certain that she really was trying to run away. Trying to split herself in two for the sake of keeping her fragile relationships alive. She’d half-assed a lot of things in her life. Not really being honest with herself, hiding her drinking, even rushing into a marriage proposal. Everything Alex had done before she met Sam was a way of her trying not to lose the people around her. She wanted to force them to stay, which was hilarious because everyone in that room would be here for her no matter what. 

 

It was a shame that it’d taken Alex so long to realize that, but now that she knew, there was nothing standing in her way. “You have an amazing poker face.” Clark tells James as they continue with their card game. Ruby is holding her own in there, even though Lucy’s competitive side is starting to emerge. “How could I have forgotten that?”

 

“Oh, so the bromance is still alive?” Alex nudges Lois with her foot. “That’s so sad for you.” 

 

“Eliza, tell Alex to stop making fun of me.” Lois says with a pout. 

 

“I’m sure you can handle it.” Eliza laughs, motions toward the kitchen, and mouths  _ pie _ to J’onn and Winn. The trio get up, and just as Winn and Eliza head into the other room, J’onn steps over sprawled out legs and mugs, and gives Alex a hug. 

 

“I think I missed actually saying hi to you in all the excitement.” He nods over at Sam who is currently in a heated argument with Kara and Lena about the best boy band of all time. “The whole family’s here, huh?” 

 

“Yep. I thought you’d bring M’gann.” J’onn takes Eliza’s vacated seat and smiles. “Oh, you’re pretending it’s not that serious.” 

 

“Alex, as Lucy always says ‘you’re one to talk.’” J’onn looks very pleased with himself. “Life is different for me, you know that. M’gann and I have time. And you do too, it’s just...less of it.” Alex was constantly reminded of her own mortality, she didn’t need this right now. 

 

“Why do I feel like everyone’s taking turns trying to get me to go all in with Sam?”

 

“Because we love you, and we love seeing you happy.” J’onn pats her shoulder. “And as Kara likes to say ‘deal with it’.” J’onn stands again, and joins Winn and Eliza in the kitchen. 

 

So that night, Alex does deal with it. After Sam tucks Ruby in, and has an entire late night conversation with Lena about why she and Kara are sharing a room. After Alex helps Eliza clean up as a way to solidify her role as Daughter of the Year, and to also help James teach Winn how to knock someone down on their ass - to which, Eliza makes them go outside, where J’onn immediately helps them out. Sam and Alex make their way out to _ The Chain _ sneaking kisses the whole way, which almost causes Alex to tumble into the water at one point, but Sam holds her up, and hurries her into the boat so they can kiss properly. 

 

They fumble into the lower deck. It’s decorated just like Alex remembers, except that there are extra blankets stacked on a lounge chair, and as Alex pulls out the bed, which her dad had cleverly designed, she sees that Eliza has purchased new pillows and a new mattress. Sam sits on the bed first, looking at Alex with eager eyes. “You’re insatiable.” Alex says with a laugh. 

 

“So are you.” Sam laughs. “And I actually thought that maybe we could...well, that you could teach me how to drive this thing.” 

 

“This late?” 

 

“We’re night people, isn’t that right, Artemis?” Alex nods, and grabs Sam’s hand. Sam goes up to the top deck, while Alex detaches them from the dock. Sam’s eagerness is charming, and it unsubtly reminds Alex of how excited Ruby had been a few weeks ago. Like mother like daughter. 

 

Alex starts driving first. She moves slowly through the water, pacing herself to the rhythm of the blinking lights on the boat, hoping that her mom doesn’t see them. 

 

Eventually, Alex will move out here. She’ll get her own beach house right on the water. With a dock that leads right out to her own boat, one that is so distant from her anger and sorrow that every time she climbs in, she will never feel her father’s presence. She’ll paint her beach house blue. She’ll get a million wind chimes and let the wind sing her to sleep. It’ll be a heaven that she’s created for herself. The one she’s always wanted with a tiny kitchen, a comfortable bed, and a table big enough to have family and friends over. 

 

Big enough to have Ruby’s friends over too. And Sam’s. Because in this fantasy, they’re both there. With her forever. 

 

Maybe Alex will take up woodworking. Or fucking painting. Who knows? Who cares? Alex has never looked forward to the future like she does now. 

 

Sam wraps her arms around Alex, and places her hands on top of hers. She’s warm, and soft, so Alex does it. She tears down the last wall she has standing. “I’m in the DEO.” Alex admits. Sam freezes, and Alex is pretty certain that Sam doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about, so she continues. “It’s an underground government agency. We work to ensure the safety of humans and aliens alike, but stopping intergalactic threats. It’s...well, it’s who I really am. It’s what I believe in.”

 

There’s a long silence. So long that Alex has to stall the boat, and turn to face Sam. Sam’s face is unrecognizable, and every bad thing that Alex has ever thought about herself is slowly boiling over, and Alex just can’t handle that. She can’t handle Sam thinking those things about her. “So...like Men in Black?” Alex is certain that she hears her wrong, so she blinks a few times to try and return her brain to proper functioning. But Sam is really just standing there with a grin on her face. “Wait, you were scared of telling me that? Why?”

 

“Because…” Alex isn’t sure what to say. She expected a lot of reactions, but not this. “I lied to you. You thought I was in the FBI…”

 

“No,  _ you  _ thought that I thought that.” Sam pokes Alex’s side. “I’m not such a big ol’ nerd now, am I? I’m a detective! Might be time for a career move, huh?” 

 

“You knew?”

 

“I knew that your  _ uniform  _ was too hot to be FBI wear. At first I thought CIA or something, and Ruby did guess that you might’ve been a street racer, but then we decided that it had to do with aliens because Supergirl picked Ruby up from school.” Sam shrugs. “I’m not going to run away because you wanted to keep up safe. Is that what you wanted? For me to freak out about this?” 

 

“No, why would I want that?”

 

“It’s a fail-safe. Holding onto really important aspects of your life that you can spring onto someone later on. That way if things don’t work out then you can blame them for not being willing to compromise.” Sam holds Alex’s hands. “That’s what happened with Maggie, right?”

 

“No...I...that wasn’t-.”

 

“You probably didn’t realize it.” Alex knows Sam’s right, and it’s astonishing just how much Sam understands her. “But I’m here. Desperately hoping that you’ll tell me a bunch of cool stories you have about fighting aliens, but still...right here.”

 

“Sam, I…” Oh shit. This was not the plan. Alex is sure that there wasn’t really a plan to begin with. But she has to say this, she has to let herself be free and honest with Sam. Everyone had been pushing her to let herself be happy, and right now she decided that she would like that. She would like a future that included Sam and Ruby, and even though spontaneity didn’t always work out for her, honesty usually did. “This is gonna sound crazy. It probably is. But I think I...I love you?”

 

“Is that a...a question?”

 

“Kinda.” Alex laughs at her own absurdity. “I’m sorry. I know things like that are supposed to wait. But I can’t wait. I’ve built my entire life on waiting, and it hurt me. So...I don’t want to hurt. And maybe that’s not what you need from me, and I understand, but I think that I’d like you to know me. All of me. Including my emotions, so...yeah, I love you. And I don’t want you to say it back, actually. Because I trust your emotions and your heart, and I want you to be ready when you are.”

 

Sam cries. And they just crumble against each other because neither of them have ever really reached this level of trust. Sam was right when she said that she was the only one who really knew Alex, and tonight just proved that even more. Sam doesn’t say I love you, but when they get back to the dock, and prepare to go to bed, Sam wraps Alex up into her arms, and smiles. “You’re my person, Alex.” It’s a sweet reminder of just how far they’ve come, and just how bright their futures look, and Alex smiles too. 

  
They’ve never had a  _ person _ . Someone who they each could lean on, and call their home. But they did now, and despite so many things being taken from them, no one could ever take that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next, more Thanksgiving madness. Is it madness if we get to see Sam and Alex being wonderful, while everyone else collectively loses their shit? Maybe.
> 
> Anyway, as someone who loves baking, and therefore loves The Great British Bakeoff, who has been your favorite contestant so far? (This is only slightly related to this chapter, I've just been binge watching, and I wondered if any of you lovely folks watch the show as well)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...so, it's been a while, but life can get crazy. Thank you all for being wonderful, patient, and leaving such kind comments!

Alex is woken up early the next morning. She and Sam had spent the night comfortably on the boat, but the morning chill was just seeping in, so Alex was on her way to grab some more blankets when she saw a car pulling up the driveway. It was a black Land Rover, so Alex knew that someone who was loaded was driving it, but since Lena was already there, Alex was more than a little confused. J’onn and Eliza were already sitting on the porch drinking tea when Alex began walking across the dock, and she was just about to ignore the car so Eliza could deal with it when she saw a man getting out of the car. 

 

Not just any man. Sam Lane. 

 

Alex could hurl. There were so many things going through her head, first of which was whether or not he was here to arrest her and J’onn, and the second whether or not someone in the house was insane enough to invite him. Eliza was the first to stand, because even though she had highly trained agents and superheroes in the house, she was still a hyper-protective mother, and she’d stand in the way of a train if it meant her family was safe. 

 

Alex went from a casual walk to actually sprinting across the yard, but before she made it there J’onn was standing there in front of Eliza. J'onn was always putting valor and pride first, and protecting the people he cared about. Eliza was in no mood for surprises, and Sam Lane clearly didn’t much care for being a surprise either. Alex realized as she approached, that she was somewhat afraid of Sam Lane. He wasn’t tough, or strong, but he had that boldness that seeped through his bloodline like a sickness, and Alex didn’t want to turn this wonderful Thanksgiving into a bloodbath.

 

But she would. 

 

Because family was everything to Alex, and if Sam Lane was going to make this a fight, he was picking the wrong people to mess with. “I didn’t know I would be a surprise. I was invited, I assure you.” J’onn, Eliza, and Alex exchanged glances, none daring to say the words that their eyes screamed.  _ Who in their right mind would invite you? _

 

“Well, no one informed me of that.” Eliza says, as she crossed her arms over her chest. Alex knew in that moment that she might have to hold her mother back from mauling him. For the first time in her life, Alex was truly afraid of where her mother’s emotions might lead. “And I have every room filled.” 

 

“A hotel will do. I’m only here for dinner anyway.” He actually smiles, like feigning joy would quell their nerves, but all it does is stir up the past in ways that he doesn’t want. This man had nearly sent Alex and J’onn to a torture chamber, and still he had the audacity to smile. He was a manipulative son of a bitch, and he wasn’t used to resistance, but somehow someway, he convinced them with his eyes that allowing him to stay was their idea. 

 

Alex wasn’t up for the charade of offering this man hospitality, but she did head inside to wake up Ruby, and tell her to go out on the boat with Sam. “Why?”

 

“Just for a little while, I have to talk to Kara.” Ruby complies because she must sense Alex’s desire to keep this situation under control. And Ruby clearly trusted Alex enough to head outside with a blanket wrapped around her. Alex rushed upstairs, and without even knocking, Kara was flinging open a door, and approaching her wrapped in a blanket of her own. 

 

Alex ushers Kara out onto the upstairs balcony, and doesn’t even have time to ask her why she was only wearing a bra and underwear, when Kara starts absolutely going the fuck off. “Why the hell is he here? He cannot be here! I mean, who in their right mind would invite him? Lucy would never. And Lois knows about what happened to you and J’onn, and she wouldn’t dare. Would she? I’m not leaving mom down there alone with him-.”

 

“Mom will be fine. She’ll probably end up poisoning his food, but she’ll be fine.” Alex shakes her head. “Kara, what should we do?” Kara’s eyes widen, a look of terror crosses her face. “Jesus, what?” 

 

“You’re asking me what to do? But you...you always know what to do.” 

 

“You’re Supergirl, and I trust you. I bet your idea will be much better than mine.” Alex doesn’t want to tell Kara that her idea involves calling Sam Lane a cab and forcibly removing him from their property. But it does take most of Alex’s energy not to resort to some form of violence. She’s been here before. Teetering between losing herself, and isolation, and right now all she wants to do is let Kara take control of the situation. “We’re stronger than him, but if we should take the higher ground then tell me, and I’ll do it.” 

 

“We should.” Kara says, but she doesn’t sound completely convinced. “Which is so stupid, and so-”

 

“Clark?”

 

“Well...all I know is that he can’t hurt us. And if things get out of hand, then I’ll punt him into the ocean.” Kara’s smile was genuine enough to offer Alex some breathing room. But then a whole flood of questions come pouring out of Alex’s mouth, all of which had to do with what went on between Kara and Lena last night. 

 

Kara turns all shades of red, insisting with all her might that absolutely nothing happened. And it’s not that Alex believes her, or even wants to, but movement from inside the house means that they will soon have to run around and get everyone ready for the shitshow of a meal they would no doubtably be having later that day. “Why are you in your underwear then?”

 

“This is how I sleep!” Kara assures Alex, but then she adds quietly, “Lena sleeps this way too.” To which Alex laughs because she doesn’t know exactly how to contend with a sputtering mess that Kara seems to be turning into. 

 

“And you told her?”

 

“She already knew.” And it’s not that Alex doubted that Lena did know. Because Lena is a fucking genius, and she loves Kara enough to see through the charade of Supergirl, but all this also meant that Alex would need to have an actual conversation with Lena about how she does trust her. Alex would’ve told her half a second into their friendship if it was her secret to tell, but Kara certainly must’ve said or done something right to make the big reveal go well. 

 

Lena has a temper. No one really knows that. It’s a burning rage that bubbles up in ways that are only present in wealthy women. It’s masked and held close to the heart, but it’s there. Alex is thankful that Kara will never have to see that side of Lena because it’s daunting how much sorrow Lena has had to swallow over the years. Alex suspects that Lena will never feel the need to be silent about her emotions with Kara, and they can grow together through the shared experience of having terrible things happen to their families. 

 

“She kissed me.” Kara looks like a beet by now, and Alex wants to hold her up above her head and scream at the top of her lungs  _ finally _ . Finally, Kara is freeing herself to the possibility of Lena, and it’s a welcome change. “Or I...maybe I kissed her, but we...sorry, this is embarrassing.”

 

“Kara, I’m your sister. Nothing is embarrassing.” 

 

“Right, duh, but I mean...I was so...she knew how to do things. Like she knew what I wanted, you know? No one has ever been that...she gets me. That’s what I’m saying, I think. She gets me, and I get her.”

 

“I’m happy for you.” And there it was. For the first time Alex could see the truth about her sister. Kara had been holding death and destruction in her eyes for her entire life. But now her eyes were clear. Full of hope and wonder, full of joy, and so full of happiness that Alex thought that she might actually need to thank Lena. “Go talk to Lena, I’ll take care of everything else.”

 

Alex did take care of everything. She told James that Sam Lane was here. And then Lucy, who jolted awake so fast that she nearly knocked Alex over. Lucy rushed into the kitchen to protect Eliza and J’onn from her father’s mediocrity. And by the time Alex was heading back to the boat, two things were clear. One, they were going to have to call Sam Lane, General Lane. And two, Clark had invited General Lane to Thanksgiving. 

 

Alex could go on and on about how fucked up that was, but mostly, Alex just needed to talk to Sam and Ruby. “Having a long day already?” Sam’s smile met Alex as she climbed onto the boat. Ruby must still be sleeping below deck, and Alex doesn’t mind how beautiful Sam looks wearing one of Alex’s sweaters and jeans. 

 

“Uh...god.” Alex lets herself fall into Sam’s arms, and of course Sam catches her. “Long story short, but...Lucy and Lois’ father showed up this morning. And to say it was unexpected would be an understatement. He’s a total tool.”

 

“A tool how?”

 

“He has an anti-alien agenda, one time he tried to take over the DEO, and also he tried to imprison J’onn and I. You know, the casual conservative shit.” Alex sighs, and pulls back slowly expecting a look of pity on Sam’s face, but instead she’s met with firm determination. “What?”

 

“He hurt you?”

 

“He tried.” Alex holds Sam’s hands. “At my house we don’t turn people away, and this was Kara’s choice. So, I’m being a cool older sister for a change, and stepping back.” 

 

“If he says anything to hurt you-.”

 

“You can beat him up.” Sam’s look let Alex know that she would absolutely fight if she needed to. That Sam would fight for her. “Tell Ruby that when she wakes up, I have a surprise for her.”

 

“No surprises for me?” Sam jokes. And Alex wants to say that she surprised her enough with her rushed love confession the night before, but then they would both know that she was lying. It wasn’t rushed. It was a lifetime and a half of seeking and seeking until she found Sam. She admitted her feelings for a reason. She’d say  _ I love you _ on this boat for a reason, and they both knew that. 

 

“Maybe later.” For now they could stand there sharing glances and holding hands like this forever. Sam made a big show of fawning over how cute Alex looked today, and her compliments were starting to spoil Alex, but she didn’t mind. Alex liked holding her vulnerability up for Sam to see, because so far Sam had cradled her heart in her hands. So far Sam had been her anchor, been her support, everything friends, lovers, and family should be. 

 

“What are you thinking about?” 

 

“You.”

 

“I know.”

 

“So, why’d ya ask?”

 

“Because I like knowing.” Alex understood those words. She understood just how much she meant to Sam. Someone to hold her. Someone to show her that every part of her was a gift, a blessing. That Ruby was wonderfully charming. That Sam and Ruby were everything that Alex wanted in her life. “Should we go inside and say hi to everyone? Ruby will sleep for awhile longer, and I’d like to get some coffee to prepare for this insane holiday we’re about to have.” Alex nods, and takes Sam’s hand. 

 

* * *

 

 

The thing about Lucy Lane is that unlike a match waiting to ignite, she is always on fire. Fierce anger and sarcasm always at the tip of her tongue. Always ready to show everyone that she can handle things. Always ready to prove that she is exactly the person they need in their lives. She’s great at that. Alex loves that about her, and she supposes that this is exactly what drew Alex to Lucy in the first place. 

 

But right now, Alex could sense that Lucy was holding back. Fumbling around with her mug, while everyone else bustled around the kitchen either helping Eliza cook, or playing a game with Ruby, or trying to combat the presence of General Lane. Alex was exhausted just watching her. Either Lucy was going to kill Clark or her father, or both, and Alex was determined to jump in before it got to that. 

 

Then, of course, there was the giant elephant in the room. It wasn’t so much that General Lane cared about having allies in this situation, but like any good soldier, he knew that allies couldn’t hurt. So the fact that he was standing beside Lena Luthor was a deliberate choice that didn’t get past Alex. Or Lucy for that matter. 

 

Frankly, Alex would much rather be doing her typical Thanksgiving tradition of getting drunk and playing music in the kitchen, but since she was genuinely committed to staying sober, and committed to caring for her friends, both of those things were out of the question. So Alex made her way over to where Lucy was stewing, and wrapped her arm around her shoulder. “I don’t think Vasquez would be too happy if she had to bail you out of jail.” 

 

“I don’t get why everyone’s just letting this happen. You and J’onn most of all. He shouldn’t be here.” Lucy was right, everyone knew that, but causing a big scene would do more harm than good. All Alex knew was that she could look across the room and get that beautiful smile of Sam’s in return, and that was all the support she needed to stay sane. “I can’t sit across from him. I just can’t.” 

 

“Come on, Luce, it’s Thanksgiving-.”

 

“What the fuck is with you?” Lucy pulled away from Alex so abruptly, that she knocked over a mug, and the  _ crash _ made all eyes shoot over to them. James rushed over to clean it up, making a big show to keep everyone - especially Kara and Clark - from rushing in to clean up the glass. Maybe James already knew, with the way he was looking between Lucy and Alex, but he didn’t say anything even when Lucy stormed off outside. 

 

“Always the drama queen.” Lois says. And it’s such a small moment. Such small words, but Alex knows that she has to follow Lucy outside. And when she finds her, Lucy is sitting in the gazebo, staring out at the water. Her eyes are cold enough to burn, so Alex takes her time. She sits next to her, and fiddles around with her shoes, and then her shirt, and when she gets to toying with her hair, Lucy can’t take it anymore. 

 

“Sorry.” 

 

“It’s fine.”

 

“No, the mug...I…” Lucy shakes her head, and finally looks over at Alex. “I remember your dad using it a bunch. Black coffee.” Lucy smiles. “I remember because he was big on hugging everyone hello and goodbye, and he always smelled like coffee.” Alex looks down. She remembers that too. During those late night conversations, when Eliza and Kara were already asleep, and Jeremiah would ask about school, he would still smell of the coffee he’d had that morning.  _ It’s fine, dad _ . That’s about as much as he could usually get out of her on that subject, but then he’d ask about how far she’d swam that morning, and she’d brighten up.  _ Far, so far _ . 

 

Jeremiah could get things out of her that no one could. It was easy for him to be a father, and he knew that. Weaving himself in and out of Alex’s life without her ever having realized just how much he hadn’t been there during those last few years. He left notes around the house, bought her gifts, but those were just place holders until he came home. 

 

Until he didn’t. 

 

“Isn’t that funny? We spent what...like four vacations together, and even then you didn’t give a shit that I was there. I don’t even think you remembered me when I showed back up at the DEO. But then I saw that you always ordered black coffee when Kara would go on a Starbucks run. Shit’s crazy, huh?”  _ Yeah _ , Alex thinks as she watches Lucy grapple with her existence. “There are pieces of ourselves that aren’t even ours, and that drives me insane. Because I don’t want any part of him.”

 

“Lucy, you’re so yourself you don’t even know it.” Alex reminds her. 

 

“You don’t get it, Alex. You got black coffee and a giant brain.” Lucy looks back to the water. “I got fights, and shame, and hate. All that doesn’t go away with distance.”

 

“What can I tell you? If you wanna compare scars, let’s do it, but that man is so far removed from your heart that he can’t touch you-.”

 

“Surprisingly, this isn’t about me.” Lucy snaps. “Because as much as you were watching me in that room, I was watching you too. Watching you hope that maybe, just maybe, this Thanksgiving will change everything. Because if I can spend five minutes with my father in peace then maybe you’ll be able to forgive your dad too.” Lucy stands up, and for a second, Alex thinks that Lucy might hit her. But Lucy just reaches down and grabs Alex, and pulls her into a tight hug. 

 

A hug that says, we made it despite everything. We went across the world, we put ourselves in danger, we were born of fear, and emerged as heroes. And now Alex really understands where Lucy is coming from. They were two people who loved their families with all their heart. They loved their fathers despite their faults, and it hurt them both to know that their love might never be returned in the way that they needed. “I’m sorry about the mug.” What Lucy really means is, I’m sorry that we’ve had it tough. And I’m sorry that I ran away from everyone without taking the time to realize that family can have a thousand different meanings when it came to them. 

 

Going back inside was easier than Alex anticipated. Lois had moved on to telling her reporter  _ war stories _ , and she was charismatic enough to keep almost everyone engaged. Sam immediately gravitated toward Alex when she returns. “Everything okay?” 

 

“Family drama.” 

 

“Hm.” Sam nods toward Ruby. “Ruby’s been eagerly awaiting her surprise.” As if on cue, Ruby pops her head up right in front of Alex and grins. 

 

“I hate surprises.” The sheer excitement in her voice was as wonderful as it always was, and Alex easily takes it in stride. Excusing them both, and urging Ruby to follow her upstairs. Kara has been vibrating with excitement all day, presumably because she doesn’t know how to really talk to Lena after what happened the night before, and about halfway up the stairs Kara stumbles behind them with a laugh. 

 

“Hey, guys, where’ya goin’?” And Alex lets her tag along just like the good older sister that she’s always been. The three of them make it into Alex and Kara’s room, and then to the closet where Alex kneels on the ground. Kara finally realizes what’s happening and she somehow ends up just as excited as Ruby is. 

 

Alex pries the floorboards up, and pulls out the first time capsule they hid there. It’s tattered, but strong, and Alex holds out the aluminum case for Ruby to hold. “Kara and I buried this thing sixteen years ago, isn’t that crazy?” 

 

“Sixteen, wow. You’re old.” Alex just smiles, watching as Ruby twirls the canister in her hands. “Why’d you decide to do that?”

 

“Because…” Alex looks over at Kara. She wants to know what’s Kara's okay with sharing. Alex is okay with nothing or everything, but Kara will need to make that decision. 

 

“Because I was scared.” Kara takes a seat next to Ruby. Her eyes sparkle, and Alex wishes that Kara had the freedom to open up to everyone in the world. “Everything was so new, you know? I’d lost my parents, and I really didn’t like the idea of losing anything else.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“No, don’t be.” Kara means that. Kara wants Ruby to know that sharing things with her wasn’t a chore or a way to get pity, it was a promise. “And, for Alex, I...well, I’m not exactly sure why you decided to do this too.” 

 

“I didn’t want to forget things, but in a different way.” Ruby sets the canister down, and watches Alex in the same way that people watch Supergirl. Alex isn’t sure if she deserves that, but it always makes her feel wonderfully confident considering her early fears about getting along with Ruby. “I was drinking a lot. Even back then.” This is news to Kara, but still Kara doesn’t let the surprise show on her face. “Eliza was always on us about saving pictures and trinkets, but I didn’t really care until I’d won an essay contest and got so wasted that night that I’d forgotten what it was even about.” Alex shrugs. “It seemed so silly back then, but now I’m thankful that I can riffle through memories like this. Especially the pictures.” Alex opens the canister, and pulls out a photo. Kara strains her neck to see, and when she does her smile is big. 

 

It’s an old photo, at least ten years old. It’s summer break in the photo, and Alex can tell because of how hungover she looks, but everyone else looks so happy that Alex decided to keep it. Kara is getting a piggyback ride from Clark, Lois looks like she’s about to yell at Lucy, Alex is holding a fishing line, and Eliza has her arm around Clark’s shoulders. It’s one of those photos that would make everyone laugh downstairs, but Alex just shares it with Ruby and Kara. 

 

Alex wants Ruby to know that there’s no pressure about putting something in a capsule. Small or big, it’s simply about saving pieces and moments that make up who you are. Ruby promises that she’ll have something by the time they leave, no matter what. 

 

Kara gives Ruby a piggyback ride the whole way down the stairs, and Alex wishes she could’ve explained this all to Maggie. It’s not that she misses her or needs her to be a part of her life, but this is exactly what she had in mind when she thought of the word family. Everything was just so easy. From Ruby making fun of how old she is, to Eliza sneaking her chocolate between stirring pots, things were never as easy as they are now. “So, I think there’s a bet going around.” Sam says as Alex returns to the room, not in the least bit surprised that Lois is still telling stories.

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

“J’onn, Lena, and Winn think that Lucy will kill her father before dinner even begins. James thinks that Eliza will throw him out five minutes into dinner. And good money says that you and Kara will gracefully walk him out after dinner and before dessert.” Alex pondered. All those bets were safe bets, with the first option being the most likely in her mind. “I’ve been around so many people like him.” 

 

“Really? Well, finance can do that to you.”

 

“So can having a very conservative mother.” Somehow with all their whispering, Alex hadn’t even noticed that they were practically pressed against the wall, so far away from everyone else that it was noticeable. At least to Lena, who seemed to want the same easy access to an escape. “I never even noticed those things about myself. Even after you told me about this guy,” she motions in the general direction of General Lane, “I still found myself smiling and laughing along with him.” 

 

“Internalizing is what we do.” Alex assures Sam just to remind her, like she always does, that they’re in this together. 

 

“Can I admit something to you?” After everything Alex has thrown at her, it’s only fair that Sam gets to admit things too. Big or small, Alex was ready, so she nods and gives Sam an easy smile. “When I ran after you during that first meeting, I wasn’t really there to offer you a ride.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Actually, I was hoping that you’d let me drive you home instead. No, not  _ home _ , just somewhere where we could…” Sam blushes, and Alex waits for her to continue. Alex thinks that it’s fairly obvious that this is a conversation that they should be having outside, alone, and away from Kara’s super hearing. But she also knows that sometimes it takes years to admit the truth about yourself, and she isn’t going to make Sam feel shame about being brave. “Moving here was the second biggest thing I’d done in my entire life, and at that meeting I saw you and thought  _ my god _ , there’s someone as scared and vulnerable as I am.” 

 

“You could’ve said something.”

 

“Alex, you have no idea how beautiful you are.” Sam smiles in a way that says  _ but I do _ . “And if I’d said so way back when, we would’ve never ended up here. And besides, I was so scared of my own shadow, you would’ve laughed at me.” 

 

“You underestimate yourself.” Alex turns to Sam. “You’re not scared anymore, are you?” That was a loaded question. One that they should be asking when they’re far away from all this, perhaps during their next spontaneous night swim. But still, Alex asks. She knows she can’t protect Sam, not really, but she can hold her hand through the good and the bad if that was what Sam needed. 

 

“The future doesn’t seem as scary as it used to.” 

 

“Good.” 

 

“And I’m here, my god, I’m here with a giant family and friends, and there’s intense drama that doesn’t involve me or my morality for the first time in...forever.” Sam looks across the room as Lena and Kara try not to make it that obvious that they’ve slept together. It’s remarkably tame, and Alex wonders if some of her traits had somehow worn off on Kara after all these years. But then Kara tries to hand Lena a glass, which she accidentally drops and breaks. 

 

“Maybe we should go for paper plates.” Eliza jokes. James is on make-sure-no-one-gets-cut duty again, and Sam urges Ruby to help sweep up just to prove that she actually knows how to use a broom. After all the mess is cleaned up, Eliza enlists Lena, Winn, Ruby, Lois, and J’onn to help her in the kitchen to really get the cooking started. 

 

“Football, anyone?” General Lane says while he’s already turning on the TV. Clark stays with General Lane, while Lucy grabs James and Kara so they can head into town to buy a “shit ton of alcohol.” Lucy freezes, and glances over at Alex and Sam, “No offense guys. Sorry, that was so rude of me, why didn’t you guys stop me from being so rude?” James and Kara shrug. 

 

“Luce, it’s fine.” And instead of watching General Lane scream at a TV for two hours,  Alex decides to let the man enjoy his fragile masculinity, while she and Sam sneak back out to the boat. It’s less sneaking, and more of a jog to get away from everyone again. They end up in bed, both their stomachs growling, as they wait and wait for someone to figure out that snacks are crucial for survival. “Usually my mom makes these little cheese tarts for me. And even with Kara’s giant appetite, I sometimes get at least two.” Alex groans, and feels at the tantrum level of hungry, when Sam plops a candy bar on her stomach. “For me?” 

 

“Alex, I know you always talk about Kara’s appetite, but you’ve got a big one too.” Sam grins, as Alex opens the candy bar and starts munching. “So, I noticed something…”

 

“Uh oh.”

 

“Not bad, just...interesting.” Alex stops eating to give Sam at least one piece of chocolate before she devours it all. “Thanks.”

 

“So?”

 

“Pictures. Your mom has like thousands. You have...maybe two? Three if you count your portrait of Xena.” Alex knows the question before Sam even asks, and she knows her answer too, she just doesn’t want to say it. “I’m not judging you, you do know that.” 

 

“I know.” Alex toys with the empty wrapper for a moment. “You have Ruby. Even when things were shit, you still had this wonderful, beautiful kid. I had faded memories, and a dead dad who wasn’t dead, and a sister who was…”  _ Everything my family ever wanted. _ “Technology has changed my world. Kara insists that everyone needs an Instagram, and she takes enough pictures in a day to last a lifetime, but for me...photos tend to be reminders of things and people that you’ll eventually lose.”

 

“I refuse to believe in a world that bleak. And I refuse to let you believe that memories are calling cards for pain. So…” Sam climbs out of the bed, and reaches for her bag. After a few moments of fumbling around, she pulls out a polaroid camera with a laugh. “Imagine how long it took for me to dig this baby up.” Sam holds the camera in her hands like she’s holding an artifact. Like she’s remembering every picture she’s ever taken, and she doesn’t look sad, just nostalgic. Thankful, even. “Let me take a picture of you.” It doesn’t sound like a question, but it is. Usually, Alex just ends up in photos. Kara sneaking them, people wrapping their arms around her just to force her to be included in a photo. No one really asked before. No one really understood why Alex didn’t care for them. 

 

But Sam is asking.

 

“Okay.” Alex says this before she really thinks of what this will mean. A photo of herself, all alone. No one to hide behind. She doesn’t know how to pose. “What do I do?”

 

“You know, when I call you beautiful, I don’t just mean the way you look. I mean, I do mean that, just...more.” Sam holds the camera up, and tries to get Alex in focus. “Whether you know this or not, you are a safe place to land. And clearly that’s burdened you. It’s forced you to hide, and be strong when you need someone to lean on. It’s made you angry and frightened, but you should know. I’m safe too.” Sam hovers her finger over the shutter release. “That’s what I’ve been trying to say to you. For a long time, I’ve wanted to tell you that I’m not asking you to be my everything or to bury your needs for the sake of mine, because I don’t need that. I need you to know that, all of this, these moments that you and I share, are shared. And I want you to think of good things when you remember them.” Sam takes the picture, and it is perhaps the most wonderful photo she has ever seen. 

 

* * *

 

 

Lucy is tipsy by the time everyone is sitting down for dinner. She gets her wish of not sitting across from her father, but that means that Lena is forced to. Eliza decides that they’ll forgo forcing everyone to say what they’re thankful for, but if anyone wants to say anything then they’re welcome to. Ruby jumps to her feet, and holds up her water to toast, and everyone holds up their glasses too. “I just thought I should say that I’m really happy. I thought this move was going to be really annoying, and that it would be hard to make friends, but I never thought we’d end up with a whole new family.” Ruby looks between Alex and Sam. “Mom, you’re really brave, so thanks for teaching me to be brave to.” 

 

“Here come the tears.” Winn says, just as he starts to wipe his face. Ruby plops back down in her seat, and Sam kisses Ruby’s forehead, and whispers a gentle  _ thank you _ . “Wow, great kid.” Winn thankfully avoids a long winded speech, and instead, J’onn helps Eliza and Kara start slicing the turkey. Lois warns Kara and Clark that they can serve themselves last, but Lena is kind enough to throw a few green beans and macaroni on Kara’s plate, so she’ll stop complaining for five seconds. 

 

Things are calm by the time everyone starts eating, and in between mouthfuls of food, Alex actually manages to strike up a normal conversation with Sam despite the beaming Eliza seems to be doing. General Lane is  _ not  _ happy being on the outside looking in, but Clark does his usual thing of using small talk as a way of including people. All this back and forth bullshit is working, until Clark turns his attention to Sam. “So, any new updates for you? New policies, alien-wise?” It’s such an insane thing to say. So insane that Kara laughs, awkwardly, but still. General Lane looks over at Eliza for a second, as if to say  _ is this kind of talk allowed here _ ? Because it isn’t. General Lane might not know about Clark and Kara’s true identities, but he knows that Eliza is extremely pro-alien. He knows that about Alex too.

 

He also knows that J’onn is an actual alien, so the absurdity of Clark’s question is beyond the realm of possibility. 

 

“We don’t do much in terms of policies. More in terms of enforcement.” J’onn and Alex know that for a fact. 

 

“But things are rapidly changing. Progress is a moving force, I mean...what I mean to say is: aliens are more widely accepted than they were five years ago.” Clark is entering a dangerous territory. 

 

“You tell that to Lex Luthor.” It’s an off-hand remark, but Kara is about to fly across the table and murder General Lane if he keeps this up. 

 

“Let’s re-consider the conversation.” Eliza says because she’s counting the odds in her head, and General Lane doesn’t stand a chance with this bullshit. 

 

“I believe he should know.” Clark says, leaning back in his chair. 

 

“Know what?” Alex questions. And there it is, hesitation so obvious from the man of steel. It’s remarkable how easily Clark knowingly chooses the wrong thing, but he does it anyway. 

 

“Who we are. Because I wanted him here for a reason. We shouldn’t have to hide, and we’ll no longer do so. Right, Kara?” Alex nearly knocks over her glass, as she jumps to her feet. Things have moved beyond tense at this point, and all Alex can do is look at Clark like he’s grown three heads. 

 

“Clark!” Alex grits her teeth. “Take a fucking walk. Now.” If General Lane did know the truth, he’d be as shocked as everyone else that Clark does stand up, and that he does head outside. “Excuse me.” On a normal day, Kara would follow. She’d try and talk Alex out of yelling at Clark, but today, Kara has just told the love of her life who she really is. Today, Kara has been reminded of how beautiful her life can be as Kara and Supergirl all at once. 

 

So today, Alex gets to be the hero. 

 

“You stupid fucking idiot. You, you monster. You stupid, murderous prick-.”

 

“Alex-.” 

 

And what happens next surprises Alex. Because it isn’t like she’s fighting Superman, she’s fighting everything. Everyone, who has ever hurt her. She’s fighting her father’s inability to protect her. She’s fighting Maggie too.“Don’t. Because I spent years protecting you, you idiot. I barely even knew you, and I considered dying for you, and for what? Your sanctimonious bullshit is not a stepping stone for heroism. And I always thought it was. I also just...fucking, looked at you like my dad looked at the stars. I took on enough of you to last me a lifetime, and now you fucking sit in there, and try and decide what’s best for everyone here?” Eliza has somehow made it outside now, holding onto the railing like she might just fall over. And it’s like Alex is stepping out of her body, watching herself stand in front of her house. Watching herself be the person she’s dreamed of being all her life. She’s not scared. She’s not losing herself in anger. She’s just herself, and she’s never loved herself before now. “You don’t get to take Kara’s identity and use it for the sake of your endgame. You love Lois, we fucking get it, but the House of El is Kara’s, not yours.” Clark tries to reach out, and Alex shoves him away. “Don’t you dare.” 

 

Alex takes a deep breath. “Clark, I love you.” This might come as a surprise to him, and that shows pretty clearly on his face. “But I love my sister more, so I’m asking you to be better.” 

 

“I didn’t want to hurt anyone.”

 

“Us humans are tougher than we look.” 

 

* * *

 

 

That night everyone is back to getting along again. General Lane is true to his word about leaving, and Lucy is the one who ushers him into his car. His presence is not missed, but Alex has to babysit Lena, while Kara and Clark have a dramatic and two hour long heart-to-heart upstairs. _Uno_ gets out of hand, which causes James and Sam to form a quick bond as vigilante rule-trackers. Eventually, Lena outplays Alex, and then Winn and Eliza vow to redeem her honor. Alex doesn’t get a chance to play the next round because Ruby grabs Alex’s hand, and tells her that she’s ready. “Already?” 

 

“Yup.” Ruby grins. “Is it okay, if we bury ours somewhere else though.” 

 

“Where?”

 

“I’ll show you!” It’s not until they’re walking down the porch steps that Alex realizes that J’onn is following them. 

 

“They added stalking to DEO requirements?” Alex jokes, and Ruby just brushes Alex off, and smiles over at J’onn. 

 

“He’s coming with, obviously.” Alex shrugs because J’onn is family, and he’s always welcome. The walk is short, but rocky, as they trek through a poorly developed pathway through the woods. It’s a trail that Alex has walked a million times, but usually alone, and especially not with such uniquely opposite people. Ruby is practically skipping, as she shows off the canister, which J’onn, Lena, and Kara - apparently - helped her make earlier. J’onn keeps to himself, mostly, but chimes in whenever Ruby asks him a question. “I brought a map.” Ruby exclaims as they stop walking near a giantSycamore tree. J’onn pulls out a tiny shovel, and starts digging, while Alex plops down on a log. 

 

“Oh, yeah?” 

 

“It shows everywhere I’ve lived in my life. Guess how many places are on it.” 

 

“Three?” J’onn guesses. 

 

“Six.” Alex tries. 

 

“Four.” Ruby tells them. “I’ll update it whenever I move somewhere else, but hopefully that won’t be till like college.” Ruby glances over at Alex. “I can come back here whenever, right?” 

 

“Of course.”

 

“Cool.” Ruby takes over the digging, while Alex reaches into her pocket for her one month sobriety chip. “You’re burying that?” 

 

“Yeah, I figure that this step is a part of me now.” Alex twirls the chip between her fingers. “Each step is a brave one. Every day is brave.”

 

“What about you Mr. J’onn, what are you putting in there?” 

 

“This.” J’onn reaches into his pocket, and into his wallet, pulling out a tiny piece of paper. “It’s a note that my daughter wrote me.” J’onn kneels down next to Ruby. “It’s a funny thing, being a father. I lost my girls, and...well, for a long time I thought that part of me didn’t exist anymore. But loss doesn’t take away the parts of you that you relied on to survive. I’ll always be a father.” Ruby opens the canister, and they all put in their little tokens. Alex buries it all, deep into the cold earth, marking the tree with an X, so they’ll all know where it is. 

 

It feels like a grand gesture, but it really isn’t.  It’s just three people reminding themselves that home isn’t made of bricks, or concrete, or glass. Home is just three people standing in the middle of the woods reminding themselves that a piece of them is buried out in the middle of nowhere. A piece of them is shared and honored and loved. 

 

As they walk back, Ruby reminds Alex and J’onn what they’ve dedicated their lives to. “I want to be as cool and brave as you two someday.” 

 

“You already are.” J’onn assures her. 

 

When they get back to the house, Sam is standing on the front porch. She looks like she’s been eagerly awaiting them, but she attempts to tone it down for the sake of avoiding Ruby’s jokes. J’onn senses that Sam wants to be alone with Alex, so he suggests that he and Ruby try and find what’s left of the pies. Ruby’s happy to comply with that, which leaves Sam standing there, toying with her thumbs, and blushing like a schoolgirl. 

 

It’s cute. If not entirely unnerving. With the kind of day that Alex has had, she’s not sure how to take this side of Sam. “What’s up?” Sam’s silence worries Alex, but she’s quickly met with a smile. Something that distinctly teeters between happiness and worry. 

 

“Nothing.” 

 

“Nothing? Really?”

 

“I just like you a lot, no big deal.” Sam walks down the steps, and wraps her arms around Alex’s neck. “So, I’m helping Lena host Christmas, which is hilariously ridiculous. Your mom is giving me one of her cookbooks, so I can help teach you how to cook like a proper adult. And Lena is taking a vacation for the first time in 800 years, so I’m in charge of a multi-billion dollar company for a week which is totally not intimidating.” Sam kisses Alex, with a smile playing on her lips. “So, what’s next?”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next, somewhat of a epilogue!
> 
> 1\. Why is it so cold in LA? Like...this needs to stop. I've been trying to go with more smoothies recently, but honestly, I'm sneaking in a lot of tea because it's been so cold in my apartment!  
> 2\. Tell me if I should write a AgentCorp or AgentReign fic next? I think I know what you'll say, but I'm interested what everyone thinks.  
> 3\. Now, for my typical question: does anyone have any good new year's resolutions? Things that will make you a better person mentally, physically, emotionally?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been fun, let's do it again sometime

Despite the ridiculously expensive watch that Lena bought her for her birthday, Alex is still running late. It’s not that she’s forgotten what she needs to be doing - quite the opposite, actually - it’s just that Vasquez and Lucy are running around her apartment helping (not helping) her get ready. And even though Alex loves them to death, Lucy’s casual nonchalance, and Vasquez’s cat obsession seems to be stopping them from actually leaving any time soon. 

 

Kara, of course, is a great failsafe to have. She could literally get Alex where she needs to be in a second, but Kara has other things to do, like pick up Lena, or save the world. “Fuck.” Alex glances at her watch again, before slinging her bag over her shoulder, and grabbing the - still hot - tray off the counter. “Lucy, would you actually help with something? Anything.” Alex shoves the tray into Lucy’s hands, while Vasquez tries to get a very unruly Xena into her carrier. “Whoa, hey, what are you doing?” 

 

“Getting Xena ready.” Vasquez says as if it’s so obvious, when it is certainly something they didn’t agree on. “She’s your kid.” 

 

“She’s my cat. And she’s grown so much, which means she’s allowed to stay home alone now.” Alex scoops Xena up, and kisses her nose. “Isn’t that right?” A grumbly  _ meow _ comes out of her tiny little mouth, and Alex frowns. “What’s wrong? You didn’t get to eat enough of my hair last night?” 

 

“She wants to come with us.” Lucy says, as she takes Xena out of Alex’s hands. “She’s just as excited as you are, so come on.” Lucy manages to get Xena into her carrier with ease. “Let’s go!” And like that, they find themselves rushing out of Alex’s apartment, and down into the parking garage below. “Still can’t believe you went all suburban mom on us.” Lucy says as Alex unlocks her SUV. 

 

“It’s a car, not a minivan. And besides, I needed something more versatile.” If Alex thought that Ruby was busy during the school year, the summer was a whole different story. Camps, and hiking, and tryouts were crucial to her happiness. Since LCorp never stopped being demanding, Alex was happy to pick up the slack where she could. Which meant a car that could fit Ruby’s friends, and allow Ruby to stretch out in the back to ice her knees. “Plus you weren’t exactly complaining the fifteen times you called me to pick you up from a bar. This ride is smooth as hell, you know you like it.” 

 

“I do.” Lucy agrees with a shrug, as she hands the carrier to Vasquez who takes the back seat, while Lucy and Alex get in the front. “It just reminds me of how much things have changed.” 

 

“Be careful, Danvers, when Lucy gets sappy you know things are serious.” It’s the playful energy that is always obvious between Lucy and Vasquez that makes Alex feel right at home. They were both so good for each other, to the point where it was a surprise that they took more than two weeks to move in together. 

 

“I’m not getting sappy, I’m just admiring how future-director-Danvers has changed.” 

 

“Please stop calling me that.” Alex starts the car, and begins driving. “And honestly, I haven’t changed that much.” 

 

“Psh, okay Alex.” Lucy grins. “You’re as sober as a nun, you have a brand new SUV, you do middle school carpool, and you fucking baked today. I’d say you’ve changed a lot.” She has changed. She knows that. But the startling reminders can sometimes feel daunting. How had it been  _ this  _ easy to do all of this? 

 

“You’re making her blush, Luce, ease up.” 

 

“I am not…” Alex glances at her face in the rearview mirror. She is, in fact, blushing. She blushes a lot now, actually. Always because of Sam. Because of small compliments. Because of intimate dinner dates, or comfortable nights in. Because of secrets shared and uncovered. Alex never feels shame attached to her reactions, she just feels giddy and content. “I just...this is a big deal, you know.” 

 

“Alex, we do know.” Vasquez leans forward, and sticks her head between Lucy and Alex’s seats. “And we’re not just doing this for you.” Her whole family was always rallying around her. Two weeks after Christmas Alex broke her leg, and instead of taking drugs for the pain she gritted it out. Nothing like being thrown against a car by an alien six times her size to get every single one of her friends to show up to take care of her. She used to reject that kind of attention, but this version of Alex welcomed them in. Listened to their stories, allowed herself to be vulnerable if it meant they needed that too. It also meant that Ruby had a strong group of cheerleaders at every single one of her events. Everyone couldn’t always make it, but phone calls from James and Lois and J’onn would often be directed Ruby’s way. Just so everyone could say, ‘great job’, ‘we’re proud of you’, or ‘it’s okay to fail’. Suddenly Ruby and Sam went from being outsiders, to a core part of this mismatched group. Significant, wonderful, Alex’s heart. 

 

Sobriety was painfully difficult. But so worth the support she and Sam had, and it was allowing them to take one step at a time. 

 

Which meant rules. No sex at work, which had to be put in place because of an unfortunate incident involving Lena walking in on Alex going down on Sam in her office. No promises beyond the present, which kept them focused on the day to day, and gave them time to grow on their own without overwhelming themselves with pressure. Most importantly, they decided that going to AA was as important as everything else in their lives, but they didn’t have to only go with the other person. Alex sometimes went to AA in the city, and sometimes Sam would go for a run instead. Different things were working for them, and it was an exciting journey. 

 

Alex’s phone ringing pulled her from her thoughts. She answers, and puts Kara on speaker phone. “Hey, Alex.” Kara sounds out of breath. “So...good news: I managed to pick up some snacks. Bad news: I squeezed the bags too tight when I was flying, so they kinda...exploded and turned into dust?”

 

“Smooth, Kara, real smooth.” Lucy says.

 

“Potentially better news: Lena says she has things covered, so...it’ll be alright.” 

 

“Kara, that could mean literally anything from her catering, to her buying every restaurant in National City so we never have to worry about food. Please tell Lena to remember that this is supposed to be lowkey.” Alex does not need Lena’s rich-lady bullshit right now, she just needs everyone - mostly herself - to be on time and smile. 

 

“Lena totally knows how to be lowkey!” Kara defends. 

 

“She bought out Disneyland for your Earth birthday.” Alex shakes her head. “She can be a  _ little _ over the top.” 

 

“Oh, fuck off, Alex.” Lena says into Kara’s phone. 

 

“Lena, please, just do this for me.” 

 

“You know I love you, Alex. I’ll be good.” Lena is terrible about being good, and understanding the words  _ moderation _ , but Alex knows that she would never jeopardize something as important as today, so she hangs up, and leaves Lena and Kara to their own devices. 

 

“There’ll be like eight food trucks there.” Lucy says as soon as she’s sure Kara can’t hear her on the other line. “Not that I’m complaining. One time I casually mentioned that I like Thai food, and Luthor sent me take out for a week.”

 

“She’s thoughtful like that.” Vasquez says with a shrug. “She listens to me talk about my cats like all the time.” 

 

“We always say, if we’re ever looking for a third…” Alex rolls her eyes at that, but Lucy just laughs it off. “Just kidding, you know we’ll always reserve that spot for you.” 

  
“Please stop speaking.” Alex pulls into the parking lot, and smiles when she sees that James, Winn, J’onn, and Eliza are already there. Alex grabs Xena, leaves Lucy and Vasquez in charge of tray bake duty, and enters the building. 

 

Alex is absolutely certain that she would’ve never considered a place like this home. Churches always felt so domineering, and scary to her as a kid, but now this place was everything to her. Catherine is there, charming Eliza and Mason to death, she’s sure, but the moment she spots Alex she laughs and rushes over. “Alex, my dear, you never say nothing about  your beautiful mother.” Catherine has fully jumped into her role as AA leader. She’s been kind and welcoming, but she never stands for bullshit. 

 

For starters, Catherine had no patience for Peter. AA is a safe place, and 13 steppers are not welcome, and after a few reminders, he decided to move on and prey on someone else in some other town. Alex was thankful she didn’t have to hit him, because she really didn’t need another arrest. They’d gotten six new members in the past three months. Sam thinks it’s because it’s easier to be excited and hopeful in the summer, Alex knows it’s because Catherine isn’t afraid to tell strangers that they need help. 

 

Alex had also made a friend. Jaime. They’d connected over their love of science, and since Jaime is working so much to help pay for grad school, she doesn’t always have time to hang out. But they do sometimes. Grabbing coffee, and talking shop, it’s a joy to have another addition to their friend group. Alex was surprised that Jaime asked her to be her sponsor, and it’s a role she takes very seriously. 

 

“I talk about my mom all the time,” Alex tells Catherine. “I love her to death.” 

 

“You have such a sweet heart.” Catherine says. “So, everything is ready, yes?” Catherine looks more nervous than Alex. But Alex wraps her arm around her shoulder, and walks her over to her usual seat. 

 

“Everyone will be here shortly, everything will be great.” Alex can see Lucy and Vasquez talking with Winn near the snack table. J’onn is helping Barb set up the chairs, while M’gann joins Mason and Eliza in conversation. 

 

When Lena and Kara arrive, Alex knows it right away. Kara is carrying full trays of food, while Lena struts past everyone, and stops in front of Alex. “I can’t believe you didn’t let us do this for you. This place is so charming.” 

 

“It’s creepy how much you love basements.” Alex notes. She nods over at Kara. “How much did all that cost?” 

 

“Oh, save it, Alex. Sam’s my friend. My  _ best _ one at that. Nothing is too good for her.” Lena's confidence is contagious, so Alex decides to just go with the flow. “Speaking of, where is she?”

 

“Patience.” Alex pats Lena’s shoulder. “This is a good day.” 

 

“You’re glowing.” Lena pokes Alex’s side, and laughs. Before Lena can really get into making fun of Alex, Lena’s phone rings, and she picks it up. “Hello...yes...perfect, you’re my rockstar.” Lena hangs up, and claps her hands loudly. “The birthday girl is here!” 

 

And it’s a mad rush. Everyone hurries to their seats, Kara practically super-speeds all the food out, before she comes to a halt in the seat next to Lena. Alex sits in the front row, with Winn jabbing at her shoulder nervously as they hear footsteps descending down the stairs on the way to the AA meeting room. 

 

And the moment those doors open, and Sam and Ruby walk in, the room is filled with an excited exclamation of ‘Happy Birthday!’ Sam’s smile is so genuinely shocked, and Ruby’s laughter and joy makes this seem like less of a surprise event, and much more like a homecoming. Sam is blushing, but Winn pops a mini confetti cannon and that seems to give Sam permission to breathe, and laugh along with her daughter. 

 

Sam knows what this is. A celebration of her, of her sobriety. And as AA leader, Catherine takes the time to grab hold of Sam’s hands, and pull her to the front of the room. Ruby takes a seat next to J’onn and Alex, and all eyes follow the ‘birthday girl’. Sam is a good sport about all this, grinning as Catherine dramatizes the ceremony of giving her a one year chip. Everyone is good about clapping, and Catherine is great at reminding Sam that she doesn’t have to say anything if she doesn’t want to. But Sam glances over at Alex, “No, actually...yeah, I’d like to say something.”  Catherine’s eager to sit in the front row, and clasp her hands together like she’s watching her child walk for the first time. 

 

Alex’s reaction is a simple one. A smile, a way of reminding Sam that’s she’s here for her. But Sam’s got this. “So...uh, wow. Check that out.” Sam holds up the chip, and twirls it between her fingers. “I’m terrible at speeches. Lena knows that. My finance proposals are decent, but sometimes I get caught up in emotions and not ‘rational’ things. But now, I guess, I really do get to be me.” Those words scared her. To be herself fully in front of all these people wasn’t a chore, just a process. Trust was earned, and if they wanted it, they could have it. “I’ve been here before. And for some people, that’s the hardest part about sobriety. Climbing your way back to a place you’ve already been. But for me, the hardest part, is not playing the blame game. I wanted to blame my mom or school, or literally anyone else who walked into my life. But now, I know that I need to own my choices. Sure, it’s difficult getting through the hard things, but I deserve the happiness that comes with all the good in my life.” Sam slips the coin into her pocket and smiles a little to herself. “I almost didn’t move here. I almost stayed for the sake of staying, but then Lena called me. She told me something that has really stuck with me, and if you don’t mind me sharing…”

 

“Go ahead.” Lena nods. 

 

“Lena told me that National City is a place where anyone, no matter what their past is, can become a hero.” Alex can see Kara blushing out of the corner of her eye, but she keeps focused on Sam. “Now, I don’t want to be a hero. Not really. I just want to be a mom, a friend, maybe more.”  _ Maybe more _ is said playfully, and everyone in the room angles their eyes Alex’s way. “But Lena’s words reminded me that I’ve been taking chances on myself my whole life, so now should be no different. And here I am. One year sober, one day at a time.” 

 

There’s clapping, cheers louder than entire football stadiums, and hugs. So many hugs that Sam drowns in them. Collides into the warmth of these people who keep reminding her that she’s loved. And the food? It’s everything she likes and more, and Lena does her best not to physically remove Kara from the front of the line because ‘this is for Sam’. 

  
“There’s a cake.” Sam exclaims, her cheeks red from all the attention. Winn kneels and holds out a knife.

 

“My lady.” Sam takes the knife, not sure if she’ll ever quite get used to how odd Winn is. “The cake is compliments of Chef Danvers.”

 

“Eliza, you made this?” It’s beautiful. Pink and white swirls of buttercream forming neat and large flowers all over the two tiers of perfection. 

 

“Actually, Alex made it.” 

 

“Wow.” It’s really all Sam can manage to say. But everything that comes to mind is more like: holy shit. This is why Alex had been spending so much time at  _ Crate & Barrel _ . And this is why she’d been asking so much about cooking, and trying to help out more when Lena went into full on baking-procrastination mode. Alex was such a fucking gem. 

 

“What you waiting for? Cut the damn cake, it looks amazing!” Catherine nudges Sam forward, giving Alex a dramatic thumbs up. So Sam cuts the cake, and is delighted by the fact that it’s red velvet - her favorite. 

 

The sea of people is hard to get through, but finally she manages to find Alex. “And people think I’m the dramatic one.” Sam jokes.

 

“Yeah, well...thought you’d enjoy people celebrating you for a change. You deserve it.” Sam kisses Alex on the cheek, getting delightful ‘ohhhs and ahhhs’ mostly coming from Lucy and Lena. 

 

Alex and Sam had been over coy for awhile now. After a few early missteps, they’d found the perfect rhythm and hadn’t looked back since. No, that’s not true. Sam had thought about that night out on the boat a lot. Alex said she loved her, she didn’t say it back, but that confession had finally settled between them. For now, they’d been great about finding the right balance, but every other day, Sam considered what it would mean if she finally said it back. 

 

“This cake is incredible.” Alex shrugs, but the confidence is there. 

 

“No big deal. I watched a lot of Youtube.” Alex grabs onto Sam’s hands. “So, ready for part two?” 

 

* * *

 

Sam shouldn’t be surprised that there’s a part two. This is Alex, and Alex’s love is strong and full, so when they start driving and she realizes that they’re all heading back to her house, a few things start to come into focus. For starters: Ruby had insisted that they spend the entire day shopping. Food shopping, clothes shopping, lunch, and more clothes. It wasn’t rare that they went on trips like that, but it was a remarkably long trip, and usually around hour four Ruby would complain about her feet being tired. But today, Ruby had been insistent, and she didn’t once complain that she’d have to show up at AA with her. 

 

“What’s going on?” Sam asks, knowing that Ruby and Alex would never tell her. The pair had been trading glances through the rearview mirror for the past five minutes, and Sam was starting to feel a bit foolish for not realizing sooner that this was going to be a big to-do. 

 

“You’ll see.” Ruby is a terrible liar, and it’s pretty obvious based on how much time that Alex and Ruby spent together, that Alex must’ve taught her how to lie. Because right now Ruby makes for a convincing miniature version of the woman who is currently driving her shiny new SUV. 

 

“You don’t like surprises?” 

 

“No. You know that.” Sam says, peering down her street as though seeing her house will somehow explain everything. “I’m nervous.”

 

“Don’t be. Today is a good day.” Alex reminds her. “And we’re your family, we'd never do anything to hurt you.” 

 

“Sappy.” Ruby adds, as they pull into the driveway behind Lena’s car. Ruby unbuckles Sam’s seatbelt, and practically drags her mom out of the car. Alex is close behind, but she lets them go first, knowing full well that Ruby deserved to be a big part of this. As they enter the home, Alex is reminded just how much she likes this place. Kicking off her shoes at the door makes her feel young, and so much like she knows this place. The extra piles of shoes remind her that after a whole year, everyone had also gotten to know this place too. 

 

Winn yells ‘surprise’. Again. Even though this is simply a family get together, one to show that Sam’s support doesn’t just end at the church doors. There’s more food set up, plenty of streamers, and music - hand picked by Ruby - that fills the room. 

 

Alex holds Sam’s hand through everything. Between J’onn and M’gann explaining how their alien bar hangout was stocking up on non-alcoholic drinks, and adding in trivia and game nights to keep things lively and fun. Between Lena explaining that she is now the proud owner of a boxing gym because  _ what? With all the attacks on this city, free self-defense classes for the public are crucial.  _

 

And then they're standing there, in the middle of Sam’s living room, staring ahead at the giant canvas in front of them. Dumbfounded would be an understatement, and it takes Sam three tries to actually get the words out. “You bought this?” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“How? Um...what?” Sam turns to Alex because this is too much. It’s too expensive, and too kind, and such an Alex thing to do. “But you think I don’t like contemporary art.”

 

“No, I think that you think that you think that.” Alex laughs, pulling Sam closer. “That day, Lena might’ve set us up, I might’ve been a mess from running into my ex, but somehow you and me and that piece of art became one. I saw it in your eyes. I felt you watching me, and I felt so alive. So...valued. Seen. You and me, Sam. When we saw this,” Alex points to the canvas, “we collided.” 

 

Then there are explosions. Loud explosions outside. Sam turns, and it’s only now that she realizes that Alex and her are all alone inside. Everyone else is staring up at the sky, watching fireworks shoot up in the air, right in her backyard. The neighbors are going to be pissed. And she’ll have to do extra neighborhood watch shifts for a few months, but from the looks of it, it’s worth it. Lena is holding Kara, Ruby is on J’onn’s back, Mason is holding Eliza’s hand like they’re kids just learning how to be free. Lucy is sitting between Vasquez’s legs, while James is trying his best to gently hold Winn’s hand. They look more nervous than Mason and Eliza, and it’s so wholesome that Sam has to take a moment before turning back to Alex. 

 

“You didn’t have to do all this.”

 

“Why not? You took a chance on me Sam, it’s only fair that I do the same for you.” Sam could look at Alex - her sweet, vulnerable, beautiful Alex - forever. Alex reaches into her pocket, and pulls out a key. 

 

“What’s this?”

 

“An escape. A healthy one.” Alex runs her fingers through her hair. “Usually when I make impulse buys it’s like a giant pizza or bulk treats for Xena, it’s never usually a summer bungalow on the beach.” Alex shrugs. “But hey, could be worse.”

 

“You’re joking. You have to be joking.” 

 

“Nope.” 

 

“Alex…”

 

“It took me my entire life to learn what freedom is. I fight for it, Sam, every day. And I believe in it. But ultimately, what freedom is, is the ability to make choices and make mistakes knowing that you have somewhere safe to fall.” Alex closes Sam’s hand around the key. “This is freedom, Sam. No strings attached.” Sam brushes off her desire to say that this is all too much, and launches forward, wrapping Alex up in a hug. 

 

“I do.”

 

“What?”

 

“I do love you.” Sam pulls back, searching Alex’s eyes for a moment. “I know you couldn’t hear me, but I’ve said I love you a million times in my head, and I just...you have to know. You have to hear it, because I love you with my whole heart.” 

 

“I love you too, Sam.” 

 

The fireworks have increased in frequency, sound, and color, so Sam holds out her hand for Alex to take, which Alex does. They head for the door, just like that, one step forward. One step at a time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. You all have been incredible. I know that I keep saying that, but it's true  
> 2\. Sam and Alex live happily ever after, and skinny dip in the beach a bunch, and get married, and Alex adopts Ruby, and they are a perfect little family   
> 3\. I've been getting lots of AgentCorp requests, so like here's the thing...I've got two concepts in my brain, and I'll write both (one Sam x Alex and one Lena x Alex), so stay tuned for that  
> 4\. Feel free to like...speak to me, you all seem really cool. We can talk about anything really  
> 5\. Thank you for reading, I don't have a snazzy Sara-Lance-ish send off, but I've really gotten back into writing, so thanks for supporting me through it!


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